BACK EXCUSES 5'?m2f Discipleship, ministry is not optional LIZ -- (enters wearing business clothes, crosses) AMY -- (enters opposite wearing white lab coat, stethoscope) Just the person I wanted to see. LIZ -- (stops) Excuse me? AMY -- Say aaah. (forces tongue depressor into Liz's mouth) LIZ -- Wha... AMY -- Say aaah. LIZ -- Aaah. AMY -- (removes depressor) No reddening of the throat, No enlargement of the tonsils or adenoids. LIZ -- What do you think you're.... AMY -- Open. (forces thermometer into Liz's mouth) LIZ -- ...doingggg... AMY -- (feels Liz's forehead) Any headaches? LIZ -- Uh uh. AMY -- (feels under Liz's jaw with fingertips) Any colds or flue? LIZ -- Uh uh. (pulls thermometer from mouth) Will you please tell me what's going on? AMY -- (forces thermometer back into Liz's mouth) That needs to stay in. (circles Liz, looking her up and down) Skin rashes? Psoriasis? LIZ -- Uh uh. AMY -- Athletes foot? Ring worm? LIZ -- Uh uh. AMY -- Are you eating regularly? (removes thermometer, reads) LIZ -- I don't remember authorizing a medical exam. And I certainly didn't authorize a medical exam in the parking lot of the church. AMY -- It's okay. There's no charge. Any weight loss or gain recently? LIZ -- No. Why am I answering these questions?! AMY -- (lifts Liz's hands, examines both sides) It's just part of the exam. Finger nails are healthy. LIZ -- (pulls hands away) I'm not answering anymore questions until you tell me what on earth is going on! AMY -- (picks up Liz's wrist, looks at own watch) Okay, have it your way. LIZ -- Are you going to answer my questions? AMY -- Just... a... few... seconds... more.... You're heart rate is 68. You're in pretty good shape! (pokes ophthalmoscope into Liz's ear) LIZ -- I exercise regularly. AMY -- Any hearing problems? LIZ -- No... AMY -- Blurred vision? LIZ -- No... AMY -- (changes ears) Any floaters? LIZ -- N.... Excuse me? AMY -- Floaters. Little specks in your vision that drift. LIZ -- Oh. No. You still haven't told me what's going on here. AMY -- (points ophthalmoscope into Liz's eyes, quickly) Do you need glasses to read? Or when you drive? LIZ -- No. (steps back) Alright. That's it. You're going to tell me what's going on here! AMY -- Have you had any deaths in the family or a divorce? LIZ -- Divorce?! What does a divorce have to do with my health?! AMY -- You ever been married? LIZ -- No. AMY -- No divorce then. LIZ -- Why is it that I answer all your questions but you don't answer any of mine?! AMY -- Okay, I'll answer your question. I think it's the lab coat. People feel more comfortable answering questions when you wear a lab coat. Okay, I answered a question for you, now answer a question for me. Do you have any relationship problems? LIZ -- Your really getting personal. You going to ask me what size underwear.... AMY -- ...Relationship problems? LIZ -- No. AMY -- Well, then, I'd say you're in good health physically and mentally. LIZ -- On the contrary, I'm about to lose my mind! What's this all about?! AMY -- You ARE a Christian, aren't you? LIZ -- You're doing it again. AMY -- Well? LIZ -- YES! I'm a Christian! Now answer my question. AMY -- Alright, I'll tell you. The Boss wanted to know why you don't have a ministry. LIZ -- A ministry. AMY -- The Lord's work on earth is done almost exclusively through his people. And since YOU are not doing the work the Lord gifted YOU for, I assumed that you were probably sick. But you're obviously not sick. So, I assumed that you're probably suffering from an emotional trauma, like.... LIZ -- Like divorce. AMY -- You catch on fast. LIZ -- So, all this fuss is because I'm not doing a ministry at my church? AMY -- Bingo. LIZ -- Why don't you and your.... Boss, whoever he is, find someone else to do your ministry? AMY -- You're kidding, right? LIZ -- Why would I kid you about something like that? AMY -- Before the universe was created, the Lord designed you with specific gifts and talents to do a specific ministry at a specific time in history. If you don't do the ministry, there's noone else with your specific gifts and talents to do the work. The work won't get done. LIZ -- God doesn't need me to do his work! He could just wave his hand and the work would get done. Like that. (whisks hand) AMY -- He could. But he doesn't because He's a trinity. LIZ -- A trinity. AMY -- Yes. One God, three persons. LIZ -- I know what the trinity is! What does that have to do with how God gets things done? AMY -- God is all about relationships. And there's no better way for you to develop nurturing relationships than serving other people in ministry. LIZ -- Oh. AMY -- And since we now know that you are without excuse.... LIZ -- You talk as if Christian ministry is not optional. AMY -- The Boss says it's not. LIZ -- The Boss. AMY -- The Boss. (points up) LIZ -- Wait a minute. If (points up) He's your Boss, does that mean you're an.... AMY -- (exiting, sings) Gotta fly. LIZ -- ...ANGEL. (exiting quickly) Wait til I tell them that I just had a medical exam by an angel. (stops, pauses, exits) On second thought, who would believe me? ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |