BACK FALLACY 9'3m?f Perfect tolerance is a self-defeating fallacy (scene: one chair facing audience) BOSS -- (enters hurriedly wearing three-piece suit, shouts) Nilman! Nilman! (looks around, shouts into the air) Nilman, where are you? NILMAN -- (enters opposite hurriedly wearing lab coat, crosses) Sorry to keep you waiting, Boss. I know how busy you are. BOSS -- Don't patronize me, Nilman. NILMAN -- Sorry, Boss. BOSS -- I just received the final financial statements from accounting. Nilman, do you know how much of MY money YOU have spent on research? NILMAN -- How much? BOSS -- To date you have spent in excess of six million dollars on research. And what do you have to show for it?! NILMAN -- (pulls pen from pocket) Oh, ah, the new product is ready, Boss. BOSS -- A pen?! You spent six million dollars of my money and all you have to show for it is a pen?! NILMAN -- Oh, no, Boss! It looks like a pen. But it's a very sophisticated brain stimulator. BOSS -- Nilman, I didn't ask you to build me a brain stimulator! I asked you to come up with a solution for Christian intolerance! NILMAN -- (holds up pen admiringly) That's what this is, Boss. It produces perfect tolerance. BOSS -- Perfect tolerance? NILMAN -- Perfect tolerance. BOSS -- How does it work? NILMAN -- Well, I envision giving a free pen to every Christian in the country. Once it's activated anyone within six feet of it will achieve perfect tolerance. BOSS -- Perfect tolerance?! Within six feet, you say? NILMAN -- Perfect tolerance, guaranteed. Here, let me demonstrate. (shouts) Send in the research subject. SUBJECT -- (enters) They said you wanted to see me? NILMAN -- Yes. (points to chair) Sit down, please. SUBJECT -- (sits) NILMAN -- What religion are you? SUBJECT -- I'm a Christian. BOSS -- Nilman! NILMAN -- Yes, Boss? BOSS -- YOU hired a... a Christian?! NILMAN -- It was a necessary evil, Boss. We had to test the effectiveness of our new... (holds up pen, winks) our new pen. BOSS -- Very well. Proceed. NILMAN -- First, we'll determine the subject's level of intolerance. (to Subject) Okay, tell us, please, do you believe that some things are right and wrong regardless of the circumstances? SUBJECT -- Yes. Of course. BOSS -- Intolerant fool. NILMAN -- Boss, can you please try to withhold your comments until after the demonstration? We wouldn't want to influence the outcome... BOSS -- ...Yes, of course. Proceed, Nilman. NILMAN -- (to Subject) Do you believe that there is only one God and only one way to get to Heaven? SUBJECT -- Yes. Of course. BOSS -- (irritated) Can we just get on with the... the pen?! NILMAN -- Yes. First, we'll try the pen in mode one. BOSS -- Mode one? NILMAN -- Yes. (privately to Boss) Mode one blocks the brain's ability to make distinctions. BOSS -- Distinctions? NILMAN -- Yes. It's impossible for a person to be intolerant if he can't make distinctions. BOSS -- What kind of distinctions? NILMAN -- Between right and wrong. Between truth and fiction. Things like that. BOSS -- I see. Proceed. NILMAN -- (clicks pen top, hands it to Subject) Here, hold this pen for me, will you? SUBJECT -- (takes pen) Oh, sure. Say, nice pen! NILMAN -- You see, Boss, I wanted to create a device that would be attractive to Christians. Now, stand back out of range. (ushers Boss back two steps) NILMAN -- Alright. (to Subject) So, how do you feel about right and wrong now? SUBJECT -- Ah. Oh. Ah. Isn't that funny? I can't decide. NILMAN -- What did I tell you, Boss?! Perfect tolerance! BOSS -- Splendid! Ask another question. (points) NILMAN -- Is there only one God and only one way to get to Heaven? SUBJECT -- You know, I was sure about that just a moment ago. But now I'm not so sure. I really can't decide. BOSS -- Splendid! Splendid! That's just what we're looking for, Nilman! Perfect tolerance! I'll mass-produce these pens and put one into the hands of all the Christians in the country. Within a year intolerance will be as out-moded as high button shoes! NILMAN -- There's just one problem, Boss. BOSS -- Problem? What problem? NILMAN -- Listen. (to Subject) So, ah, what do you think about intolerance and intolerant people? SUBJECT -- I... I don't know. I can't decide. NILMAN -- What would you say to a Christian who spoke publicly about his deeply held beliefs? SUBJECT -- I... I don't know. I really can't decide. BOSS -- Nilman! That's not perfect tolerance if he won't speak out about intolerance from others. We must stamp out all intolerance wherever we see it! Your new product is defective! Nilman -- I thought so at first too, boss. That's why I designed the product with mode two. BOSS -- There's a second mode? NILMAN -- Yes. (takes pen from Subject) Mode two is almost the opposite of mode one. Instead of suppressing the ability to make distinctions, this mode actually increases one of the mind's capabilities. BOSS -- What capability is that? NILMAN -- The ability to doubt things. We call this mode skepticism. BOSS -- Skepticism. NILMAN -- Yes, in this mode, (clicks pen twice) we heighten the brain's skepticism. If we can get the Christians to doubt everything, they won't have any deeply held beliefs to be intolerant about. (hands pen to Subject, steps back) BOSS -- (steps toward Subject, examines Subject's face) I see. NILMAN -- (ushers Boss back) You need to step back out of range, Boss. BOSS -- (steps back) Oh. Yes, of course. Ask some questions. NILMAN -- Is there such a thing as right and wrong? SUBJECT -- I doubt it. Everybody's conceptions of right and wrong are different. NILMAN -- Is there just one God and only one way to Heaven? SUBJECT -- I seriously doubt it. I mean, everybody CLAIMS to have the true religion. But everybody can't be right. BOSS -- Splendid, Nilman, splendid! Ask about intolerance. NILMAN -- What would you do if you encountered someone who is intolerant? SUBJECT -- Actually, I doubt that I would do anything. BOSS -- What?! SUBJECT -- Well, if I said that intolerance is wrong, I'd be admitting that I have the one true answer. I'm too skeptical for that. I doubt very much that ANYTHING is right or wrong all the time, including intolerance. BOSS -- I'm telling you, Nilman, your product is defective! NILMAN -- Listen, Boss, I've done a lot of thinking about this... BOSS -- Obviously not enough! We must stamp out intolerance, Nilman. We can't tolerate ANY! NILMAN -- Listen, Boss, I really don't think the problem is with the new product. I think your concept might be flawed. BOSS -- You doubt my concept?! Nilman, do you like your job?! NILMAN -- Let's switch the product to mode three. BOSS -- There's a third mode? NILMAN -- Yes. Mode three stimulates the brain's center for timidity. BOSS -- Timidity. NILMAN -- Yes. With this mode activated the Christians will be inhibited from speaking out against anything opposing their views. (takes pen from Subject, clicks it three times, hands it back) With the product in "timid" mode, the stronger a Christian feels about a subject the less inclined he will be to speak out against it. BOSS -- This better be good, Nilman! NILMAN -- Just watch, Boss. (to Subject) How do you feel about (shouts) SIN!? SUBJECT -- (angry) I... I really shouldn't say anything about sin. BOSS -- Not bad, Nilman. NILMAN -- Everybody knows there's more than one God. SUBJECT -- (angry) I... I have nothing to say about that. NILMAN -- Any religion will get you to Heaven, if you really believe it with all your heart. SUBJECT -- (angry) No... No, I won't comment on that. BOSS -- Splendid! Now ask about intolerance, Nilman. NILMAN -- I'd rather not, Boss. BOSS -- Ask! NILMAN -- Okay, Boss. (to Subject) How do you feel about intolerance? SUBJECT -- I... I would just as soon not comment about intolerance. BOSS -- Nilman! What good is this thing if we can't get people to speak out against intolerance?! NILMAN -- Listen, Boss, it's not my fault! BOSS -- What do you mean it's not your fault?! You spent six million dollars of my money and you can't get your test subject to speak out against intolerance! NILMAN -- I'm telling you, Boss. It's not my fault. All three modes of the device produced PERFECT TOLERANCE. The problem is perfect tolerance always tolerates intolerance. BOSS -- Oh. I see. You mean, I spent six million dollars to discover that perfect tolerance isn't so perfect? NILMAN -- That's the way it looks, Boss. BOSS -- We've got to do something, Nilman! I can't just throw six million dollars down the drain! NILMAN -- I think I might have a solution for you, Boss. BOSS -- You do? NILMAN -- Yes, it's mode four. (points to pen) BOSS -- Mode four? NILMAN -- Our problem is that PERFECT tolerance goes one step too far. We need something to prevent tolerance from going as far as tolerating intolerance. BOSS -- And mode four prevents tolerance from going to far? NILMAN -- Yes. By putting in one single exception, perfect tolerance works perfectly. (takes pen, clicks) You can go. SUBJECT -- (exits) BOSS -- Wait a minute. Aren't you going to demonstrate mode four on the test subject? NILMAN -- Christians are poor test subjects for testing all aspects of mode four. BOSS -- I don't understand. NILMAN -- The limitation I chose to impose on tolerance in the fourth mode is TRUTH. BOSS -- Truth. That sounds reasonable. NILMAN -- Mode four stimulates the brain to tolerate only the truth. But Christians are poor test subjects because they usually tell the truth. BOSS -- The goody goodies! NILMAN -- Do you mind if we test mode four on you? (clicks pen four times, hands it to Boss, stands back) BOSS -- Alright, ask me a question. NILMAN -- Why did you spend six million dollars to eradicate Christian intolerance? BOSS -- Because I don't want anyone to remind me how sinful I am. Huh? Did I say that? NILMAN -- It's the fourth mode. It tolerates only the truth. So, tell me, why don't you want Christians to remind you how sinful you are? BOSS -- Because I don't want to take responsibility for my own actions. I thought that perfect tolerance would allow me to do anything I want without any consequences. Huh? Did I say that? NILMAN -- It's the fourth mode. It tolerates only the truth. So, how does it feel? BOSS -- Terrible! I feel just like a Christian. NILMAN -- (exiting) Now you see what it's like to tolerate only the truth. BOSS -- (follows holding pen at arm's length) Here, take this thing! I don't want it! ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |