PURGATOR 4'?m2f Purgatory, sins, forgiveness, salvation

(scene: a paper-back book on a chair)

AMY -- (enters wearing janitor's uniform, sweeping
half-heartedly crossing to chair, looks both ways, drops broom,
sits, reads)

(sound cue: ding, sliding door opens)

LIZ -- (enters timidly, looks around) This can't be it.

AMY -- (not looking, shouts) Wrong floor.

LIZ -- Excuse me?

AMY -- I said, you got off on the wrong floor.

LIZ -- I was looking for purgatory.

AMY -- Not here. Get back in the elevator and go all the way to
the top floor.

LIZ -- But the top floor is Heaven.

AMY -- Brilliant.

LIZ -- So, this MUST be purgatory.

AMY -- Wrong.

LIZ -- You're not being very helpful.

AMY -- Well, being helpful is not in my job description. You
need customer service.

LIZ -- Oh. Ah, where is customer service?

AMY -- Doesn't exist.

LIZ -- Then why did you tell me to go to customer service if it
doesn't exist?

AMY -- Because I get tired of answering the same questions over
and over.

LIZ -- You don't have to be rude.

AMY -- Yes, I do. People don't stay on this floor very long if
I'm rude. That way I can get back to my reading.

LIZ -- Well, what is this floor if it isn't purgatory?

AMY -- God gave in to popular demand in the thirteenth century
and allowed the elevator to stop at this floor so that people
could see that there's nothing here.

LIZ -- So, I'm right then.

AMY -- You're what?!

LIZ -- I'm right. If purgatory existed, it would be on this

AMY -- Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

LIZ -- Excuse me?

AMY -- If it will get you back onto the elevator any faster,
yes. If purgatory existed, it would exist on this floor.

LIZ -- But it would be considerably warmer.

AMY -- (rolls eyes) Alright, I'll bite. Why, pray tell, would
purgatory be considerably warmer?

LIZ -- To burn away the sins.

AMY -- Oh, brother! Just get back on the elevator (points) and
go all the way to the top floor!

LIZ -- You act like I just said the moon was made of cheese.

AMY -- Something just as silly.

LIZ -- What's so silly about expecting purgatory to burn away my

AMY -- Well, I suppose you COULD burn away sins, if sins were
the kind of thing that COULD be burned.

LIZ -- They're not?

AMY -- I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but sins are not THINGS.
They're the ABSENCE of things.

LIZ -- The ABSENCE of things.

AMY -- Yes, sin is the absence of good.

LIZ -- So, sins are not things. They're the absence of things.

AMY -- Yes, like a doughnut hole is the absence of doughnut.
Like darkness is the absence of light. How big a fire could you
build by piling up the absence of something?

LIZ -- Well, none, I suppose. But what about the Bible verse
that talks about wood, hay and stubble?

AMY -- That Bible verse is not even talking about sins, but
about doing good deeds.

LIZ -- Oh. So, where IS purgatory mentioned in the Bible?

AMY -- It isn't. Not the name, not the concept. Jesus never even
mentioned a place for purging sins nor the need to purge sins.
Neither did his apostles.

LIZ -- Then, where did the name come from?

AMY -- From people like you, who felt guilty about sinning after
believing in Jesus, people who forgot that when Jesus died for
your sins, he died for ALL your sins.

LIZ -- Even those I committed after I believed in Jesus?

AMY -- At the time Jesus died, ALL your sins were in the future.
Where does the Bible say that SOME of your future sins are not
covered by the crucifixion of Jesus?

LIZ -- Actually, I'm not sure it does.

AMY -- That's the smartest thing you've said all day.

LIZ -- (exiting) Oh, ah, so, I guess I'll just get back on the
elevator and go all the way to the top floor.

AMY -- (stands, drops book on chair, picks up broom, shakes head
in disgust, sweeps half-heartedly to opposite exit) I think I'll
ask for a raise in pay.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.  email: [email protected]