DEBORAH  5'1m1f Prophetess Deborah pushes Barak into battle

BARAK ---- (wimpy, enters, wringing hands, paces floor)

DEBORAH -- (enters, cheery) Lightning! You're just the man I
want to see.

BARAK ---- My name is Barak. You just call me Lightning to make
fun of me.

DEBORAH -- No, Barak, I call you Lightning because that's what
your name means in Hebrew.

BARAK ---- Oh, yes, well, how may I serve you, Deborah?

DEBORAH -- The Lord wants you to conquer the Canaanites.

BARAK ---- (chokes, coughs) Excuse me. I thought you said the
Lord wants me to conquer the Canaanites.

DEBORAH -- I did.

BARAK ---- (tries to escape) Oh, dear.

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning, where
do you think you're going?

BARAK ---- I'm going to find someone else to lead your army.
(tries to escape)

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning, you
don't seem to understand. You are the one God chose to conquer
the Canaanites.

BARAK ---- Are you talking about the same Canaanites that I'm
talking about?

DEBORAH -- Yes, of course.

BARAK ---- Did you realize that the Canaanite army has nine
hundred iron chariots?

DEBORAH -- Well, everyone knows that.

BARAK ---- Did you know that Canaanite commander Sisera is
the shrewdest and most ruthless military strategist in the

DEBORAH -- Yes. Everyone has heard of Sisera.

BARAK ---- And you want me to conquer him?

DEBORAH -- Not me. The Lord.

BARAK ---- This isn't happening. This is all just a bad dream.
(tries to escape) I'm going to go wake up now.

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning, you're
not dreaming. The Lord, says that you will conquer the

BARAK ---- Uh huh.

DEBORAH -- Lightning, would I lie to you?

BARAK ---- Well, no.

DEBORAH -- How do you know I'd wouldn't lie to you?

BARAK ---- You're a prophet of God. You always tell the truth.

DEBORAH -- So, if I tell you that you can't lose if you attack
Sisera, do you believe it?

BARAK ---- I guess so.

DEBORAH -- So, get going. (points)

BARAK ---- But you didn't say it yet.

DEBORAH -- Say what?

BARAK ---- That I can't lose.

DEBORAH -- Alright, here it is. You can't lose.

BARAK ---- Oh, yes, I can. (tries to escape) Sisera has 900
iron chariots.

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning!

BARAK ---- Please don't make me go.

DEBORAH -- What do you want from me? I just gave you assurances
from the Lord that you can't lose. What more do you want?

BARAK ---- I want you to go with me.

DEBORAH -- Lightning! If I go with you the victory will not
belong to you. The Lord wants you to have the victory.

BARAK ---- (falls to knees, begs) Please? Don't make me go
alone! Please?

DEBORAH -- Barak.

BARAK ---- Please!

DEBORAH -- Alright, I'll go with you. But because you're such a
wimp, the Lord will hand over Sisera himself to a woman instead
of to you. (points to exit, crosses)

BARAK ---- (grabs her arm, exits with her) Anything you say.
Just don't leave me.

(they turn around, reenter immediately, they cross to DC)

DEBORAH -- Well, here we are.

BARAK ---- The battle is over already?

DEBORAH -- You don't get it, do you? When the Lord says it, it's
as good as done.

BARAK ---- (looks at audience) Ooooo. Look at all those dead
bodies. (holds stomach, tries to escape) I think I'm going to be

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, turns him around) You can't be sick

BARAK ---- Why not?

DEBORAH -- Because Sisera has not been handed over to us yet.

BARAK ---- Sisera is here?! (hides behind Deborah) Deborah, what
are we going to do?

DEBORAH -- (peels his hands off) Barak, get a hold of yourself!

BARAK ---- I'm sorry. I lost my head. You know, they say he's

DEBORAH -- Not anymore. A woman captured him.

BARAK ---- Naw, you're just poking fun at me again.

DEBORAH -- No, I'm not. He's in that tent, over there. (points
to exit)

BARAK ---- That's nice. (tries to escape)

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, turns him around) Where do you think
you're going?

BARAK ---- (points) You said Sisera is over there. So I'm going
over here. (points)

DEBORAH -- Barak, you just amaze me. The Lord has just given
Sisera into our hands and you still won't face him.

BARAK ---- If that's Sisera's tent, there's probably armed
guards and maybe dogs. I'm not very good with dogs.

DEBORAH -- It's not Sisera's tent. Sisera hid in a tent
belonging to Heber. Heber's wife Jael is the one who conquered
Commander Sisera.

BARAK ---- You're sure?

DEBORAH -- I'm a prophet. Am I sure?

BARAK ---- (tries to escape) Are you sure you're a prophet?

DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, turns him around) Barak. The Lord
says he's already been handed over to a woman. You have nothing
to worry about. Now, go! (points)

BARAK ---- (goes cautiously) Alright, I'm going, I'm going. But
if I die, I'll never speak to you again. This tent here, you

DEBORAH -- That's the tent. He's probably already dead.

BARAK ---- (looks out exit, holds stomach) Ooooo.  I think I'm
going to be sick.

DEBORAH -- What's the matter? (approaches)

BARAK ---- There's a tent stake through Sisera's head. Poor guy
had an accident.

DEBORAH -- That was no accident. It was a fulfillment of God's
prophecy. After Sisera fell asleep, Heber's wife Jael drove the
tent stake through his head with a hammer.

BARAK ---- I think I'm going to be sick. (exits opposite

DEBORAH -- Not now, please wait til I sing my song unto the
Lord. (sings) I will make music unto the Lord.

BARAK ---- (vomits loudly)

DEBORAH -- On second thought, I'll sing later. This song doesn't
need accompaniment. (exits)

BARAK ---- (vomits loudly)

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