HATETALK 6'?m3f Hate crimes, hate speech, tolerance, inclusion

JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, crosses to podium or
judge's bench, pounds gavel) This court will come to order.
(shuffles papers) My docket is missing. Where is my docket?

PROSECUTOR -- (enters carrying an armful of legal briefs) I have
the docket, Your Honor. We in the district attorney's office had 
to make some last-minute additions. (offers paper)

JUDGE -- (takes paper, motions broadly to audience) Who are all
these people in the gallery? I never have this many people for
arraignments. Are you prosecuting a celebrity this morning?

PROSECUTOR -- No, Your Honor. These people are all defendants
who are up for arraignment this morning.

JUDGE -- All of them?

PROSECUTOR -- Yes, Your Honor. The new hate crime legislation
took affect at midnight last night.

JUDGE -- And you have this many violations already?

PROSECUTOR -- Yes, Your Honor. We wanted to strike while the
iron was hot.

JUDGE -- Very well, let's have the first arraignment. (reads)
The state versus Johnson at al.

PROSECUTOR -- (offers legal brief) Here is the complaint, Your
Honor. The charge is insightment.

JUDGE -- Insightment?

PROSECUTOR -- Yes, insightment to do grievous bodily harm. It's
a violation of the new hate crime legislation against hate

JUDGE -- Who will be representing Mr Johnson and the
fourteen other defendants in this case?

DEFENSE -- (enters opposite) I will be representing ALL the
defendants in the courtroom, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- All of them!?

DEFENSE -- Yes, Your Honor, all of them.

PROSECUTOR -- Ambulance chaser.

JUDGE -- Counselor!

DEFENSE -- As a matter of fact, Your Honor, I will be taking all
of these cases PRO BONO.

PROSECUTOR -- Pro Bono?!

JUDGE -- You mean, you'll be defending all of them? Free of

DEFENSE -- Yes, Your Honor. The new hate crime statute is
nothing more that an attack on our constitutional right to free
speech. I will be appealing these cases all the way up to the
Supreme Court.

PROSECUTOR -- Your Honor, may I suggest that defense counsel
should save his summation for the jury trial.

JUDGE -- (flips through brief) I see that the defendants have
stipulated to some of the accusations, Counselor?

DEFENSE -- Yes, Your Honor, my clients do not deny that they
have openly opposed abortion on demand.

PROSECUTOR -- They also stipulated to calling abortion murder,
Your Honor.

DEFENSE -- Yes, they have.

PROSECUTOR -- Then, I see no need for a trial. Have them plead

JUDGE -- What plea do you enter, Counselor?

DEFENSE -- My clients are willing to plead guilty if the
prosecution can produce a linkage between the verbal opinions of
my clients and ANY violence against abortion doctors or their

JUDGE -- Counselor, can you provide any such linkage?

PROSECUTOR -- Well, not directly. We know that clinics have been
bombed and doctors have been killed because of Christian hate
mongers like these.

JUDGE -- In other words, you can't provide any linkage.

PROSECUTOR -- Well, no. But the new statute doesn't require any
linkage. All it requires is proof of hate speech.

JUDGE -- Counselor?

DEFENSE -- Your Honor, the pro-abortion people have no good
arguments for killing innocent unborn babies, so their solution
is to cut off debate by making it illegal to even talk out loud
against abortion.

PROSECUTOR -- The law is the law, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- (scanning brief) Counsel is correct. According to
the new statute, the state has met the burden of proof. No
linkage is required. How do you plead?

DEFENSE -- Not guilty, Your Honor. We ask for an early date.

JUDGE -- Very well. Next Case.

PROSECUTOR -- (offers legal brief) The state versus Smith et al.
Same charges. Insightment to violence.

JUDGE -- (paging) This complaint alleges insightment charges
against twelve defendants for criticizing homosexuals and

PROSECUTOR -- Christian hate mongers like these have caused gay
bashing and even murder in the past, Your Honor.

DEFENSE -- Your Honor, homosexual activists can't produce a
single peer-reviewed research study showing that homosexuality
is inherited or that homosexual behavior is anything but a
personal choice. So, lacking any good arguments for their case,
they want to silence the opposition.

PROSECUTOR -- Maybe I should add YOUR name to the list of

DEFENSE -- Can the prosecutor produce any linkage between my
clients' opposition to an immoral lifestyle and actual violence
against homosexuals?

PROSECUTOR -- No linkage is required by the new statute against
hate-speech, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- How do you plead?

DEFENSE -- Not guilty, Your Honor. We ask for an early date.

JUDGE -- Very well. Next Case.

PROSECUTOR -- (offers legal brief) The state versus Jones et al.
Same charges.

JUDGE -- What's this? You're charging Alcoholics Anonymous with
hate crimes?!

PROSECUTOR -- Everybody knows that A.A. is actively vocal in
their opposition to drunkenness, Your Honor. Can violence
against drunks be far behind?

JUDGE -- You've got to be kidding!

PROSECUTOR -- The new statute against hate-speech does not
require a linkage to actual crimes of violence, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- (sigh) How do you plead?

DEFENSE -- Not guilty, Your Honor. We ask for an early date.

JUDGE -- You're filling up my calendar, Counselor!

DEFENSE -- Sorry, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- Next Case.

PROSECUTOR -- (offers legal brief) The state versus Davidson et
al. Same charges.

JUDGE -- What's this? You're charging twenty-five church pastors
and Bible study teachers for openly opposing adultery?!

PROSECUTOR -- The state wants to send a clear message to anyone
who would contemplate violence against an adulterer, Your Honor.

DEFENSE -- I don't see how the gospel of love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control could produce
violence, do you, Your Honor?

JUDGE -- Well, actually,...

PROSECUTOR -- No linkage is required by the law. It only
requires proof of hate speech. And the defendants have
admitted that they oppose adultery publicly.

JUDGE -- (sigh) How do you plead?

DEFENSE -- Not guilty, Your Honor. We ask for an early date.

JUDGE -- Next case.

PROSECUTOR -- (offers legal brief) The state versus Whitmore et
al. Same charges.

JUDGE -- Wait a minute! This complaint lists ME as a
codefendant! It also lists every judge in this courthouse!

PROSECUTOR -- Yes, Your Honor, by pronouncing guilt upon
defendants, you insight others to violence against them.

JUDGE -- That's it! That does it! All these hate-speech cases
are dismissed. (drops briefs over the front of the bench)

PROSECUTOR -- You can't do that!

JUDGE -- You're right. I'll allow one hate speech case to go to

PROSECUTOR -- Which one?

JUDGE -- I am charging YOU (points to Prosecutor) with hate


JUDGE -- Yes. By openly opposing me and telling me that I can't
dismiss these cases, you insighted violence against judges.
(pushes Prosecutor toward exit) Bailiff, put this hate monger in

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.  email: [email protected]