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JOB2     5'1m1f RT: Job's love letters to his wife

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal.)

(Job and Wife, dressed in tunics, headdresses and sandals, are
seated at opposite ends of the stage, writing as they read their
letters)

JOB -- My dearest Sylvia, it pains me to be away from you, my
darling. The one drawback to being as wealthy as I am is that my
vast holdings are now so spread out that I must make these
periodic business trips. I long to be with you and the children.
See you soon, your loving husband, Job.

WIFE -- My dearest Job, your pain of being separated from me
equal my own. But I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. While
you were gone, those pesky Sabeans road into town and stole all
of your mules and oxen. Worse than that they killed all your
farm hands when they tried to resist. Please come home as
quickly as you can. Your loving wife, Sylvia.

JOB -- My dearest Sylvia, it appears that the Lord our God has
removed his protective hand from me. Immediately after I
received your last letter, a message arrived from the mountain
meadows, saying that my entire heard of sheep were wiped out by
a ball of fire from outer space. I regret that I will have to
delay my return home in order to do damage control in my fields
and in the mountain meadows. But I should return home in time
for Job Junior's birthday party. Miss you so much! Love, Job.

WIFE -- Dear Job, I almost decided not to write you. But I fear
I must. Yesterday, those pesky Caldeans swarmed down from the
hills and stole your entire herd of camels. It appears that you
were right about the Lord our God removing his protective hand
from you. I can't help thinking that it might be because you've
been sinful. Have you been up to no good since you've been gone?
You have a lot of explaining to do! Signed Sylvia.

JOB -- Sylvia darling, please don't be angry with me. I assure
you that I've done nothing wrong. I'm finishing up my business
here and I will arrive home in plenty of time for Job Junior's
birthday. I'll explain things then. Please keep the home fires
burning. Signed, Your faithful husband, Job.

WIFE -- Job, you miserable jerk! Don't bother to return home for
Job Junior's birthday. Job Junior is dead. All their kids and
their wives and families are dead! Their house collapsed in a
wind storm and crushed them all to death. What sin have you
committed to cause us such pain? What are you keeping from me?
Is it another woman? Are you worshipping other Gods?

JOB -- Sylvia, darling. Please don't blame me. I have searched
my soul and found no fault of mine. There is no other woman.
There is no other God. I am loyal to both you and our God. I
remain, your faithful servant, Job.

WIFE -- Job, you chump! How can you remain faithful to a God who
would allow these terrible things to happen to you? You have
lost everything: your sheep and goats, your cattle and oxen,
your camels and horses, your servants, your farmhands and your
children. We're as poor as peasants! Why don't you just curse
God and die?!

JOB -- Sylvia darling, please don't be bitter. All those earthly
possessions and relationships were all gifts from God. And God
has no obligation to protect me from losing them. I'm sure all
these losses are just temporary. But even if they're not, I will
continue to praise God for his goodness and justice. I look
forward to coming home and seeing you soon. Your loving husband,
Job.

WIFE -- Job, you silly, sentimental slob. You can't come home,
because there is no home. The bank just foreclosed on your land.
As if we haven't had enough misfortune, we're now homeless. The
only thing I have to thank God for is that there is nothing else
that could happen to us. Signed Sylvia.

JOB -- My dearest Sylvia, just when you think nothing else could
go wrong, something else does go wrong. I now have an infectious
skin disease, so I will not be returning home until I am no
longer contagious. But I thank God that I'm still alive. Your
faithful husband, Job.

WIFE -- Curse God and die, you chump!

JOB -- My dearest Sylvia, as you know, I have remained faithful
to the Lord during this long period of disaster and sickness.
I'm happy to report that my loyalty was not in vain. My skin
disease has healed and my vast holdings, my livestock and my
lands have all been restored to me. In fact, I am richer than I
was before disaster struck. It turns out that God was merely
using me to show the devil that some men do not base their
loyalties on what God can give them. I will return home tomorrow
with a caravan of Gold and diamonds. Are you still angry with
God?

WIFE -- (approaches Job, they exit together) Angry? Me? (puff) I
knew all along this was just temporary! There was never a doubt
in my mind. (snickers to audience, exits)

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