BACK PLANK 3'?m3f Hypocrisy, the speck or plank in your eye LIZ -- (enters carrying tablet and pen, crosses casually) What time is the meeting? AMY -- (enters carrying tablet and pen) It starts in two minutes. LIZ -- Have you met the new guy yet. AMY -- Yes. The new GUY is a GIRL. LIZ -- Well? What is she like? AMY -- Well, I don't want to pass judgement. LIZ -- Oh, no. Don't tell me we got another weirdo to work with. AMY -- (stops, grabs Liz's arm, turns her away from Sue) Oh, there she is now. LIZ -- (looks over shoulder) Where?! AMY -- (turns Liz away) Don't look. She's very self-conscious about it. LIZ -- Self-conscious?! (looks over shoulder) About what? AMY -- (turns Liz away) Don't look. Try to avoid eye contact. And whatever you do, don't mention the plank. (turns, pastes on a fake smile) Susan! SUE -- (enters opposite, carrying tablet and pen, with a 2x4 plank protruding from her eye and from the back of her head) LIZ -- Don't mention the what? AMY -- (whispers) The PLANK. SUE -- (turns, gasps) AMY -- (whispers) You made eye contact. I told you not to make eye contact. (turns, fakes smile) Susan, I'd like you to meet Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is Susan. SUE -- (offers hand) Nice to meet you. LIZ -- Wo! What happened?! AMY -- (steps behind Sue, signals over Sue's shoulder with slash to own throat) SUE -- I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you mean. AMY -- (steps behind Sue, signals over Sue's shoulder with slash to own throat) LIZ -- Your eye. AMY -- (steps toward Liz, sings) Ix-nay on the ank-play. SUE -- What about my eye? AMY -- What Elizabeth is trying to say is that she's heard you have a lot of experience to bring to the team. She thinks you have a good eye for details, (nods with exaggeration) Isn't that right, Elizabeth? LIZ -- No. What I meant was how did you get that plank stuck in your eye like that? AMY -- (mumbles) Now you've done it. SUE -- Is this some kind of joke?! I don't have a plank in my eye. As a matter of fact, I was just going to ask you about the speck (points, approaches Liz) in your eye. You know if you don't have that looked at, it could get infected. AMY -- (mumbles) You wouldn't listen. LIZ -- "I" have a speck in "MY" eye?! SUE -- Yes. I'm a person who takes eye health very seriously. As my mother once said, "God only gave us one pair of eyes and you have to take care of them." (reaches) Can I help you remove that speck from your eye? LIZ -- (backs away) I'm sorry, but I don't think I have anything in my eye. SUE -- It won't take but a minute. (approaches) LIZ -- (retreats) No. That's okay. SUE -- No, really. I insist. You know I'm somewhat of an expert on Ophthalmology. Ophthalmology. That's the study of eye diseases, you know. (approaches) Let me help you. LIZ -- (retreats) It's alright. I'll get it later. Maybe after the meeting. AMY -- Speaking of the meeting. It's about to start. (points) We should go in. LIZ -- (ducks under Sue's hands, hurries past Sue) Good idea. (whispers to Amy) Why didn't you warn me about her?! (exits) AMY -- I thought I did. SUE -- (approaching) Did what? AMY -- Nothing. SUE -- Say, don't I see a speck in your eye there? (points, approaches) AMY -- (turns, exits) Ah, no. It's probably a reflection. SUE -- (follows) A reflection... of what? ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |