BACK SAUL 7'1m4f Private-I traces Saul's conversion to Paul (scene: bare stage, except two chairs DC) SAM -- (enters, yawning, sits, feet up, snores) DOLL - (harsh, enters, clears throat, pause) Hey. Hey, wake up. SAM -- (snorts) The check is in the mail. Huh? Oh. (stands) Hey, listen I can explain this. I... I, ah... I was up late last night... following an important lead. Yeah, that's it. I was following a lead. DOLL - I'm sure. Is your name Sam Spade? SAM -- It depends. Are you from a collection agency? DOLL - Of course not. SAM -- In that case, yes, I'm Sam Spade. What can I help you with, Doll? DOLL - How did you know my name? SAM -- I'm sorry. I'm still a little groggy. I didn't know I called you by name, Doll. DOLL - Doll. My name is Doll. SAM -- Oh. DOLL - My employers have a job for you. SAM -- Well, I'm a very busy man. I have a lot of cases to solve. But I could set them aside if the price is right. DOLL - (drops large bag of coins on chair) Will this be enough? SAM -- Holy cow! What did you do, rob a bank? DOLL - My employers are very determined. SAM -- Also very rich. Yes, well, I guess I could rearrange my schedule. So, what do they want me to do? DOLL - They want you to find a Pharisee. SAM -- Well, that's easy. Just go down to the street corner. Them Pharisees is a bunch of show-off. They stand on the street corners and pray out loud. Real spiritual, you know? DOLL - I was referring to a specific Pharisee named Saul of Tarsus. SAM -- Oh. Where did you last see this guy Saul? DOLL - A couple weeks ago, he was going to Damascus to throw some Christians in jail. SAM -- Nice guy. DOLL - I can take my money and my business to another private-I. (reaches for bag) SAM -- (holds bag down) Oh, no! I'll take the job. Where was Saul supposed to stay while he was in Damascus? DOLL - He was going to stay at the house of a Pharisee named Judas. SAM -- Doll face, this Saul of Tarsus is as good as found. DOLL - Good. (picks up bag, backs toward exit) I'll just hang onto this bag of silver until you find him. As soon as you find him, stop by and pick up your pay at the Sanhedrin. (exits) SAM -- The Sanhedrin?! What about my... retainer. Oh, well. (to audience, crossing slowly) I went to Damascus and knocked on the door of Judas the Pharisee. MRS -- (ditzy, enter polishing finger nails) I gave at the office. SAM -- Hey, I'm not collecting for anything. MRS -- I'm very busy. SAM -- So, I see. I'm looking for a Pharisee named Saul of Tarsus. MRS -- Do you like this color on me? SAM -- Maybe I should talk to your husband. Is Judas home? MRS -- Oh, he's traveling again. He's always out looking for Christians and throwing them in jail. I think this nail polish is a bit too pink for me, don't you? SAM -- Can you tell me anything about this Saul of Tarsus? MRS -- If you ask me, I think he has a little problem with the bottle. SAM -- What do you mean? MRS -- Well, Judas and I were traveling with Saul, when, just outside of town here, he fell off his donkey. And when he stood up, he was as blind as a bat. I don't think this nail polish goes with my lipstick at all, do you? SAM -- So, Saul is blind? MRS -- Oh, he WAS blind for three days. He didn't eat or drink anything. But a fella named Ananias came in and laid his hand on him and healed him. This nail polish will never go with my red dress. SAM -- So, now Saul can see? MRS -- I can't believe I paid 4 and a half drachmas for this nail polish. SAM -- Mam, please? MRS -- Yeah, yeah, he can see just fine. He went with Ananias. SAM -- Ananias? And where does he live? MRS -- On the other side of town. And I do mean the OTHER side of town. If railroad tracks were invented he would live on the wrong side of them, if you know what I mean. SAM -- I think I can find him. (backs away) Thanks for your help. MRS -- (exiting) I can't believe I bought this stuff. SAM -- (to audience, crossing) I made my way to the poor section of Damascus and found the house of Ananias. LOLA - (young, low, breathy voice, enters) Hello, good looking. SAM -- Can I assume that you are not Ananias? LOLA - Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy's not at home. In fact, nobody is home. Would you like to come in and keep me company? SAM -- Huh? LOLA - Close your mouth, big boy. You're drooling. SAM -- Huh? Oh, yeah, ah where was I? LOLA - Would you like to come in? SAM -- Yes..., no. LOLA - Well, what is it? Yes or no? SAM -- Maybe later. Yeah, definitely later. Right now, I have to find a guy named Saul of Tarsus. LOLA - Oh, he's gone now. The Lord somehow convinced him that Jesus was the messiah. But, when he started preaching about Jesus in the synagogue, the Jews tried to kill him. We had to lower him in a basket from our window to help him escape. He went back to Jerusalem. He's probably preaching to the Greek-speaking Jews in the temple right now. SAM -- Oh, great. I find true love and I have to leave town. LOLA - I'll be waiting for your return, handsome. (exits) SAM -- (to audience, crossing) I reluctant returned to Jerusalem and stopped by the Sanhedrin. DOLL - (enters) So, what do you want? SAM -- I found your man. DOLL - Oh, really? SAM -- So, when do I get my money? DOLL - When do I get Saul? SAM -- He's right here in Jerusalem. I'm told he's preaching to the Greek-speaking Jews in the temple. DOLL - Nice try. SAM -- What do you mean? DOLL - We tried to kill him there, but he escaped. SAM -- You didn't say you were going to kill him. DOLL - The dirty, low down rat, defected to the Christians. And his friends smuggled him over to Caesarea. If you want your bag of silver, get over there and find him. SAM -- Any chance I could get a little advance? DOLL - You get zero, zip, nada, zilch. Take a hike. (exits) SAM -- (deep breath, to audience, crossing) I went over to Caesarea, but found out that Saul had moved on to Tarsus. So, I went over to Tarsus, only to find that Saul had moved back to Jerusalem. (crosses back) Back at Jerusalem, I stopped in at the Sanhedrin. Hiya, doll. DOLL - (enters) He went to Antioch. Hit the road. (exits) SAM -- (to audience, strolling across) Nice to see you too. (to audience, crossing) I hurried to Antioch to catch Saul before he blew town again, only to find out that Saul seemed to disappear into thin air. Several people reported that a guy named Saul came into town, but noone named Saul left town. A few people reported a new guy in town named Paul. This Paul was a Christian too. But Paul was last seen boarding a ship in the Mediterranean Sea, headed for points unknown. Sad to say, this was one case that went unsolved. Well, this case wasn't a total loss. During my investigations, I had found a new love interest in Damascus. Hiya, doll face! I... MOM -- (deep voice, harsh, enter) Are you the guy who tried to make a move on my daughter? SAM -- (backs away) Me? No. Sorry, wrong house. (to audience, crossing to chairs) So, there you have it. I get no Saul, no money and no love interest. But you know what they say. You win some, you lose some and some get rained out. I went back to my office, you know, (feet up) to follow an important lead. Let's see now. Where was I? (snores) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |