BACK TRINITY2 9'1m4f Deity and humanity of Jesus, trinity, cults SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with unlit cigarette in mouth, crosses strolling, to audience) You probably don't recognize me. My name is... LAWYER -- (follows carrying briefcase, wearing business suit) Spade. Sam Spade. (freezes) SAM -- (to audience) I recognize this voice. This is the voice of a lawyer. She recognized me because my name is Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest private investigator. And although I am the world's greatest private-eye, on a previous investigation, this lawyer taught me a valuable lesson, one which I will not soon forget. And here's the lesson: collect a retainer fee UP FRONT. (turns) What do you want? LAWYER -- Is that anyway to treat a paying client? SAM -- A PAYING client? LAWYER -- Yes. SAM -- That's what you said last time. And what did I end up with? One percent of nothing. And one percent of nothing is nothing. LAWYER -- Well, that was just a little misunderstanding. (offers thick envelope) Here, this should reimburse you for all your previous expenses. (freezes) SAM -- (peeks into envelope, to audience) She's right. This money should make us even. But here's a tip from the world's greatest private-eye: when a lawyer gives you money BEFORE a judge's verdict, watch out. (to Lawyer) Alright, lady, the needle on my baloney detector is off the chart. What do you want? LAWYER -- I have another client. SAM -- Pardon me while I yawn. LAWYER -- This client has money. SAM -- You've got my attention if the next words out of your mouth are RETAINER UP FRONT. LAWYER -- (offers envelope) Retainer up front. SAM -- (peeks into envelope) Alright, now you've got my attention. Tell me about the client. Is this another one of them cults? LAWYER -- My clients prefer to call themselves God's one true church. SAM -- Don't tell me. This client of yours wants to sue the mainline Christian church. LAWYER -- Correct. SAM -- And their claim is... LAWYER -- They claim that the mainline Christian church changed the gospel to make Jesus equal to God. SAM -- Been there. Done that. (offers envelope) LAWYER -- (pushes envelope away) Keep the money. I told my client that you already investigated the identity of Jesus and that the apostles all confirmed Jesus as God. SAM -- But they're suing anyway? LAWYER -- They claim it's a bad translation. They claim the mainline Christians did a hack job on the translation from the Greek language. SAM -- So, what do you want me to do? LAWYER -- Go back to the Hebrew. SAM -- The Hebrew? LAWYER -- The old testament. (exits) SAM -- I knew that. Alright, the Old Testament it is. (turns, strolls, to audience) As you may have already surmised, Hebrew is not my strong subject. I went to the Library to get my bearings. (to Librarian) Hiya, doll-face! LIBRARIAN -- (enters opposite carrying a stack of books) Will you please keep your voice down?! This is a library! SAM -- Oh, sorry, doll-face. I need some info about a language called Hebrew. LIBRARIAN -- What about it? SAM -- Who spoke Hebrew? LIBRARIAN -- The Hebrews. SAM -- I knew that. What I meant was, where were the Hebrews when they spoke Hebrew? LIBRARIAN -- In the middle east. SAM -- Oh, you mean like Jerusalem? LIBRARIAN -- Well, yes, but the Hebrews spoke Hebrew before Jerusalem was even built. SAM -- Who was the first guy to speak Hebrew? LIBRARIAN -- I'm sorry, my memory is fading quickly. SAM -- (pulls out money, offers it) Then, let me refresh your memory. LIBRARIAN -- Oh, I remember now. His name was Abraham. SAM -- Lincoln? LIBRARIAN -- You're off by four thousand years. SAM -- Well, then, what was his last name? LIBRARIAN -- In those days there were so few people that they didn't need last names. And Abraham was the wealthiest man in the middle east. Everyone knew Abraham. SAM -- Tell me, did Abraham have much to say about Jesus? LIBRARIAN -- Actually, Abraham didn't say anything specific about the savior. That didn't happen until Moses and the prophets. SAM -- Moses and... LIBRARIAN -- ...the Prophets: Isaiah, Joel, King David... SAM -- Thanks doll-face! LIBRARIAN -- (exiting) Keep your voice down! SAM -- (turns strolls) I went back in time to visit the prophets. (stops) Now, I can see by your expression that you doubt me. But go with me on this. It's several centuries BEFORE Jesus is born. (to Admin) Hiya, doll-face. I.... (all Biblical characters wear tunic and sandals) ADMIN -- (enters carrying clipboard) If you're here to see the prophet Isaiah, I'm sorry, he's booked solid (points to clipboard) for the rest of the day. SAM -- Hey, I came a long way to see Isaiah. You can't just send me away! ADMIN -- Try to get by me and you'll see what I can do. (freezes) SAM -- (to audience) Now you are about to see the charm of the world's greatest private-eye. (to Admin) Listen, sweet-cheeks, let's not get our shorts in a bunch. I just need a little information. I can see that you are a very smart person and you probably know as much about things as Isaiah does. ADMIN -- Darn right. What do you want to know? (freezes) SAM -- (to audience) Putty in my hands. (to Admin) Listen, sugar-puss, I need the low-down on Jesus. ADMIN -- Who's that? SAM -- Oh, that's right. Jesus is not in this... time zone yet. Let me put it another way: Did Isaiah ever say anything about the savior? ADMIN -- Absolutely. SAM -- And? ADMIN -- Where you been, buddy? Don't you know that the Savior is God himself? SAM -- God himself, you say? ADMIN -- Yes. Isaiah says over and over again, there is no savior but God alone. SAM -- So, if I know a guy.... let's say his name is Jesus... and this guy Jesus claims to be the savior... ADMIN -- If this Jesus guy isn't God himself, he's a phoney. SAM -- You're sure. ADMIN -- Bank on it. And I'm not just saying that because the boss said it. According to the law of Moses, sacrifices are one for one. SAM -- One for one. ADMIN -- Yes, you slaughter one animal to pay for the sins of one man. If a guy claims to be the savior, but he claims to be only a man, his blood will only pay for the sins of one man. Only God himself can sacrifice for the sins of the whole world. SAM -- So, anybody but God it's just one for one. ADMIN -- With God alone it's one sacrifice for all men for all time. SAM -- Bummer. ADMIN -- Hey, that's good news! (exits) SAM -- For you maybe. But for my client it's bad news unless I can find another opinion. Thanks, doll-face. (turns, strolls, to audience) My next stop was Jerusalem, a couple centuries earlier. Time travel, remember? (to Bathsheba) Hiya doll-face! BATHSHEBA -- (enters opposite) And who might you be? SAM -- The name is Spade, Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest private investigator. BATHSHEBA -- Aren't they all? SAM -- You're pretty snooty. I'll bet you're King David's wife. BATHSHEBA -- I am. But if you're thinking about an audience with King David, think again. He's busy. SAM -- Not a problem, doll-face. I'm sure you can answer my questions. BATHSHEBA -- What kind of questions? SAM -- It's about Jesus. BATHSHEBA -- I'm sorry, I don't know anyone named Jesus. SAM -- My bad. I know this guy named Jesus who claims to be the savior of mankind. BATHSHEBA -- No kidding?! Where is he? SAM -- It's hard to describe. But he's a long way off. BATHSHEBA -- Can't be too far off. According to prophecy, the savior of mankind will be born in Bethlehem, like King David. SAM -- Ah, yes, that's true. But... BATHSHEBA -- But what? SAM -- Well, this Jesus claims to be the creator of the universe. BATHSHEBA -- Well, of course! SAM -- You mean, he is?! BATHSHEBA -- Well, if this guy claims to be our messiah, our savior, of course he will be the creator. Not just anyone can save all mankind. The savior will be God in human flesh. SAM -- But how do you know that? BATHSHEBA -- King David is a prophet. He refers to the savior as OUR SHEPHERD, OUR CREATOR, OUR JUDGE, OUR LIGHT. SAM -- OUR CREATOR, you say? BATHSHEBA -- Yes, if this person claims to be the messiah, he will refer to himself as the one who spoke to Moses in the burning bush. SAM -- But that was God. BATHSHEBA -- That's what I'm saying. The messiah, the savior will claim all the qualities of God himself as his own, because they ARE his own. SAM -- You're sure? BATHSHEBA -- Absolutely sure. One of my favorite Psalms of King David is the one that starts "The LORD says to my Lord...." SAM -- What does that mean? BATHSHEBA -- It's a conversation between THE Lord and MY Lord. That means that the one God we Hebrews call Elohiym is actually two persons, maybe more. SAM -- So, the savior is THE LORD. BATHSHEBA -- Yes. SAM -- Another dead end. (turns) BATHSHEBA -- Are you crazy?! That's a good thing! (exits) SAM -- (turns) Good news for you, bad news for my client. Thanks for the info, doll-face. (turns, strolls, to audience) Well, there you have it. Both the Old and New Testaments say that Jesus is God. And another lawsuit is thrown out of court for lack of evidence. Fortunately for me, (holds up envelope) this time I collected my retainer up front. (exits) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |