MISSIONS 4'?m2f Missions ministry promo

KATHY -- (enters, crosses briskly until she sees Karla, puts 
head down, covers face with hand, stops) Oh, oh. (trying to 
look casual, turns to exit) 

KARLA -- (enters opposite with clip board) Kathy! You're just 
the person I wanted to see.

KATHY -- (deep breath, turns, fakes a smile) Karla. I didn't 
expect to see you here. (aside) In fact, that's why I came this 

KARLA -- You knew I was the chairman of the missions ministry 
here at the church, didn't you?

KATHY -- (feigns surprise) Really? Well, congratulations! (looks 
at watch) Oh, look at the time. (points over shoulder) I really 
have to be somewhere. (aside) Anywhere but here.

KARLA -- This will only take a minute.

KATHY -- That's what I like. (aside) A quick and painless death.

KARLA -- I have a couple of mission projects to talk to you 
about. And I know that one of them would be perfect for you.

KATHY -- For me? Oh, aren't you thoughtful?

KARLA -- (points at clip board) First, there's the project in 
Costa Rica.

KATHY -- Costa Rica? Well, that sounds exotic. But isn't that 
right near the equator? Isn't it likely to be a bit hot there?

KARLA -- Yes, but the mission sight is right on the Pacific 
Ocean. Jack Flaherty, who just came back from there, says the 
ocean breeze cools the air to ninety degrees at night.

KATHY -- Only ninety. 

KARLA -- And being right on the ocean, the missionaries can swim 
any time they like... although, you do have to be careful. 

KATHY -- Careful? What do you mean, careful?

KARLA -- Jack says he was zapped by sting ray and was completely 
incapacitated for a whole day.

KATHY -- It's not exactly Club Med, is it? And what about all 
those jungle creatures creeping and crawling around?

KARLA -- Oh, that's not much of a problem at this mission sight. 
Jack says the only creatures he had to fend off were cockroaches 
the size of a mouse.

KATHY -- (shivers with revulsion) Oh, you make it sound so 
inviting, Karla. Do you have any projects without cockroaches?

KARLA -- (points at clip board) Yes, in Papua, New Guinea, the 
natives build their houses in the trees a hundred feet above 
creepy crawly creatures on the forest floor.

KATHY -- That would make house-to-house visits a bit of an 
athletic event, wouldn't it?

KARLA -- Yes, but the people in Papua New Guinea are very 
friendly. You never go into someone's house there without being 
offered the local cuisine.

KATHY -- Just exactly what is the local cuisine?

KARLA -- Insect larvae.

KATHY -- Insect larvae?! You mean grub worms?!

KARLA -- I'm told they're quite tasty.

KATHY -- (shivers with revulsion) Well, that would sure entice 
me to sign up. I'd want to do house-to-house visits every night.

KARLA -- Actually, they don't do the house visits at night.

KATHY -- Oh? Why not?

KARLA -- The poisonous snakes are nocturnal in New Guinea. One 
bite and you'd be dead in 2 minutes.

KATHY -- What a sales job! I'm sold! Do you get a lot of people 
signing up to go to these disgusting places?

KARLA -- As a matter of fact, people are standing in line 
waiting to go.

KATHY -- You're kidding, right?

KARLA -- No. Our waiting list is full.

KATHY -- So, why are you trying to sell ME on going?

KARLA -- Oh, I'm not trying sell you on GOING. I wanted to ask 
you help someone else go.

KATHY -- Karla, let me put this to you just as clearly as I can. 
I am not interested in even HELPing anyone else if HELPing 
involves being within screaming distance of a cockroach or a 
poisonous snake.

KARLA -- (laughs) You don't have to go anywhere. You're most 
important help will be your prayers.

KATHY -- Prayers... Oh! You mean prayers!

KARLA -- Yes, that's why I thought you'd be perfect for this 
project. I know that you have a quiet time with the Lord every 
morning and these missionaries will need your prayers every day.

KATHY -- Well, I can do that... Do I have to mention the word 
COCKROACH in my prayers?

KARLA -- (laughs) No. As a matter of fact, for many of our 
missionaries, cockroaches are the least of their problems.

KATHY -- Says you.

KARLA -- No really. Many of our missionaries face possible 
arrest and imprisonment merely for talking about Jesus.

KATHY -- Then, you're talking about real prayer warfare.

KARLA -- It's not for the timid at heart. That's why I thought 
of you. You're a faithful prayer warrior.

KATHY -- You can count on me. I'll pray for them every day. Who 
do you want me to pray for?

KARLA -- (hands her a packet with picture) Frank and Martha 

KATHY -- Well, they can count on me for support.

KARLA -- Your prayer support isn't the only support they need.

KATHY -- Oh?

KARLA -- No. They're both quitting full time jobs here in order 
to spread the gospel of Christ overseas. And where they're 
going, foreigners are not allowed to compete with the locals for 
jobs. So, they won't have any income, except what we send them.

KATHY -- That's no problem. (pulls out checkbook, begins 
writing) I can send them some money every month... (looks up 
from writing) As long as I don't have to deliver it personally.

KARLA -- I knew you were the right person for this project.

KATHY -- (back to writing) You know why I'm doing this, don't 

KARLA -- Why?

KATHY -- I'm buying your silence.

KARLA -- What do you mean?

KATHY -- I mean if I write you a check every month, (tears off 
check) you have to promise that I won't hear another word about 

KARLA -- No cockroaches. (exiting)

KATHY -- No sting rays. (exiting)

KARLA -- No sting rays.

KATHY -- No grub worms.

KARLA -- No grub worms.

KATHY -- No poisonous snakes.

KARLA -- No poisonous snakes.

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