BACK GADGET 6'?m3f Don't blame demons for human nature (scene: a courtroom or bare stage with podium) (note: all characters wear black) NEWBY -- (enters looking around, sings) Hello. Is anybody here? Boss? Are you here? BOSS -- (enters opposite) Yeah, I'm here. Did you bring the gadget? NEWBY -- (removes TV remote control from pocket) Yeah, it's right here. (looks around) Where is everybody? BOSS -- Who were you expecting? NEWBY -- The press core. I thought sure the success of my new device (waves remote control) would draw the news media like flies. BOSS -- Sorry, kid, there ain't going to be no press here. NEWBY -- Well, I think I know why. You called the press conference here in the court house instead of city hall. City hall would have been a better place for a press conference. BOSS -- What makes you think this is a press conference? NEWBY -- To announce my promotion. Isn't that what this is all about? To announce my promotion because of my new invention? BOSS -- Ah, no. NEWBY -- (not listening) Because I thought sure that with the success of this amazing new invention I was sure to get promoted to Demon First-Class or even Demon Supervisor. JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, crosses to podium) BOSS -- Ah, no. NEWBY -- Then what are we doing here?! JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) This court will come to order. NEWBY -- Is someone on trial here? BOSS -- (puts finger to lips) JUDGE -- Is the prisoner present? BOSS -- Yes, Your Honor. NEWBY -- (looks around, whispers) Where?! JUDGE -- The charge is misrepresentation and fraud. How does the defendant plead? BOSS -- (nods at Newby, motions toward Judge) How do you plead? NEWBY -- Me?! (shouts) I'm on trial?! JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) Order in the court. NEWBY -- What am I being charged with?! BOSS -- I thought we covered that. Didn't we cover that? JUDGE -- We covered that. How do you plead? NEWBY -- I'm being charged with misrepresentation and fraud?! BOSS -- I'm sorry, Your Honor, the defendant is a little slow on the uptake. NEWBY -- I know what this is about! This is about (points at Boss) you being afraid that I will be promoted and that YOU will be out of a job! JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) Order in the court. NEWBY -- I'm sorry, Your Honor. But this is an ambush! I was under the impression that I was coming here today for a press conference about my new invention. (shows TV remote) JUDGE -- So, you admit that the gadget belongs to you. NEWBY -- Well, of course. BOSS -- The prosecution offers (takes remote, gives it to Judge) the gadget in evidence as people's item number one. JUDGE -- And you admit to weilding this gadget in front of Christians? NEWBY -- Well, of course. I designed this "GADGET" to be used against Christians to keep them from being useful to God. JUDGE -- And how does it do that? BOSS -- Correction, Your Honor, the question should be "How does the gadget ALLEGEDLY do that?" JUDGE -- Alright, how does this gadget ALLEGEDLY keep Christians from being useful to God? NEWBY -- Well, when a Christian is about to do something useful to God, the demon aims the device at the Christian and pushes one of the buttons. JUDGE -- Let the record show that the buttons are labeled (reads) "selfishness", "ambition", "busyness", "resentment", "fear".... BOSS -- ...The prosecution will stipulate that the gadget is appropriately labeled. JUDGE -- Very well, as you were saying, the demon pushes the appropriate button and the Christian... does what? NEWBY -- Well, the Christian then becomes selfish or busy or resentful or whatever and ceases to be useful to God. JUDGE -- Sounds ingenious to me. BOSS -- IF the gadget actually works. JUDGE -- So, you're alleging this gadget... NEWBY -- ...I prefer to call it a device... JUDGE -- This device doesn't work as advertised? BOSS -- I'm alleging that the GADGET doesn't work at all! JUDGE -- And how do you know that? BOSS -- Open the battery compartment. JUDGE -- Very well....(begins prying at latch) NEWBY -- Ah, you really shouldn't. Only an authorized service agent of the manufacturer should service the device or the warrantee will be voided. JUDGE -- (shows empty battery compartment) No wonder you didn't want me to open this gadget.... NEWBY -- ...I prefer to call it the device, Your Honor? JUDGE -- There are no batteries in it! NEWBY -- I wonder how that happened. (scans floor, edges toward exit) I'm sure the batteries must have fallen out somewhere. JUDGE -- Seize the prisoner! BOSS -- (grabs Newby by the elbow) Oh no you don't! NEWBY -- Listen, Your Honor, I can explain! JUDGE -- I'm sure you can. But you won't. NEWBY -- I won't? JUDGE -- Not in my courtroom. This court finds the defendant guilty as charged of misrepresentation and fraud in the devious use of an inanimate object to make Christians think that demons have control over such human sins as selfishness, ambition, resentment, busyness, and all the others. The sins cannot be controlled by demons, but are part of man's own fallen nature! We will now proceed with the penalty phase of the trial. NEWBY -- Oh oh. BOSS -- The prosecution recommends an early trip to the lake of fire, Your Honor. NEWBY -- Isn't that a little harsh?! JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) Order in the court. NEWBY -- I'm sorry, Your Honor. I'll take whatever punishment the court is willing to give me. JUDGE -- I hereby promote the defendant to Demon First Class. BOSS -- You what?! NEWBY -- A promotion?! JUDGE -- I think the prosecution has forgotten that the business of us demons is misrepresentation and fraud. If we can make the Christians think we have ANY real control over their lives, they're rendered powerless to do the work of God. This court is dismissed. (pounds gavel, exits arm in arm with Newby) Let's hold a press conference! BOSS -- What about me? (follows) What kind of world is it if there's no room for an honest demon?! ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |