MOTHER2  4'1m1f What does a stay-at-home mother do all day?

(scene: bedroom or a single chair and end table)

MOM -- (enters wearing pajamas, robe and slippers, reading book,
carrying a box of chocolates, sits)

DAD -- (from off stage) Honey, I'm home! (shouts) What on earth
happened. Honey! Are you alright.

MOM -- (without looking) I'm in the bedroom. (eats a piece of

DAD -- (enters wearing business suit, carrying suit jacket and
briefcase) Honey! Are you alright?!

MOM -- (without looking) Yes. I'm fine.

DAD -- You're still in your pajamas. Are you sick?

MOM -- (turns page) No. I feel fine.

DAD -- What happened around here?

MOM -- Nothing. It was just an average day.

DAD -- An average day?! How can you say it was an average day?!
Look at this house!

MOM -- I already looked at it.

DAD -- And you think THIS is NORMAL?!

MOM -- What I said was that this was an average day.

DAD -- How can you say this was an average day, when the entire
house looks like an explosion?!

MOM -- This is a really good book. Have you ever read any books
by this author?

DAD -- I think you've snapped a twig! There are dirty dishes
from two meals all over the kitchen.

MOM -- FOUR meals. The kids have two snacks every day.

DAD -- You don't think it's a bit unusual that every dish in the
cupboard is dirty?!

MOM -- I let the kids make their own meals today. They tend to
use a lot of dishes when they cook for themselves.

DAD -- And what was that WAD of wet clothes doing on the laundry
room floor?

MOM -- The kids wanted to help with the laundry, but they lost

DAD -- This is really weird!

MOM -- (distracted with book) Huh? What was that, dear?

DAD -- None of the beds are made. There are dirty clothes strewn
all over the floors. There's a mess in the bathroom....

MOM -- Oh, that. I let the kids give the dog his bath.

DAD -- Do you know what the kids are doing now?

MOM -- Last I checked on them, they were making mud pies.

DAD -- Well, they're now using the mud pies as weapons.

MOM -- You might want to tell them to clean up for dinner.

DAD -- What dinner?! There's nothing on the stove or in the

MOM -- I'm sure you'll find something.

DAD -- There's nothing to find! The refrigerator and cupboards
look like Old Mother Hubbard! What's going on here?! What are
you up to?

MOM -- Actually, I'm not up to anything.

DAD -- You're up to SOMEthing! I know it!

MOM -- I'm just answering your question.

DAD -- What question?

MOM -- You asked me what I do all day.

DAD -- Yes, and you couldn't tell me.

MOM -- Does THIS answer your question?

DAD -- (looks around) I think I owe you an apology.

MOM -- An apology?

DAD -- Yes, I've always thought that I was the only one in this
family who works for a living. But, as a matter of fact, I
wouldn't dare to trade jobs with you, regardless of salary.

MOM -- Why, thank you for your acknowledgement.

DAD -- Now, can we please eat dinner?!

MOM -- (reading) Sure. Let me know when it's ready.

DAD -- (exiting) Oh, you're going to play THAT game, huh? Well,
I'll just order delivery pizza.

MOM -- Sounds good to me.

DAD -- (reenters) I can't find the phone number. Can you call?

MOM -- (exits with Dad) Sure. You can count on me!

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
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