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STREAKER 4'?m2f Put on the full armor of God

JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, crosses to bench or podium,
pounds gavel) This court will come to order. Send in the
defendant.

DEFENDANT -- (begins protesting offstage, entering backward
wearing handcuffs) I'm telling you I'm innocent. I haven't done
anything.

JUDGE -- (opens file folder, reads) Case number 546781. The
charge is public nudity.

DEFENDANT -- (turns) Public nudity?! Do I look naked to you?!

JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) Order in the court. (pounds gavel,
points gavel at Defendant) In my court you will not speak unless
spoken to.

DEFENDANT -- But I don't even belong here. The cop who arrested
me has obviously been smoking a foreign substance. Because I....

JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) I don't remember asking you a question.
Would you like me to add contempt of court to your charges?

DEFENDANT -- No, Your Honor. I'm sorry. I'll be quiet.

JUDGE -- Thank you. (reads, inquires) Now, does the defendant
meet the qualifications for this jurisdiction?

DEFENDANT -- What qualifications?

JUDGE -- This is a spiritual court room. You must be a Christian
to be tried in this court.

DEFENDANT -- Well, I AM a Christian. That's why these charges
are so obviously bogus.

JUDGE -- Are you aware that the Bible clearly instructs
Christians to put on the full armor of God?

DEFENDANT -- Well, yes. But I don't see....

JUDGE -- But according to the arrest report you were seen in
public wearing only the helmet of salvation and nothing else.

DEFENDANT -- I'm not sure what that means.

JUDGE -- That means you were guilty of public nudity.

DEFENDANT -- That's ridiculous!

JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) Excuse me?

DEFENDANT -- I'm sorry, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- Do you know what the armor of God consists of?

DEFENDANT -- Can you give me a hint?

JUDGE -- I thought not. Do you know what spiritual maturity is?

DEFENDANT -- Well, ah...

JUDGE -- Naked as a Jay bird.

DEFENDANT -- I beg your pardon?!

JUDGE -- Guilty as charged. (raises gavel)

DEFENDANT -- Your Honor, please! I... (softens) Your Honor, I
submit myself to the mercy of the court. (head down)

JUDGE -- You once submitted yourself to the mercy of the Lord,
did you not?

DEFENDANT -- Yes, Your Honor. I want the Lord to use me. But I'm
not sure what he wants me to do.

JUDGE -- Were you waiting for the Lord to tatoo his plans for
you on your forehead?

DEFENDANT -- Well, no. But what does that have to do with public
nudity?

JUDGE -- One of the most important pieces of the armor of God is
the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

DEFENDANT -- Oh, so I should read the Bible?

JUDGE -- Can you think of a better way for the Lord to tell you
what he expects from you?

DEFENDANT -- Well, no. I guess I can't. I guess I've been a
pretty lame Christian, huh?

JUDGE -- Listen, if you go out into the world without
putting on the full armor of God, you're naked and helpless in
the midst of a raging spiritual battle.

DEFENDANT -- Oh, I'm SUPPOSED to be a Christian soldier!

JUDGE -- What kind of a soldier goes into battle wearing only a
helmet?

DEFENDANT -- I can put on the other stuff too.

JUDGE -- Can you really?

DEFENDANT -- Yeah. It doesn't sound so tough.

JUDGE -- Putting on the armor of God is not something you do
once and then neglect it. A soldier must put on his armor every
morning.

DEFENDANT -- I'll do that, Your Honor, I really will!

JUDGE -- Very well, then, I'll suspend your sentence. (pounds
gavel, exits)

DEFENDANT -- (follows) Thank you, Your Honor. I...

JUDGE -- Go... (flicks with back of hand) Put something on!

DEFENDANT -- (stops, looks down at self, gasps, notices 
audience) Oh. (turns back to audience, exits sideways) This is 
really embarrassing.

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