DOWSING  5'?m2f Decision making, movements of the spirit

LIZ -- (enters carrying Bible, crosses to C, closes eyes, holds
Bible at arm's length, fans pages, slaps random page, places
Bible carefully on floor, spins Bible, exits)

AMY -- (enters) Good morning.

LIZ -- (reenters holding forked tree branch with knuckles facing

AMY -- I said good morning.

LIZ -- (crossing slowly toward Bible) Sorry, I'm a little too
busy right now for pleasantries.

AMY -- (follows) What are you doing?

LIZ -- I'm about to make an important decision. And I want to do
it Biblically.

AMY -- I see. Actually, I don't see. (tilts head, looks at Liz's

LIZ -- I'm looking for help with my decision. (when end of stick
is over Bible, closes eyes, end of stick drops, touches Bible)
With this dowsing rod, the Bible will tell me what to do next.
There. What's it say?

AMY -- What does what say?

LIZ -- Where I pointed. What does the Bible say?

AMY -- You've got to be kidding.

LIZ -- No, I'm not kidding. What does it say there?

AMY -- (bends, moves stick) "Judas went and hanged himself."

LIZ -- (backs away) Obviously, I need a little practice. Let me
try it again. Choose another page at random and spin the Bible

AMY -- This is a joke, right?

LIZ -- Do I look like I'm joking?! Flip the pages and spin the

AMY -- Well, alright but... (flips a few pages, turns Bible 180

LIZ -- This is a work of the spirit. This really works.
(approaches holding stick carefully)

AMY -- You know, I really doubt that it's a work of the spirit
if the answer to your question is "Judas went and hanged

LIZ -- Out of the way. (when end of stick is over Bible, closes
eyes, end of stick drops, touches Bible) There. What did the
Bible tell me to do?

AMY -- (bends, moves, stick) "Go thou and do likewise."

LIZ -- It can't be! I must be holding the stick wrong. (backs
away, adjusts grip on stick) Flip the pages and spin the Bible

AMY -- This is really a waste of time.

LIZ -- Movements of the spirit are NOT a waste of time!
(approaches) Back away.

AMY -- The stick just told you that Judas hanged himself and
then it told you to go and do likewise. Doesn't that sound like
a waste of time to you?!

LIZ -- Hush. I'm concentrating. (when end of stick is over
Bible, closes eyes, end of stick drops, touches Bible) There.
I'll bet this is my answer! What does the Spirit tell me to do?

AMY -- (bends, moves, stick) "What thou doest, do quickly!"
(picks up Bible)

LIZ -- I can't believe the Holy Spirit just told me to go kill

AMY -- That's the smartest thing you've said all day.

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- I mean, you need to use a little common sense.

LIZ -- Well, this made sense to me. I mean, it's from the Holy

AMY -- That's debatable.

LIZ -- How could it NOT be from the Holy Spirit if it's from the

AMY -- Maybe you should throw darts at the Bible.

LIZ -- Say, that could work!

AMY -- I was kidding.

LIZ -- Oh.

AMY -- Beside putting holes in your Bible, the answers you would
get would be as random as from your dowsing rod there.

LIZ -- But this dowsing rod has the power of the Holy Spirit!

AMY -- (offers Bible) Show me where it says in the Bible that
you should use a dowsing rod to choose your Bible verse.

LIZ -- (takes Bible, pages, sheepishly) I can't.

AMY -- Why not? If it's from the Holy Spirit it must be in the
Bible. Is it in the Bible or isn't it?

LIZ -- I don't know.

AMY -- Why not?

LIZ -- I don't know the Bible all that well. That's why I was
using the dowsing rod, because I didn't know the Bible well
enough to know where to look for my advice.

AMY -- What made you think the dowsing rod's guidance is from
the Holy Spirit?

LIZ -- They said it was.

AMY -- They?

LIZ -- The people I met at the flea market, the ones who sold me
the dowsing rod.

AMY -- And you believed them.

LIZ -- They said it works. They said it was guided by the Holy

AMY -- And you believed them.

LIZ -- To the tune of twenty bucks.

AMY -- (smiles, turns away)

LIZ -- What's the matter?

AMY -- (turns) You need to start reading your Bible regularly,
so that when someone makes a claim about the Holy Spirit, you
will have enough knowledge about the Bible that you can refute

LIZ -- Oh, I suppose YOU know better.

AMY -- I know enough to question every claim about the Holy
Spirit and to ask for a Bible verse to support the claim.

LIZ -- So, I suppose there is no Bible verse about the Holy
Spirit guiding dowsing rods?

AMY -- As a matter of fact, the Bible warns AGAINST divinations
like dowsing rods.

LIZ -- But I paid twenty bucks for this thing! What am I going
to do with it?!

AMY -- (exiting) It would make a good door stop.

LIZ -- (follows) Very funny.

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