BACK METHUSIL 3'1m1f An interview with the world's oldest man EVE -- (enters, talks to audience as she works her way to DC) This is your roving reporter, Eve Dropper, reporting live via our exclusive time-travel minicam from the middle east. I am about to interview the oldest man in the Bible, Methuselah. OLD -- (enters, wobbly, with cane, grey hair, old sweater and granny glasses) EXE -- Good evening, Mr Methuselah. OLD -- What's so good about it?! EVE -- Mr Methuselah, we understand that you are 969 years old. OLD -- Yeah, so what?! EVE -- Well, that makes you the oldest man in the Bible. OLD -- Big deal! EVE -- Mr Methuselah, are you upset about something? OLD -- Oh, brilliant. What gave you the first clue? EVE -- Have you suffered a loss? OLD -- My wife. EVE -- Oh, I'm sorry, they didn't tell me. When did she die? OLD -- 314 years ago. EVE -- Your wife died 314 years ago and you're still upset about it? OLD -- Alright, Miss Congeniality, how congenial do you think you'd be after going without sex for 314 years. EVE -- I see your point. Have you thought about getting remarried? OLD -- You make it sound so easy. But it doesn't work that way. EVE -- What do you mean? OLD -- Well, you find in a good woman and wham, 125 years later she drops over dead and you have to start over. EVE -- You've outlived all your wives? OLD -- Nothing slips by you, does it? EVE -- Have you tried younger women? OLD -- My dad married a younger woman and it cost him his life! EVE -- He died early? OLD -- Prime of his life. EVE -- How old was he? OLD -- Just 365 years olds. EVE -- Yes, well, Mr Methuselah, summing things up, tell our audience: to what do you attribute your own longevity. OLD -- You married? EVE -- Excuse me? OLD -- I asked if you're married, sweet thing. EVE -- As a matter of fact, no, I'm not married. But we were talking about you and your longevity. OLD -- Wanna go over to Omar's Deli with be for a little Felafel and chicory, baby cakes? EVE -- Mr Methuselah, can we get back the the discussion at hand... OLD -- You're definitely my kind of woman, love muffin. EVE -- Ah, umm. Mr Methuselah, to what do you attribute your long life? OLD -- With them hips you could maybe bear me 15 or 20 children before I croak, honey lips. EVE -- Yes, well, about your long life. What's your secret? OLD -- Optimism. EVE -- Excuse me? Did you say Optimism? OLD -- I look forward to things of the future, like you, sweet cheeks. (slides hand around her waist) EVE -- (peels his hand off her, puts microphone into his hand) Tells us all about the future Mr Methuselah. (exits quietly) OLD -- I was thinking of a small wedding. Just five or six hundred close friends. Hey, where did she go? (exiting) Sweet cheeks, where are you? ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |