POLITICS 4'1m1f The ultimate effects of evolution on politics

JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, carrying Bible, crosses to 
podium) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present the 
president-elect of the United States, John Jacob Johnson. (leads 
applause, holds out Bible)

PRESIDENT -- (enters, crosses smiling and waiving to audience, 
lays left hand on Bible, raises Hand) I, John Jacob Johnson, do 
solemnly swear to administer the office of President of the 
United States and to uphold the Constitution to the best of my 
ability. So help me God.

JUDGE -- (offers hand) Congratulations. (shakes, leads applause, 
steps back)

PRESIDENT -- (shakes hands) Thank you. (acknowledges applause) 
My fellow Americans, this is an historic day in America. I have 
the privilege of being the first American president to be 
elected from the Darwinian party.

JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)

PRESIDENT -- It will be my great pleasure to lead America into 
the twenty-first century employing exclusively the principles of 
Darwinian evolution.

JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)

PRESIDENT -- And so, because Darwinian evolution eliminates a 
need for God, it is my intention to remove God from our great 
land. Beginning immediately, all churches, temples and mosques 
will be closed.

JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)

PRESIDENT -- Today is the last time you will see any public 
official being sworn into office (lifts and shows Bible) using a 

JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)

PRESIDENT -- As you know, one of the basic tenants of Darwinian 
evolution is survival of the fittest. Therefore, I hereby 
declare null and void all laws and statutes that give artificial 
protection to the weaker, less fit species.

JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically, quits after two 
claps) What? We didn't discuss this.

PRESIDENT -- Beginning immediately, it will be my privilege to 
eliminate all protection for endangered species, all wildlife 
refuges and all marshland conservation. If a species can't fend 
for themselves, they deserve to die. 

JUDGE -- This is not what we agreed to.

PRESIDENT -- The same is true for all affirmative action laws 
for women and minorities and all hate crime laws.

JUDGE -- I can't believe I gave money to this man's campaign.

PRESIDENT -- Also, in keeping with survival of the fittest, I 
will hereby remove all limitations on abortion, mercy killing, 
gay bashing, wife beating and slavery.

JUDGE -- What!? What about your oath to uphold the constitution 
of the United States?

PRESIDENT -- I lied. Oh, that reminds me. Since all morals are 
from God, I also declare null and void all laws outlawing 
perjury, slander, rape, incest, robbery, fraud and murder.

JUDGE -- You can't do that!

PRESIDENT -- I have to. All those laws came from God. But now 
there is no God. And, since without God man has no intrinsic 
value, any citizen who is not useful to society, including the 
elderly, the lame and the retarded, will be terminated.

JUDGE -- You mean murdered.

PRESIDENT -- There is no murder without God. Only survival and 
dominance. Speaking of dominance, the majority race will now 
dominate and/or obliterate all other races.

JUDGE -- This is preposterous!

PRESIDENT -- Therefore, beginning tomorrow, all minorities, 
including all those who speak with a foreign accent, will either 
report to slave labor camps or be deported.

JUDGE -- I can't believe this!

PRESIDENT -- Any minority failing to report for deportation or 
slavery will be summarily executed.

JUDGE -- You are a monster!

PRESIDENT -- Not at all. It's merely survival of the fittest. 
Which brings me to my final edict. (turns to Judge) Because men 
are larger and stronger than women, women will be forbidden from 
holding public office. In fact, they will not even be allowed to 
vote or own land.

JUDGE -- (exits in a huff) I will not stand for this!

PRESIDENT -- (raises hand) Guards, seize that woman. She will be 
my first conquest. From now on, women are to be treated as sex 
objects and household servants. (exiting after Judge) It's only 
fitting in the world of evolution.

�2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.  email: [email protected]