BACK MERCY 6'2m1f The distinction between Grace and Mercy EDDY -- (in his late teens, enters, blows on microphone) Is this thing on? Testing, testing, one, two, three. Yeah, okay, we're on the air. (to audience) So, ah, this is Eddy with another excellent interview. See, I'm a reporter. But, see, currently I'm without a job. So, I, like, borrowed the facilities of some rich dude's TV station an', well, if you like this fascinatin' interview, just remember, my name is Eddy and I need a job. You'll have to excuse me, see, 'cuz I have to hurry and do this interview and get out of here. That way the cops won't catch me. So, I'm Eddy. And I'm a reporter and ... did I mention that I need a job? Anyways, my exclusive interview today is with two identical twins and their names are Grace and Mercy. And, get this: they're angels, you know? ...like from heaven. (to Mercy) So, ah, what is your name? MERCY - (masculine woman, dressed in cop's uniform, enters) My name is Mercy. You wanna make somethin' of it? EDDY -- (to audience) See, I already knew her name. But reporter are supposed to ask junk like that. (to Mercy) So, ah, you were supposed bring your twin sister. MERCY - You mean Grace? She's always runnin' off saving people's lives or patchin' things up somewhere. I don't know where she is. She makes me puke. EDDY -- (to audience) So, ah, did you notice how I'm, like, not flustered when one of my guests doesn't show up? See, that's a mark of a excellent reporter. Did I mention that I'm looking for a job? My name is Eddy. So, ah, back to the interview. Notice now, how I inject controversy into the interview with carefully selected questions. (to Mercy) So, ah, I was expecting that, since you was angels and all, that you would be dressed nicer. MERCY - You don't like the way I dress, kid? EDDY -- I didn't mean no offense or nothin', but I mean, ah, I just didn't expect to see two angels named Grace and Mercy dressed in police uniforms. MERCY - Somethin' wrong with my uniform, kid? EDDY -- No. It's a nice uniform as uniforms go. And, oh, by the way, that's the biggest gun I ever seen. MERCY - The wages of sin is death, you know. EDDY -- (gulp) Ah, yeah, I read that somewhere. Ah, let's see, Romans 6:23, right? MERCY - Don't patronize me boy. Patronizing me might be construed as a sin and the wages of sin is DEATH. EDDY -- Ah, yeah, so you said. Say, listen, ah, don't take no offense or nothing, but I'm supposed to ask some personal stuff. Don't take this the wrong way, but I kind of expected an angel named MERCY to be, well, ah, nicer. MERCY - Kid, you ain't seen nothin. You shoulda seen me in the old days. EDDY -- The old days? MERCY - Yeah, you know, in Old Testament times, before Jesus made us holster our sidearms, before he changed our names. EDDY -- So, ah, Jesus changed your name, huh? (smiles at audience) MERCY - Yeah, he gets a kick out of that kind of stuff. Remember, he changed Simon's name to Peter and Saul's name to Paul. He says changing their names makes them change the way they look at themselves. EDDY -- So, ah, what was your name before he changed it to Mercy? MERCY - My name was Fire and Grace's name was Brimstone. Remember what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah? EDDY -- That was you? MERCY - They had it coming. So, the chief unleashed his two best angels of death on 'em. We pulled out our sidearms and Kapping, Kapping. When we finished with 'em, there was nothin' but ashes and smoke. Boy, we were good! EDDY -- Ah, say, ah, listen, ah, you wouldn't, ah,... MERCY - Naw! Jesus made us holster our sidearms. You're safe... for now. (chuckles) EDDY -- So, you don't, like, kill nobody no more, huh? MERCY - Nah, sometimes I'd like to. Some people got it coming. But, Mercy is my name and mercy is my game. I'm supposed to be a uniformed presence, a constant reminder to Christians that they had it comin' but they skated by. If I had my way, whenever somebody messes up, I'd punch his ticket. Kapping. Kapping. I say kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out. But, noooo! I gotta stand around with my arms folded, looking like a rent-a-cop. Mercy. What kind of name is that for an angel of death? EDDY -- So, ah, the Lord won't even let you blast away at the nonChristians? MERCY - What for? I mean, look at what the sinners are doing to themselves: wars, drugs, disease. It's like an angel of death couldn't make a living these days, even if she wanted to. EDDY -- Did ya ever think about changing jobs? MERCY - Now way. When Jesus comes again, he'll take the Christians out of the line of fire and then watch my smoke. EDDY -- Kapping. Kapping. MERCY - You got it, kid. Grace and Mercy become fire and brimstone again, that is unless my sister takes her new name too seriously. EDDY -- What do you mean? MERCY - I mean, for her, it's not enough that the Christians skated by without gettin' their ticket punched. Noooo. She's gotta go out lookin' for ways to give them stuff they don't deserve. EDDY -- Unmerited favor. MERCY - What? EDDY -- I looked it up. That's what Grace means. Unmerited favor. MERCY - You Christians like all them buzz words, don't ya. EDDY -- Well, I... MERCY - Anyways, Grace is probably off helping some Christian slob who, if justice was really served, should have his lights turned out for good. She always says, "Jesus paid their penalty". But that's no excuse for givin' 'em stuff they ain't even got comin'. She makes me puke. EDDY -- (to audience) So, was that a controversial interview or what? Say, I better disconnect from this TV station before the cops get here. MERCY - The wages of sin is DEATH, boy. EDDY -- Here hold this. (hands mike to Mercy, exits quickly) MERCY - Hey, where you going, kid? Hey! Is this thing on? (to audience) This is Mercy, your angel of death, reminding you that you got it comin'. (exits) ©2013 Bob Snook. 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