BACK AWAY 4'?m6f Secular going-away party (editors enter one or two at a time, sit at conference table) CHIEF -- (enters with armful of file folders, pen, stands at head of table) Alright, people, this newspaper goes to press in less than two hours and we still don't have a headline for the front page. City Desk, what do you have that will sell newspapers? CITY EDITOR - Well, chief, as you know, mayor _________ (local mayor) was accused of embezzling two million dollars from the city treasury and the city is on the brink of insolvency. CHIEF - Well, that looks like a promising lead story. CITY EDITOR - Actually, Chief, I'd rather see (honored guest) ________________________ in the headlines. CHIEF - ______________________? What about ___________________? CITY EDITOR - Haven't you heard? ____________________ is leaving, going away. CHIEF - No, I didn't know. That changes everything. (pause) Where was I? Oh. Sports desk, I suppose you want to go with the big story about the ______________________. (local sports team) SPORTS EDITOR - Well, yes, the ____________________ are moving to Havana, Cuba. CHIEF -- That's terrible! SPORTS EDITOR - Yes, but if I were you, Chief, I'd go with the story about _________________________'s leaving. That's far worse. CHIEF - Business Desk, terrible news from Wall Street, huh? BUSINESS EDITOR - Yes, it looks like all the economists are predicting a big, big recession this year. But, I think the big story is _________________________. Nobody will ever be able to replace him. CHIEF - National Desk, is it true what they say about the scandal in the White House? NATIONAL EDITOR - Yes, Chief, it looks like the President himself and six of his top aides are going to be indicted. But I think the voters would rather hear about ___________________. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe HE could run for president! CHIEF - I don't know. International desk, what do you hear about the Russians? INTERNATIONAL EDITOR - Well, the CIA has confirmed it. The Russians have definitely reaimed their nukes at the United States. World War Three is imminent. But I recommend we go with the __________________________ story for the front page. No way we'll EVER recover from that. CHIEF - Well, I guess that make it unanimous. The headline will read "____________________________ leaves, nation is stunned." I want a sidebar about the impact on the sports world, the business world, and from the White House. Got it? ALL -- Yes, sir. NATIONAL EDITOR - Oh, Chief, the telegrams and letters have already come pouring in from around the country. CHIEF - They have? NATIONAL EDITOR - (hands telegrams and letters to Chief) Yes, here. CHIEF - (reads telegrams and letters from dignitaries) CHIEF - City Desk, you have a half hour to dig up some man-on-the-street comments about ________________________'s leaving. CITY EDITOR - Way ahead of you, Chief. Here are some telegrams and letters from some of the locals who won't be able to attend the going away party. CHIEF - (reads telegrams and letters from well-wishers) CHIEF - International desk, I want you to contact the United Nations Secretary General to see if ________________________'s leaving will impact the Russian nuclear threat. INTERNATIONAL EDITOR - Already did that, Chief. The Russian president was so grief-stricken over ________________________'s leaving that he's called for disarmament. CHIEF - I thought so. (claps hands) Alright, everybody, let's get started. We have a deadline to meet. Let's get busy! (optional ending) NATIONAL EDITOR -- Oh, chief, would you mind if we paused for a moment to sing.... (all rise) CHIEF -- Oh, sure. (leads singing) For he's a jolly good fellow... (all exit) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |