LOVE4    9'1m4f Love, eros, phileo, agape', Holy Spirit

SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with unlit cigarette in mouth,
crosses strolling, to audience) The name is Spade. Sam Spade.
I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest
private investigator.

SEEKER -- (follows) Ah, excuse me. Are you Sam Spade? (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) You see? When you're the very best, people
seek you out. (to seeker) Yes, I'm Sam Spade. How may I help

SEEKER -- I met this person once. I'd like you to track her
down. (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) Take note: when a client uses the term
"TRACK HER DOWN" these days, she might be a stalker. Mind you,
I'm still going to take her money, but, let's just say that my
search for the missing person might be less than fruitful. (to
seeker) Let me put this as delicately as I can: (points at
Seeker's nose) Are you a stalker?

SEEKER -- Oh, no. Nothing like that. I met her at the airport a
few months ago and we had a long conversation while we waited
for our flights. Then, she went her way and I went mine.

SAM -- Then, why do you want me to "TRACK HER DOWN"?

SEEKER -- Oh, I see. It's my language. Well, I may have used the
wrong term. I thought that's what detectives do -- how they

SAM -- So, you're not a stalker?

SEEKER -- Oh, no!

SAM -- Then, let me repeat the question. Why do you want me to

SEEKER -- There was something about her, something winsome and

SAM -- Attractive, aye?

SEEKER -- Oh, not like that. I mean. I just had a crisis in my
life and I'm ready for a change. I want to find this person and
find out how she became so winsome and attractive. I what to
find out what she's got that I'm missing.

SAM -- Oh. Sure. Alright, I'll find her for you.

SEEKER -- You will?!

SAM -- Sure. I'm the world's greatest private-eye. I can find
anybody. What's her name?

SEEKER -- All I can remember was her last name.

SAM -- What's that?

SEEKER -- Love.

SAM -- Love? L.O.V.E. Love?

SEEKER -- Yes.

SAM -- You said you had a long conversation with her. How is it
you don't remember her first name?

SEEKER -- She said she was Greek. Her first name was Greek and
I'd never heard any name like it before.

SAM -- No problem. I'll just look up all the Greeks with the
last name of LOVE and I'm sure I can find her for you.

SEEKER -- Oh, good.

SAM -- (rubs fore-finger against thumb) For a price.

SEEKER -- For a price. (smile, stands straight) Oh! You mean you
want money. Sure. (offers envelope) Here. (exits)

SAM -- (peeks into envelope) Holy Cow! I mean, this should be
enough to get me started. (turns, strolls, to audience) I
started my search for LOVE in the local phone book. I gleaned
all the Greeks. And to my surprise there were only three Greek
LOVES in the entire city. My first stop was down at the red
light district.

EROS -- (enters opposite) Hiya, stud. Want a good time?

SAM -- Huh? (looks behind) You talking to me?

EROS -- Yeah, I'm talking to you, handsome.

SAM -- I'm looking for LOVE.

EROS -- Ain't we all sweetie?! I can give you all the love you
can handle.

SAM -- No, you don't understand. I'm looking for a Greek with
the last name LOVE.

EROS -- (backs away) Wait a minute! You a cop?

SAM -- No. I'm a private eye.

EROS -- So, you didn't really come here for love.

SAM -- Not the kind of love you're talking about.

EROS -- Then take a hike! (turns)

SAM -- I got a client with a lot of money.

EROS -- (turns) A client, you say?

SAM -- Yes. Loaded.

EROS -- I'm listening.

SAM -- Is your name REALLY LOVE?

EROS -- Yes.

SAM -- First name?


SAM -- That's Greek, right?

EROS -- Right. Would you like me to give you the translation,

SAM -- That won't be necessary. I think I have a good idea what
EROS means. Do you spend much time at the airport?

EROS -- Never been there. But for the right incentive, I could
learn to love it.

SAM -- Sorry. You're not the LOVE my client is looking for.

EROS -- Listen, I could be anyone you want me to be, really.

SAM -- (turns) Sorry, my client was rather specific. (turns)

EROS -- (backs toward exit) Well, if you're ever looking for
EROS, baby, you know where to find me.

SAM -- (strolls, to audience) My next stop was at the local

PHILEO -- (enters wearing cheerleading uniform, does a cheer
while talking) Welcome to Gamma Sigma Nu! How can I be of
service to you? (points pompoms at Sam)

SAM -- Much as I hate to admit it, I'm looking for LOVE.

PHILEO -- LOVE?! That's MY name! (cheers) My name is LOVE and I
live in the room above! Rah!

SAM -- Is your name REALLY LOVE?

PHILEO -- Oh, no! I think I know who you are!

SAM -- Who do you think I am?

PHILEO -- I applied to be the student editor of the school
newspaper and you're here to tell me that I won! Rah!

SAM -- No.

PHILEO -- That's impossible! I'm the president of Gamma Sigma Nu
and I've been student body president every year since I was in
Sixth grade! Everybody loves me! How could you possibly not love

SAM -- What I meant was, I'm not from the school newspaper.

PHILEO -- Oh. Oh! I know who you are! You're from the national
office of Gamma Sigma Nu! You're here to reward my sorority with
the medal of excellence.

SAM -- No.

PHILEO -- The medal of unity? You know our sorority has the
highest degree of unity in the entire school, maybe in the

SAM -- No.

PHILEO -- But everybody loves me! How could you overlook us like

SAM -- Listen, I'm a private investigator. I'm looking for a
Greek with the last name LOVE.

PHILEO -- That's my last name. I told you that.

SAM -- First name?

PHILEO -- (cheers) Phileo! That P.H.I.L.E.O! Phileo! Rah!

SAM -- That's a Greek name.

PHILEO -- It means brotherly love. That's why everyone loves me.

SAM -- Have you ever been to the airport?

PHILEO -- Once, to pick up my gramma. She lives in Florida. She
has two dogs and a cat and she grows violets. African Violets.

SAM -- That's nice. But you're not the LOVE I'm looking for.

PHILEO -- Oh. Well, (cheers) Thanks for coming to Gamma Sigma
Nu! It was nice to meet you! (exits) Rah. Rah. Rah.

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) Dead ends are an
unfortunate but necessary part of the detective business. The
good news is the only remaining Greek with the last name LOVE
was probably the LOVE my client was looking for. I rang the door

MOM -- (enters opposite) Yes?

SAM -- You look too old.

MOM -- I beg your pardon?!

SAM -- What I meant was, I'm looking for a Greek with the last
name LOVE. But I got the impression that she was younger.

MOM -- You must be referring to my daughter.

SAM -- Can I talk to her?

MOM -- I'm sorry. She died last week.

SAM -- She what?!

MOM -- She died.

SAM -- How did she die?

MOM -- She was camping in the mountains and there was a flash
flood. A baby got washed into flood waters and my daughter dived
in to saved the baby. But after she handed the baby to the
mother, my daughter was swept away by the flood waters and

SAM -- Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

MOM -- She was a brave and selfless girl. I was proud to be her

SAM -- And her first name was....


SAM -- AGAPE'. A...

MOM -- A.G.A.P.E. Agape'. It means unselfish, sacrificial love.

SAM -- This is definitely the LOVE my client was looking for.

MOM -- Your client.

SAM -- Yes. I'm a private investigator. My client met Agape' at
the airport a few months ago, and she apparently made quite an
impression on her, because she paid me a lot of money to track
her down.

MOM -- Agape' had that affect on everyone she met, especially
since she dedicated her life to Jesus.

SAM -- So, she was a Christian?

MOM -- Yes. Agape' gave credit to the Holy Spirit for empowering
her to do the right thing even when it wasn't comfortable. After
Agape' died, several of her friends and relatives accepted
Christ because of her love. (exits)

SAM -- Well, thanks for the info. (turns, strolls, to audience)
Another dead end. And there's nowhere else to turn. No detective
likes to give his client bad news. So, you're about to see how
the world's greatest private eye turns a negative into a
positive using spin.

SEEKER -- (enters opposite) Well? Did you track her down? Did
you find LOVE?

SAM -- I have some good news and some bad news and some good

SEEKER -- (sighs) Okay.

SAM -- I found the LOVE you were looking for.

SEEKER -- You did?!

SAM -- Yes. Her name was AGAPE'. The name AGAPE' means
sacrificial love.

SEEKER -- Was?

SAM -- Excuse me?

SEEKER -- You said her name WAS Agape'.

SAM -- That's the bad news. She died.


SAM -- But the good news is she died saving someone's life in an
act of sacrificial love.

SEEKER -- That sounds just like the LOVE I remember.

SAM -- There's even more good news.

SEEKER -- What's that?

SAM -- YOU can have the winsome and attractive manner she had.

SEEKER -- I can?!

SAM -- Apparently, the LOVE Agape' had is a free gift of the
Holy Spirit when you give your life to Jesus.

SEEKER -- (turns, exits) Oh, wow! Wait til I tell the others!

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) So, that's it. When the
Holy Spirit is involved, even bad news comes with good news. And
that's no spin. (exits)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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