BACK MATURITY 5'?m2f The purpose of spiritual maturity: ministry LIZ -- (enters carrying file folder, talking on cell phone) Yes. I was thinking of a dark blue background overlaid with a large American flag. Yes, well, get back to me soon. I need this stuff like yesterday! (pockets phone) AMY -- (enters carrying briefcase) LIZ -- Please tell me you're with the video and sound crew. AMY -- Video and sound? No. I'm... (offers business card) LIZ -- (holds finger to lips, digs out phone) Excuse me. Yeah, who's this? No. I said RED carpet. Have you ever seen a celebrity making a grand entrance on blue carpet? (aside to Amy) Do you see what I put up with? (to phone) You do? You have red?! How many feet? I need the carpet runner to go all the way from the limo at curbside to the alter at the front of the church. Red. Yes. (to Amy) Didn't I just say RED carpet?! (to phone) Listen, this all happens this weekend. If I don't hear from you within an hour, I'll just find someone else. (pockets phone) Now where were we? AMY -- (offers business card) My name is Amy Bristol, I'm with... LIZ -- (reads) You're with the public relations company. I was expecting somebody... older. AMY -- I have a lot of experience. LIZ -- I suppose you'll have to do. AMY -- Thank you. LIZ -- (scanning file folder) Listen, we don't have much time. The video and sound people will be here in a few minutes to set up. That is, of course, unless they mess up like everybody else on this project. AMY -- Just what is THIS project? LIZ -- It's me. AMY -- You. LIZ -- Yes. I want you to P.R. me to all print and telemedia before this weekend. AMY -- That doesn't give us much time. LIZ -- I suppose you're going to tell me you don't have time to set up a web site for me. AMY -- Actually, we COULD set up a DOT COM for you, but there wouldn't be enough time to produce the content. LIZ -- I have already done my own write-ups and pictures. I'll email them to you. (reads business card) This your email address here? AMY -- Yes. Can you give me a hint as to what all this is about? LIZ -- I told you. It's about me. I attained spiritual maturity. AMY -- Spiritual maturity. LIZ -- Yes. The details will be in the email. You should probably get started with the public relations now. (exiting) I've got to... AMY -- Excuse me, but what would you like our public relations firm to do for you... besides set up your web site? LIZ -- (turns) You're new at this, aren't you? AMY -- No. As a matter of fact... LIZ -- To make a long story short, I have read through the entire Bible five times, I have read through the New Testament twelve times. I have memorized three hundred forty-three Bible verses, including all of Romans chapter eight, Colossians chapter three and the entire book of James. I give ten percent of my income to the church -- that's based on the gross, not the net. And I haven't missed a single church service in over three and a half years. AMY -- I see. LIZ -- It's all in the email. (exiting) I'll have it to you by the time you get back to your office. AMY -- Including what you're going to do next? LIZ -- (turns) Next? AMY -- Yes. I assume that the purpose of this public relations HYPE is to let people know what you're going to DO with all this vast Christian maturity. LIZ -- What are you talking about?! AMY -- I assume that the purpose of all this is to announce your ministry? LIZ -- Ministry? What are you babbling about? AMY -- So, the purpose of this HYPE isn't leading anywhere. LIZ -- There's nowhere to lead. I've attained everything! What else is left? AMY -- I'm curious. What are you expecting to happen after this HYPE is all over? LIZ -- Well, for one thing. I'll probably be on the "A" list for cocktail parties and fund raisers. People will undoubtedly want to seek me out at parties and ask me to recite my Bible verses. I wouldn't be surprised if one of the pews in my church has a brass plate with my name engraved on it. Pastors from other churches will call me to consult with them on difficult Bible passages. I was kind of expecting YOU to book me on all the TV and radio talk shows. I'm not sure what I'll charge as an honorarium for speaking engagements, but... AMY -- So, you look at spiritual maturity as an end in itself instead of as preparation for serving others? LIZ -- Of course! It's a trophy! You don't really expect me to grovel with the masses now that I've attain greatness, do you? AMY -- Jesus said, "The greatest among you must be your servant." LIZ -- He said that? AMY -- It's in the New Testament which you said you've read at least twelve times. LIZ -- I must have skimmed over that part. You don't think people expect me to be a SERVANT, do you? AMY -- Only those who read their Bibles. LIZ -- I guess I wouldn't mind BEING a servant as long as people didn't treat me like a servant. AMY -- They probably will. LIZ -- You mean, if I publicize this, I'll have people calling me, expecting me to... to... AMY -- SERVE. LIZ -- Please don't say that. Listen, I changed my mind. Cancel the hype. AMY -- My pleasure. (exits opposite) LIZ -- (pulls phone from pocket) Yeah, hi. Listen, I'd like to cancel the carpet, the drapes and the flag. Yes. Cancel. No. I know I specified RED, but I've decided I don't need any carpet at all. None. Not red. Not blue. None. Well, you don't have to be rude! (exits running) Oh, no! There's the video and sound crew! (shouts) Wait. Don't unload the truck! ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |