FAMILY   5'1m5f Spiritual warfare, Satan attacks families

(scene: conference table, six chairs. Demons enter singly or in 
pairs speaking silently, sit)

ASIA --- Did you hear?

AUS ---- Hear what? Nobody ever tells me anything.

ASIA --- Japan just surrendered. World War two is over.

SOAM --- Oh, oh, the boss is really going to be hopping mad.

ASIA --- (points) Shshshsh, here he comes.

SATAN -- (enters calmly) Alright, I guess we're all here. This 
meeting will come to order. (pounds fist on table)

ALL ---- (lurch, eye one another nervously) 

SATAN -- (shakes finger) If I don't hear some good news, you 
demons are in BIG trouble. Do I make myself clear? (pounds fist 
on table)

ALL ---- (lurch, eye one another nervously) Yes, sir.

SATAN -- (calmly) Let's begin with Europe.

EUROPE - The news from Europe isn't all bad, Lucifer. True, 
there is peace now. But let's remember that fifty-five million 
people died in the war.

ALL ---- (nods and speak affirmations)

SATAN -- (pounds fist on table) May I remind you that the 
purpose of the war was to kill off the Jews and the Christians?

EUROPE - I know boss.

SATAN -- And how many are left?

EUROPE - Two thirds of the Jews and hundreds of millions of 

SATAN -- (pounds fist on table)

ALL ---- (lurch, eye one another nervously)

EUROPE - Listen, boss. Most of the churches in Europe were 
either destroyed or damaged in World War Two. Only about two 
percent Europeans go to church now. Christians are not much of a 
threat in my zone anymore, boss.

SATAN -- Then where are all these Christian?

ASIA --- Not in Asia.

AFRICA - Not in Africa.

AUS ---- Not in Australia.

SOAM --- Not in South America.

(all eyes on NOAM) 

NOAM --- It's not my fault, boss. America is a Christian nation, 
founded on Christian principles. They won World War Two by 
singing (sings) "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, praise 
the Lord and pass the ammunition, praise the Lord....

SATAN -- (pounds fist on table) I know the song.

NOAM --- Sorry, boss.

SATAN -- Demons, by my calculation, we have just over fifty 
years left until Jesus comes back to take his church home to 
Heaven. And when he comes back I want his church to be empty. Do 
I make myself clear?

ALL ---- Yes, sir.

SATAN -- Now, how are we going to do that?

NOAM --- It's not going to be easy, boss. It isn't like (points) 
Europe or (points) South America where one church runs the whole 
continent. In those places all we had to do is corrupt one 
organization and the whole church kind of fell apart. In America 
there's lots of small churches. Everybody reads the Bible for 
themselves. They don't take their marching orders from one guy. 

SATAN -- (pounds fist on table) Don't tell me what you can't do. 
Tell me what you CAN do.

AFRICA - Maybe we should introduce Islam in America, boss. It 
worked in North Africa and Southwest Asia.

NOAM --- Naw, that won't work. These Americans pass down their 
faith from father to son, mother to daughter. That's how 
they've resisted our attacks for almost 200 years. It's a FAMILY 

SATAN -- Then, we'll go after the family.

NOAM --- I don't get it.

SATAN -- Obviously not. You haven't made any progress in North 
America in 200 years. 

NOAM --- Sorry, boss. It's not like we haven't tried.

SATAN -- Alright, demons, let's hear some ideas for dismantling 
American families.

EUROPE - How about television?

AUS ---- Television? What's that?

EUROPE - It was invented during the war. It's a way to bring 
live pictures into the family's living room. Once we get them 
hooked on entertainment, instead of interacting with one 
another, the kids will get their values from the television 
rather than from their parents.

SATAN -- Good. Let's hear another idea.

ASIA --- They could do what we do in communist countries. We 
could use the schools to preach values, rather than teach 
reading, writing and arithmetic. 

SATAN -- Good. The first thing we have to do is outlaw prayer in 

ASIA --- Good idea, boss. 

AFRICA - Hey, boss, how about if we raise taxes so that both the 
mother and the father have to work outside the home? That way 
the parents won't spend as much time with their kids. They can't 
pass on their values if they don't spend much time with them.

SATAN -- Now you've got the ball rolling.

NOAM --- How about if we make it easier to break up a family? 
How about if we create the "no-fault" divorce law.

SATAN -- Good idea. That leaves them with one less parent to 
pass on their values. I like it. I like it a lot!

AUS ---- Let's go one step further, boss. How about if we make it 
more attractive not to have a family at all?

SATAN -- Keep talking.

AUS ---- We could promote homosexuality, living together outside 
of marriage, free-love, that sort of thing. We'll make them 
sound more attractive by calling them "alternate lifestyles".

SATAN -- We're on a roll now. Keep going!

SOAM --- We could not only make them SOUND legitimate, we could 
actually make "alternate lifestyles" legal and financially 

NOAM --- How do we do that?

SOAM --- We could change the tax laws, the welfare laws and 
the social security laws to give tax breaks and financial 
incentives to unmarried couples who live together in sin.

SATAN -- Now, you're talking, demons! Now you're talking! 
Alright, I'm reassigning all of you to North America for a blitz 
against the American family. By the time we finish with them, 
American families will have so few values that even the 
President of the United States will have sex outside of marriage 
and the citizens won't even blink. This meeting is adjourned.

(all exit)

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