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EVANGEL  8'1m3f Witnessing, evangelism: Living in the past

(girls enter from all exits, converge on stage)

ASH -- What's going on? Why are we having a meeting?

MEL -- I'm not sure, but I think Fred invited us because we 
are good with computers

LIZ -- You think so? I thought it had something to do with 
evangelism week.

ASH -- Well, we'll find out soon. Here comes Fred.

FRED -- (enters carrying flipchart and easel, group splits up 
evenly on either side of easel) Okay, I suppose you're all 
wondering why I called this meeting.

ALL -- (nod) Yeah. Uh huh.

LIZ -- Does it have something to do with evangelism week?

FRED -- Why, yes, as a matter of fact it does. I'm told that 
during evangelism week in years past the youth group has reached 
out to our community to tell them about the Lord. This year, 
under my direction, we will launch a project with a broader 
scope. Here's my plan.

(flips to chart showing a map)

This is a map of our area, subdivided into four demographic zones.

MEL -- Demographic zones?

FRED -- Yes, it's simple, really. I did a demographic analysis 
of the people in our area, evaluating people by income, by the 
number of children per family, by reading and TV viewing habits, 
and a few other intangible variables. Then I divided the area 
into four demographic zones. Each zone will have a media blitz 
specifically designed for maximum penetration for their media 
habits.

ASH -- So, why do you need us?

FRED -- Well, I was hoping I could draw on your computer skills 
to design and write the ads for the media blitz.

ALL -- (nod to each other) Uh huh.

FRED -- Okay, specifically, I'd like Ashley will reach the 
(points) people in the yellow zone with a thirty-second 
commercial on local cable TV.

ASH -- Cable TV.

FRED -- Yes, you have one of those graphics presentation 
programs, don't you?

ASH -- Well, sure, but....

FRED -- Then you know the kind of thing I'm talking about. One 
of those multimedia color splashes with big music, with the 
letters of the alphabet flying in from outer space and spelling 
the name of Jesus. 

ASH -- That's evangelism?

FRED -- Sure. I'll let you work out the details. I got a great 
buy on cable TV distribution localized to the yellow zone.

ASH -- Yes, but...

FRED -- And Melissa, you're assigned to do a half-page black and 
white print-ad for the neighborhood newspaper. The ad will only 
run in the green zone. (points) We need something with a lot of 
pictures. The green zone people don't read much as a rule. But 
the ad will be on the page opposite the supermarket coupons.

MEL -- A newspaper ad.

FRED -- You can handle that, can't you?

MEL -- Well, sure, but,...

FRED -- Now, that just leaves the blue zone. Elizabeth, you need 
to come up with a brightly colored brochure to go into one of 
those door-knob hangers that will be delivered door-to-door. Can 
you do that?

LIZ -- Well, sure, but....

FRED -- It has to be high quality. The blue zone people have 
discriminating taste. Well, that's it, then. We are now 
officially on our way to a media blitz.

LIZ -- Question?

FRED -- Yes, Elizabeth?

LIZ -- All this advertising is going to be pretty expensive, 
isn't it?

FRED -- Oh, no. I got great media buys for all three zones. 
Besides it won't cost the church a cent. I'm paying for the 
media blitz out of my own pocket.

MEL -- Just how much is this MEDIA BLITZ going to cost you?

FRED -- $2400 give or take.

MEL -- $2400! Where are you going to get that kind of money?

FRED -- Actually, I have to cash in a CD and close out my 
savings account.

MEL -- Is it just me, or this a little much?

ASH -- Yeah, Fred, wouldn't it be cheaper and more effective if 
we all just talk about Jesus to our friends and neighbors? After 
all, I thought that's what evangelism...

FRED -- (quickly) Oh, don't do that! You'll ruin everything! 

ASH -- Well, at least we could invite people to church.

FRED -- No. You just stick to your assignments and we'll have a 
really good showing for evangelism week.

ASH -- What do you consider a good showing?

FRED -- Three per cent is an considered excellent return on mass 
media.

ASH -- Well, about 50% of the people I invite to church....

FRED -- ...Please, just write the ads for your media zones and 
we'll do just fine.

MEL -- You didn't assign anyone to write an ad for the red zone.
(points)

LIZ -- Yes, what kind of media are you going to do there?

FRED -- Don't worry about the red zone. You all have plenty to 
do.

ASH -- You don't know the first thing about computers, Fred. So, 
if they need an ad for the red zone, one of us should write it. 

LIZ -- What kind of an ad were you planning for them?

FRED -- (hand to mouth) Nothing. (points to exit) So, let's get 
going, shall we?

ASH -- Did you say NOTHING?

FRED -- Well, yes.

LIZ -- Why would you leave them out, Fred? Everybody needs the 
Lord.

MEL -- Yeah, what's the story with the red zone?

FRED -- It's nothing. I just chose to leave them out of the 
media blitz. That's all.

ASH -- But why? I live in the red zone. And why don't you want 
us to tell our neighbors about the Lord?

FRED -- Because... because... because that's where Billy Peldo 
lives.

LIZ -- Who's Billy Peldo?

FRED -- He is definitely NOT someone you want to come to your 
church. Believe me.

ASH -- So, you're going to all this trouble and expense just to 
avoid having one guy show up at church?

FRED -- (voice becomes child-like) You don't know Billy Peldo. 
When I told Billy Peldo about the Lord, he laughed in my face. 
Then, when I wasn't looking he stole my books and threw them 
into the trash can. He wrote a bad word on my brand new first 
baseman's mit. He ate my lunch. It was my favorite too. Peanut 
butter and jelly....

LIZ -- ....Wait a minute. How long ago was this?

FRED -- I was eight. Why?

ALL -- Oh, brother!

FRED -- What.

MEL -- You would deprive a whole neighborhood of hearing about 
the Lord, because you had one bad experience years ago?

FRED -- Oh, sure, try to minimize it! When was the last time 
somebody gave YOU a NOOGY?! (rubs own knuckles against the top 
of his own head) 

MEL -- (suppressing a smile) A NOOGY.

FRED -- Yeah, he kept it up until I got tears in my eyes. Then 
he told everybody in the whole class that I cried. I tried to 
tell them I had something in my eye, but...

ALL -- (suppressing a smile) A noogy.

FRED -- That's not as bad as a SNUGGY. I bet you never had a 
snuggy, (reaches behind self, pulls up on back of pants, stands 
on tip-toes) and ruined a perfectly good pair of....

ALL -- (giggle) A snuggy.

FRED -- What's so funny? I don't think is so funny when a person 
gives you a (reaches behind self, pulls up on back of pants, 
stands on tip-toes) snuggy and ruins a perfectly good pair 
of....

ASH -- Say, I think I know this Peldo guy.

FRED -- (hides behind easel) He's not here, is he?

ASH -- (ignoring Fred's reaction) But his name isn't Billy, it's 
Bill. Bill Peldo. He works for my Dad. He's married and has a 
baby. I think he's a Christian.

FRED -- Don't you believe it! Anyone who would give you a snuggy 
is capable of any deception.

ASH -- So, you let one bad experience with evangelism ruin your 
whole life?

FRED -- You don't understand, I....

MEL -- And I thought this was an important project. (exits)

LIZ -- It's a good thing we didn't waste any time or effort on 
this project. (exits)

ASH -- Wait till I tell everybody in youth group about Fred's 
snuggy. (exits)

FRED -- (follows) Oh, you wouldn't! Would you? Oh, this is 
really embarrassing. Listen, girls, let's talk this over.


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