BACK DEBORAH 5'1m1f Prophetess Deborah pushes Barak into battle BARAK ---- (wimpy, enters, wringing hands, paces floor) DEBORAH -- (enters, cheery) Lightning! You're just the man I want to see. BARAK ---- My name is Barak. You just call me Lightning to make fun of me. DEBORAH -- No, Barak, I call you Lightning because that's what your name means in Hebrew. BARAK ---- Oh, yes, well, how may I serve you, Deborah? DEBORAH -- The Lord wants you to conquer the Canaanites. (points) BARAK ---- (chokes, coughs) Excuse me. I thought you said the Lord wants me to conquer the Canaanites. DEBORAH -- I did. BARAK ---- (tries to escape) Oh, dear. DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning, where do you think you're going? BARAK ---- I'm going to find someone else to lead your army. (tries to escape) DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning, you don't seem to understand. You are the one God chose to conquer the Canaanites. BARAK ---- Are you talking about the same Canaanites that I'm talking about? DEBORAH -- Yes, of course. BARAK ---- Did you realize that the Canaanite army has nine hundred iron chariots? DEBORAH -- Well, everyone knows that. BARAK ---- Did you know that Canaanite commander Sisera is the shrewdest and most ruthless military strategist in the world? DEBORAH -- Yes. Everyone has heard of Sisera. BARAK ---- And you want me to conquer him? DEBORAH -- Not me. The Lord. BARAK ---- This isn't happening. This is all just a bad dream. (tries to escape) I'm going to go wake up now. DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning, you're not dreaming. The Lord, says that you will conquer the Canaanites. BARAK ---- Uh huh. DEBORAH -- Lightning, would I lie to you? BARAK ---- Well, no. DEBORAH -- How do you know I'd wouldn't lie to you? BARAK ---- You're a prophet of God. You always tell the truth. DEBORAH -- So, if I tell you that you can't lose if you attack Sisera, do you believe it? BARAK ---- I guess so. DEBORAH -- So, get going. (points) BARAK ---- But you didn't say it yet. DEBORAH -- Say what? BARAK ---- That I can't lose. DEBORAH -- Alright, here it is. You can't lose. BARAK ---- Oh, yes, I can. (tries to escape) Sisera has 900 iron chariots. DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, swings him around) Lightning! BARAK ---- Please don't make me go. DEBORAH -- What do you want from me? I just gave you assurances from the Lord that you can't lose. What more do you want? BARAK ---- I want you to go with me. DEBORAH -- Lightning! If I go with you the victory will not belong to you. The Lord wants you to have the victory. BARAK ---- (falls to knees, begs) Please? Don't make me go alone! Please? DEBORAH -- Barak. BARAK ---- Please! DEBORAH -- Alright, I'll go with you. But because you're such a wimp, the Lord will hand over Sisera himself to a woman instead of to you. (points to exit, crosses) BARAK ---- (grabs her arm, exits with her) Anything you say. Just don't leave me. (they turn around, reenter immediately, they cross to DC) DEBORAH -- Well, here we are. BARAK ---- The battle is over already? DEBORAH -- You don't get it, do you? When the Lord says it, it's as good as done. BARAK ---- (looks at audience) Ooooo. Look at all those dead bodies. (holds stomach, tries to escape) I think I'm going to be sick. DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, turns him around) You can't be sick yet. BARAK ---- Why not? DEBORAH -- Because Sisera has not been handed over to us yet. BARAK ---- Sisera is here?! (hides behind Deborah) Deborah, what are we going to do? DEBORAH -- (peels his hands off) Barak, get a hold of yourself! BARAK ---- I'm sorry. I lost my head. You know, they say he's ruthless. DEBORAH -- Not anymore. A woman captured him. BARAK ---- Naw, you're just poking fun at me again. DEBORAH -- No, I'm not. He's in that tent, over there. (points to exit) BARAK ---- That's nice. (tries to escape) DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, turns him around) Where do you think you're going? BARAK ---- (points) You said Sisera is over there. So I'm going over here. (points) DEBORAH -- Barak, you just amaze me. The Lord has just given Sisera into our hands and you still won't face him. BARAK ---- If that's Sisera's tent, there's probably armed guards and maybe dogs. I'm not very good with dogs. DEBORAH -- It's not Sisera's tent. Sisera hid in a tent belonging to Heber. Heber's wife Jael is the one who conquered Commander Sisera. BARAK ---- You're sure? DEBORAH -- I'm a prophet. Am I sure? BARAK ---- (tries to escape) Are you sure you're a prophet? DEBORAH -- (grabs his hand, turns him around) Barak. The Lord says he's already been handed over to a woman. You have nothing to worry about. Now, go! (points) BARAK ---- (goes cautiously) Alright, I'm going, I'm going. But if I die, I'll never speak to you again. This tent here, you say? DEBORAH -- That's the tent. He's probably already dead. BARAK ---- (looks out exit, holds stomach) Ooooo. I think I'm going to be sick. DEBORAH -- What's the matter? (approaches) BARAK ---- There's a tent stake through Sisera's head. Poor guy had an accident. DEBORAH -- That was no accident. It was a fulfillment of God's prophecy. After Sisera fell asleep, Heber's wife Jael drove the tent stake through his head with a hammer. BARAK ---- I think I'm going to be sick. (exits opposite quickly) DEBORAH -- Not now, please wait til I sing my song unto the Lord. (sings) I will make music unto the Lord. BARAK ---- (vomits loudly) DEBORAH -- On second thought, I'll sing later. This song doesn't need accompaniment. (exits) BARAK ---- (vomits loudly) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |