CAIN2    9'3m1f Cain murders Abel

(all characters wear tunics and sandals)

SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with an unlit cigarette in
mouth, and a money pouch in his waist band) The name is Spade.
Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's
greatest private investigator. ( walks by trash can, looks into
it, stops, looks both ways, digs into trash can, straightens)
Now, I suppose you're wondering why the world's greatest private
investigator is digging in a trash can. Well, business has been
a little slow lately. (digs into trash can)

EVE -- (follows with fig leaves sewn over the private parts) Are
you Sam Spade?

SAM -- (straightens with banana peel in hand) Huh?

EVE -- Are you Sam Spade?

SAM -- That's me. World famous private investigator. (notices
banana peel, smiles, drops it into can) I was... I was... I
accidentally dropped my money pouch into the trash can.

EVE -- (points subtly at Sam's money pouch)

SAM -- Oh! Well, there it is! My mistake. (moves pouch to other
side) I usually wear my money pouch on this side. You have a
need for a private investigator?

EVE -- (eyes trash can, turns) Maybe I'll find another

SAM -- (hurries into Eve's path) Actually, as it turns out, I'm
the only private eye in town. What can I do for you?

EVE -- Very well. I need to have you find my son.

SAM -- As luck would have it, I'm between investigations. I
could give your case my undivided attention -- for the right fee
of course.

EVE -- Money is no object.

SAM -- (raises eye brows and smiles to audience, pulls notepad
and pencil from pocket) So, tell me about your son. Name?

EVE -- His name is Abel.

SAM -- Abel, you say?

EVE -- Yes. You know him?

SAM -- Everybody knows him. He's the son of Adam and... Adam
and... Eve. You must be Eve.

EVE -- Yes.

SAM -- I'm honored.

EVE -- Please. Don't waste time. I need you to find him!

SAM -- What did he do? Is he on the lamb from the law?

EVE -- No. I think that something bad may have happened to him.
Can you find him?

SAM -- If he's around, I'll find him. But I need a little more
information about him. Height?

EVE -- Average height.

SAM -- Weight?

EVE -- Average weight.

SAM -- Age?

EVE -- One hundred thirty seven.

SAM -- Excuse me?

EVE -- One hundred thirty seven.

SAM -- You can't be serious!

EVE -- Of course I'm serious. Everybody lives for hundreds of
years these days. It will be thousands of years before mutations
shorten our lifespans.

SAM -- Mutations?

EVE -- It's a little hard to explain. Just find my son!

SAM -- Does he have any scars, tattoes, or distinguishing

EVE -- I tell you what. He's almost identical to his brother
Cain. Why don't you go have a look at him.

SAM -- Good idea. Maybe Cain will have some information about
the disappearance.

EVE -- (exiting) Keep me posted.

SAM -- (hurries into Eve's path) There was just one more thing.

EVE -- Yes?

SAM -- My fee?

EVE -- Oh, that.

SAM -- Yes, I was thinking....

EVE -- (exiting) My husband handles the money. He'll pay you
after you find my son.

SAM -- (follows) But, I usually get a retainer.... (stops) A few
drachmas for expenses? (deep breath)

(to audience, strolling back across stage) I'm Sam Spade, the
world's greatest private investigator. A few drachmas in advance
isn't too much to ask if your the world's greatest private eye,
is it? Oh, well, I think the old man is good for it.

(to Cain) Hey, you.

CAIN -- (enters) You talking to me?

SAM -- Yes. I'm looking for a guy named Cain.

CAIN -- What do you want with this person named Cain?

SAM -- His mother Eve hired me to find his brother Abel.

CAIN -- Why do you want to talk to Cain? He doesn't know
anything about the disappearance.

SAM -- So, you know him?

CAIN -- You haven't answered my question. Why do you want to
talk to Cain? Are you a cop?

SAM -- I'm a private investigator. I asked Abel's mother what
Abel looked like. She told me that Abel looks a lot like his
brother Cain. So,...

CAIN -- Oh. That's all?

SAM -- Yes. So, you know Cain?

CAIN -- I'm Cain. Abel looks just like me.

SAM -- Why so evasive?

CAIN -- Why?

SAM -- Yeah, why?

CAIN -- You want to know why I pretended not to be me?

SAM -- Yeah, why?

CAIN -- Well, Abel disappeared. I thought maybe I might be next.
Yeah, that's it. I figured I might be next.

SAM -- Next for what?

CAIN -- Why are you asking? What do you know? (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) This guy knows something about the
disappearance. He's acting suspicious.

(to Cain) You're acting suspicious. What do you know about the

CAIN -- Me?! Why would I know anything?! (exiting) I don't know
anything? I'm innocent! I'm innocent, I tell you! I'm innocent!

SAM -- (to audience) What did I tell you. The brother is hiding
something. He knows more than he's letting on.

ADAM -- (enters wearing fig leaves sewn over private parts) Have
you seen my son?

SAM -- It depends. Since I don't know who you are, I probably
don't know your son either. What's his name?

ADAM -- His name is Abel.

SAM -- So, your name must be Adam.

ADAM -- Yes. My son disappeared. Have you seen him? (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) Now, I don't want you to get the wrong
idea. But I'm a little low on cash. And since Adam's wife
stiffed me on my retainer, I need to stretch the rules a little.

(to Adam) Well, Adam, this could be your lucky day. As luck
would have it I am a private investigator and I happen to be
between assignments right now. I would be happy to look for your
son, for a modest fee, of course.

ADAM -- Yes, of course. Anything. Can you find him for me?

SAM -- Sure. I might already have a lead for you.

ADAM -- Really?! What do you have?!

SAM -- I think your other son Cain might know more about the
disappearance than he's letting on.

ADAM -- He does?

SAM -- Yes. He's acting very suspicious. I'll bet Cain was the
last person to see Abel before he disappeared.

ADAM -- (pauses) As a matter of fact, he was. Do you think
that's significant?

SAM -- Could be. (takes notes) What were your sons doing last
time they were together?

ADAM -- It was harvest time. We usually give the first fruits of
the harvest to the Lord as a sacrifice at harvest time. The last
I saw of Abel, he was on his way to the alter with his brother
Cain to offer their sacrifices to God.

SAM -- Aha!

ADAM -- What? Does that mean something?!

SAM -- No. I just say that once in a while to make it sound like
I'm making progress. Tell me more about the sacrifice.

ADAM -- Well, I didn't think much about it at the time, but when
Cain came back from the alter, he was upset.

SAM -- Did he tell you why?

ADAM -- He said that the Lord had rejected his sacrifice.

SAM -- Did Cain say anything about Abel's sacrifice?

ADAM -- (pauses) No. I asked him about it, but he changed the
subject. (exiting) I'll ask him about it.

SAM -- (hurries into Adam's path) There was just the matter of
my fee. I usually get a retainer up front for defraying my

ADAM -- (exiting) As soon as you find my son.

SAM -- (deep breath, to audience) It's not like I'm asking for
the world. A guy can't even make a buck!

CAIN -- (reenters, sees Sam, turns to exit)

SAM -- (approaches) Just the man I wanted to see.

CAIN -- (not turning) I don't know anything. Leave me alone.

SAM -- Tell me about the sacrifices.

CAIN -- (turns) What do you know about the sacrifices?!

SAM -- I know that God rejected YOUR sacrifice.

CAIN -- Who told you that?!

SAM -- I'm a world class private investigator. You can't hide
anything from me. (moves close to Cain's ear) I know about your

CAIN -- You know about his sacrifice?!

SAM -- Ah, yeah. I know all about it. But you tell me about it.
I may decide to go easy on you if you tell me your side of it.

(Adam and Eve enter opposite)

CAIN -- (panicked look to audience, backs away) I... I'm not
telling you anything. (turns, gasps) Mother! Father!

EVE -- Cain, honey, are you holding back on something?

ADAM -- Tell us what you know.

CAIN -- Alright! I'll tell you! The Lord accepted Abel's
sacrifice after he rejected mine. So, I got jealous and I killed
him. I killed my brother in a jealous rage and I buried the
body. (exits)

ADAM -- (follows) Cain, my son, how could you?! (exits)

EVE -- (follows) You loved your brother! How could you?!

SAM -- (follows) There was just one small matter. About my fee?

EVE -- (stops, turns) What fee? Cain confessed to US, not to
YOU! (exits)

SAM -- (shrugs, to audience) This is the story of my life.
(exiting opposite) Note to self: The world's greatest private
investigator always collects the fee in advance.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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