HERESY   5'?m2f Cults and heresy: clashing with the Bible

(both actors wear business attire)

AMY -- (enters, crosses to podium, digs in pocket or wallet for
quarter, deposits quarter, removes styro cup, turns toward exit
raising cup to lips)

LIZ -- (enters opposite, crosses quickly to Amy) Oh! You're just
the person I wanted to see.

AMY -- (turns) Excuse me?

LIZ -- You're just the person I wanted to see. (digs in pocket
or purse for quarter, deposits quarter, removes styro cup) I've
got some terrific news.

AMY -- I'm sorry, (points over shoulder) You're not from my
department, are you? Have we met?

LIZ -- No. We haven't met. But I've seen you in the cafeteria.

AMY -- Uh huh.

LIZ -- Yeah, I've seen you leading that Bible study at lunch

AMY -- Uh huh.

LIZ -- I... I'm a Christian too, you know.

AMY -- I see. Well, would you like to join our Bible study?

LIZ -- Not really. I get my revelations directly from God.

AMY -- I see. So, you're a prophet.

LIZ -- Yes, I thought you'd like to hear about my latest...

AMY -- True prophets are a very rare breed, you know.

LIZ -- They are? I mean, we are?

AMY -- Yes, the nation of Israel often went for hundreds of
years without hearing a direct revelation from God through a

LIZ -- No kidding. So, I was right then. I've probably got a
pretty hot commodity here, huh?

AMY -- Hot commodity?

LIZ -- I had a huge revelation last night.

AMY -- Being a prophet is a huge responsibility, you know.

LIZ -- Yes, and I'll bet there's a big book deal in it for me

AMY -- I'm not so sure.

LIZ -- I might even start my own church, you know, my own,
what-you-may-call-it, denomination.

AMY -- Wo! Slow down! Shouldn't you be sure if this revelation
is really from God?

LIZ -- Well, of course it's from God. Who else would it be from?

AMY -- Well, I can think of a couple of...

LIZ -- ...Okay, let me tell you my revelation....

AMY -- (points over shoulder) ...Listen, I really should be
getting back to work. Maybe you should stop by my table in the
cafeteria at lunch....

LIZ -- This will only take a minute. It's really spectacular.
Okay, so I was talking to this salamander....

AMY -- Excuse me? Did you say a salamander?

LIZ -- Yes.

AMY -- You were TALKING to a salamander?

LIZ -- Yes, in my dream... my revelation. Anyway, he said...

AMY -- Listen, I hate to be sceptical. But how do you know this
dream of yours didn't come from eating bad pizza?

LIZ -- I didn't eat any pizza last night. So, anyway, this
salamander told me the true identity of Jesus.

AMY -- I thought we already knew the true identity of Jesus.

LIZ -- Oh contrare! According to the salamander, Jesus was
really the brother of Satan and...

AMY -- ...Bad pizza.

LIZ -- Excuse me?

AMY -- How many people have you told this revelation to?

LIZ -- You're the first. I wanted you to hear the good news

AMY -- And how is this good news?

LIZ -- Well, everybody thought that Jesus was just a guy. But
he's really the brother of Satan and in this struggle for

AMY -- ...Bad pizza.

LIZ -- You keep talking about pizza! Are you hungry?

AMY -- Listen, there's a couple of things you should know about

LIZ -- Alright, I'm listening. But make it snappy. The best part
of the prophecy is coming up.

AMY -- If you're prophecy is really from God, it can't disagree
with the Bible.

LIZ -- It can't? Why not?

AMY -- Because the Bible is the word of God. And God would never
disagree with himself.

LIZ -- Oh, well, that's no problem. This prophecy doesn't
disagree with the Bible. This prophecy just fills in the
details. It tells you where Jesus came from before he was a baby
in Bethlehem. And now we know "the rest of the story".

AMY -- Oh, but, we already knew "the rest of the story".

LIZ -- We did?

AMY -- Yes, from cover to cover, the Bible teaches that Jesus is
God himself.

LIZ -- Naw!

AMY -- Yes, the Bible says that the heavens and the earth were
created by Jesus.

LIZ -- Naw!

AMY -- Yes, the Bible says that one of the titles bestowed upon
Jesus was Immanuel, which means "God with us".

LIZ -- Well, how could he be God and be Satan's brother at the
same time?

AMY -- He couldn't. Satan was an angel, a created being.

LIZ -- An angel? I thought he was just, you know, Satan.

AMY -- According to the Bible, Satan was an angel who rebelled
against God and was thrown out of Heaven.

LIZ -- Well, what about my prophecy? What about the salamander?

AMY -- Bad pizza.

LIZ -- It couldn't be! It was so real! It made so much sense!

AMY -- That's why the Bible warns us to test every new teaching
against the Bible. Your senses and your feelings can fool you.

LIZ -- I was sure there was a book deal in this for me.

AMY -- You're lucky you're not living in ancient Israel.

LIZ -- Why? What do you mean?

AMY -- In ancient Israel if you claimed to be a prophet, but
your prophecy was false, you would be stoned to death.

LIZ -- I've got to get back to work. (turns, exits) It's a good
thing I didn't tell her about inheriting my own planet.

AMY -- (turns, exits opposite) Bad pizza.

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