FALSE    4'2m0f End times: many will claim to be the messiah

ED --   (enters crosses casually, clipboard in hand)

FRED -- (follows Ed in, looks back, as if being followed, waves) 
Hello, there.

ED --   (turns) May I help you?

FRED -- Are you the manager of this TV station?

ED --   Yes, I am.

FRED -- Then, you can announce me. I'm here.

ED --   And who would you be?

FRED -- Don't you recognize me? I'm him.

ED --   Him.

FRED -- The messiah, silly. So, here I am. You can announce my 
arrival now.

ED --   You are the messiah?

FRED -- Uh huh.

ED --   Jesus?

FRED -- In the flesh. 

ED --   In the flesh. I see.

FRED -- You don't believe me?

ED --   Well, the Bible says that the messiah will arrive the 
same way he departed.

FRED -- Yeah, so?

ED --   So, how did you get into this building?

FRED -- (looks back again) Did you see me come in?

ED --   No.

FRED -- Then, I came down from heaven and landed on the roof.

ED --   And who saw you arrive?

FRED -- Nobody. I snuck in, to avoid the autograph hounds. You 
know how it is when you're famous.

ED --   But, the messiah had several witnesses when he ascended 
into heaven. 

FRED -- Yeah, so?

ED --   So, he promised that when he descended from Heaven 
again, he would have several witnesses.

FRED -- Oh, that! 

ED --   Yeah, that.

FRED -- I changed my mind.

ED --   Funny, Jesus never broke a single one of his promises 

FRED -- Well, I'm the messiah. I can do anything I want, which 
includes breaking a promise. Can you just break into this 
program and announce me now?

ED --   You want me to break into a network feed...

FRED -- ...Yeah, you know, "We interrupt this broadcast for an 
important news bulletin." (hops, spreads arms, sings) Ta Daaaah! 
So, which camera do I stand in front of?

ED --   Look, fella, I don't know who you are but...

FRED -- FELLA? Is that any way to address the son of God?

ED --   How do I know that you are really the son of God? So 
far, all I know about you is that you broke your promise.

FRED -- Okay, you want proof? Go ahead and ask me how old I am.

ED --   Alright, how old are you?

FRED -- I'm older than the hills.

ED --   I'm not impressed.

FRED -- I'm telling you I am the one who created the world. 
Why, I knew the Mississippi River when it was just a creek. I 
knew the great Himalaya Mountains when they just foothills. 
Guess what Mediterranean pond turned out to be.

ED --   I'm still not impressed.

FRED -- I remember when the Red Sea was only pink. I remember 
when the Dead Sea was only sick.

ED --   Ho hum.

FRED -- Remember the great Sahara Forest?

ED --   The Sahara is a desert.

FRED -- Yeah, now!

ED --   Look, how do I know you're not just making up all these 

FRED -- Because I not only created the earth, I also created the 
universe. You know the milky way? 

ED --   You mean the milky way galaxy?

FRED -- Yeah, I remember when it was much thicker. I called it 
the Creamy Way.

ED --   That doesn't prove anythin...

FRED -- I tell you what. If you break into this TV show and 
announce my arrival and I'll spare you from the lake of fire.

ED --   I happen to know I'm not going to the lake of fire.

FRED -- Aw, come on! Here, let me prove beyond the shadow of a 
doubt who I am. Let me write on your wall with my finger, like I 
did for Joshua. (steps toward wall)

ED --   That was Daniel.

FRED -- Whatever. Just put me in front of a camera. It will only 
take a minute.

ED --   Look, the Bible warns us that as the end times approach, 
several people will claim to be the messiah. I think you're a 

FRED -- Alright! Now you've gone and made me mad. Just for that, 
when I take my flock home to heaven in the rapture, you get left 

ED --   Jesus said that I have eternal life if I believe in him, 
which I do. And he also promised that NOONE can snatch me out of 
his hand.

FRED -- He said that? I mean, I said that?

ED --   Yes.

FRED -- Alright, then, you get to come too, but you have to ride 
in coach.

ED --   The first shall be last and the last shall be first.

FRED -- Why do you keep quoting the Bible?

ED --   All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for 
teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.

FRED -- Is that another Bible verse?

ED --   You ought to know. You wrote it.

FRED -- Oh, yeah, I remember now. The reason I forgot is I wrote 
it when I was doing two things at once. That's when I was also 
flooding the earth, after Abraham built the ark.

ED --   That was Noah.

FRED -- Noah. I meant Noah.

ED --   Out. Out. (pushes Ed to exit)

FRED -- That was back when the Black Sea was light grey.

ED --   Out! (both exit)

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