BACK JONAH3 8'?m2f Jonah, backsliding, prophecy, salvation LIZ -- (enters hurriedly carrying suitcase, sees Amy, covers face) Oh oh. (turns, walks casually back toward exit) AMY -- (enters opposite carrying suitcase, shouts, runs) Miss Jonah. Miss Jonah. Elizabeth Jonah. (steps into Liz's path) You're just the person I came to see. LIZ -- (steps by) I'm sorry, I have to catch a plane. AMY -- (walks along side) But I flew all this way just to see you. LIZ -- I'm sorry, I don't have time. AMY -- Maybe I can ride with you. Let me stop by the ticket counter and buy a ticket on your flight. LIZ -- I'm sure my flight is full. Excuse me. AMY -- (Steps into Liz's path) Please, if you could answer just one question. LIZ -- (pauses) No. (steps by Amy) AMY -- (runs ahead, turns, stops Liz) Why won't you at least answer my question? There can't be any harm in that. LIZ -- Yes, there can. (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops Liz) What harm can there be in merely answering one simple question? LIZ -- Because it's never just one question. As soon as I answer your question, you'll ask me another, then another, then another and before you know it, I'll miss my plane. (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops Liz) Please. LIZ -- One question. AMY -- Okay. One question. You ARE a prophet, aren't you? LIZ -- (pauses) No. (tries to get by) AMY -- But you ARE Elizabeth Jonah, aren't you? LIZ -- See? What did I tell you. I answered your question and then you promptly asked me another. (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops Liz) Please, are you Elizabeth Jonah or aren't you? LIZ -- Yes, I am. (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops Liz) But they said you were a prophet. Are you sure you're not a prophet? LIZ -- That's your third question. I have a plane to catch. (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops Liz) Please, I have to know. Do you know who I am? LIZ -- That's your fourth question. See what happens? It starts with a trickle and ends in a flood. AMY -- Please. LIZ -- Yes, I know who you are. But you don't have to be a prophet to know who YOU are. You're that famous Christian Lawyer who advertises on TV. "Amy Nineveh the Christian's Legal Eagle." I even know your telephone number 1-800-GOTCHA. You don't have to be a prophet to watch TV. AMY -- Why are you doing this? LIZ -- That's your fifth question. I never even got this many questions when I was prophesying. (gets by Liz) AMY -- (turns) So, you ARE a prophet! LIZ -- (stops, doesn't turn) How many times are you going to ask me that? AMY -- Until you tell the truth. LIZ -- Alright, here's the truth. A prophet is a person who prophesies. I no longer prophesy. Ergo, I am no longer a prophet. (steps toward exit) Good bye. AMY -- (steps into Liz's path) Why did you stop prophesying? LIZ -- Six. AMY -- Excuse me? LIZ -- Six questions you've asked since you said you'd ask me one question. AMY -- Please. Why won't you prophesy for me? LIZ -- Because you're Amy Nineveh, legal eagle. If you don't like what I prophesy, you will sue me blind. AMY -- What if I promise NOT to sue you? LIZ -- Well, that just leaves the harassing phone calls and death threats. No thank you, I prefer to sleep at night. AMY -- Please. I promise there will be no retribution. LIZ -- You don't need a prophet anyway. The answers to all your questions are in the Bible. AMY -- Listen, I think I heard the voice of God. All I need from you is to confirm that it was really God speaking to me. LIZ -- Did you get a vision with the voice? AMY -- No. LIZ -- Then the voice you heard was probably not from God. (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops Liz) But you haven't prophesied yet. How do you know that it's not God's voice? LIZ -- Seven. AMY -- Please. LIZ -- You don't have to be a prophet to know that hardly anybody in the Bible hears the voice of the Lord without seeing a vision to go with it. AMY -- I didn't know that! LIZ -- Read your Bible! AMY -- I read my Bible... sometimes. But I've never noticed that before. Well, maybe, just to be sure, you could summon a vision from the Lord for me. LIZ -- Actually, that's precisely what I was trying to avoid. Now, if you'll excuse me... (tries to get by) AMY -- (stops liz) Wait a minute. Are you saying that the Lord told you to prophesy for me? LIZ -- Eight. That's way too many questions. Will you please let me get by. AMY -- No. I need to know what the Lord told you to tell me. LIZ -- He didn't say. He just told me to go and see you and that he would have a vision for me when I see you. And if I don't get on that airplane right away, the Lord will send me another vision and I'll be right back in the prophecy business. So, please, let me go! AMY -- No. I want you to tell me what I'm supposed to do about my husband. LIZ -- What about your husband? AMY -- I heard what I think was the voice of God telling me to divorce my husband and marry my law partner. LIZ -- Oh, that's easy. The answer is no. AMY -- So you did get a vision! LIZ -- No. I don't need a vision. AMY -- What do you mean? LIZ -- I mean, the Lord would never tell you in a voice or a vision to do something that he expressly forbids in the Bible. AMY -- Oh. LIZ -- You DO read your Bible enough to know what the Bible says about divorce, don't you? AMY -- (sigh) Yes. "What the Lord has joined together, let no man separate." LIZ -- Well, that's it then. I'll be on my way. AMY -- But the Lord promised you a vision. LIZ -- Yes, that's why I'm in kind of a hurry to leave. If I hang around you much longer, I'll... (stiffens, flutters eyes, shudders, throws head back) AMY -- What's the matter? LIZ -- Nothing. I'm fine. AMY -- That was it! You just had a vision from the Lord, didn't you?! LIZ -- Nonsense! The Lord only gives visions to prophets. And since I am no longer a prophet... (stiffens, flutters eyes, shudders, throws head back) Alright! Alright! I'll tell her! I'll tell her! AMY -- It was a vision, wasn't it? LIZ -- Yes. AMY -- Did your vision have a law partner in it? LIZ -- No. AMY -- Bummer. What was it all about? LIZ -- You have to promise me: no law suits, no harassing phone calls. AMY -- No law suits, no harassing phone calls. Just tell me, who am I supposed to marry? LIZ -- The vision was not about your marriage. It was about your future. Your eternal future. AMY -- What about my eternal future? LIZ -- I saw fire. AMY -- That's impossible. Fire means judgement. I won't be going through judgement. I'm a Christian. LIZ -- See what I mean? A prophet never receives any gratitude. That's why I stopped prophesying. AMY -- But that can't be right. I'm on television. I've got thousands of clients. I do a lot of good in the name of the Lord. Okay, so I mess around a little on the side and I play a little fast and loose with the truth now and again. But I just know I'm a Christian. I said the magic prayer. If you say the magic prayer, you're a Christian. This is not right. You have to look at that vision again. LIZ -- My vision was very clear. If you don't make Jesus the Lord of YOUR life, you've got fire in your future. AMY -- (paces) This is really embarrassing. All these years I've been boasting about being a Christian attorney without really submitting to his authority. What am I going to tell them? (stops) Okay, I'll do it. I'll submit myself to the authority of Jesus. LIZ -- You can't do that. AMY -- Why not? LIZ -- You're supposed to be ruthless. If you repent you'll ruin everything. AMY -- How will I ruin everything merely by repenting? LIZ -- You were my excuse for getting out of the prophecy business. If you repent, I'll have to repent too. AMY -- I'm sorry to disappoint you. LIZ -- (turns exits) I should know better than to trust a lawyer. AMY -- (follows) Hey, I have one more question. LIZ -- That's nine. ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. 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