BACK RICHFOOL 5'2m0f The parable of the rich fool RICH -- (enters briskly, crosses to C, looks around, looks at watch, paces) This is why I hate building contractors. They never value my time. POOR -- (enters running, stops, points at Rich) Oh, it's you! (laughs hysterically, pounding thigh) RICH -- What is so funny?! POOR -- (attempts unsuccessfully to control laughter) I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My secretary called me on my cell phone just now and told me that she forgot to tell me that I had an appointment. (laughs) RICH -- And you think that's funny? POOR -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I guess I should apologize. You see, when I asked her the name of the person I was supposed to meet, she said, "It's a rich fool!" Isn't that a crack up?! (laughs) RICH -- Very funny. POOR -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. See, I thought she was making a value judgement about you. But that's your name. (laughs) RICH -- And you think my name is funny? POOR -- Oh, no sir. Not at all. (laughs) I wasn't expecting Richard H. Fool, himself, the wealthiest man in the county. I'm sorry if my laughing offended you, Mr Fool. (tries unsuccessfully to stifle laughter) RICH -- Well, I guess you've wasted quite enough of my time. What I wanted to talk to you about ... (notices Poor is laughing, shouts) Do you mind?! POOR -- (serious) I'm sorry, Mr Fool. How may I help you? Is it about your barns here? (points to back wall above audience) RICH -- Yes, I want them torn down. POOR -- Mr Fool, I just built those barns for you last year. I used the finest materials and workmanship. Is there something wrong with them? RICH -- Oh, they're fine. It's just that they're not big enough. POOR -- No big enough? RICH -- No. My farm lands have produced a huge crop this year and there's no way all of that grain will fit in these barns. So I want you to tear down these barns and build me some bigger barns. POOR -- Bigger barns. RICH -- Yes. To hold all of my bumper crop of grain. You CAN take care of that for me, can't you? POOR -- Well, yes, I CAN, sir, but... RICH -- Good. When you're finished, send me the bill. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm throwing a party. POOR -- A party? RICH -- Yes, and the guest of honor is ME. POOR -- You are the guest of honor at your own party? RICH -- Well, yes, of course. I am now not only the richest man in the county, I am the richest man in the state. POOR -- Well, then, now would probably be a good time for me to collect what you own me. RICH -- What I owe you? POOR -- Yes, you still haven't paid me all you owe me for building these barns. RICH -- Well, just add it to the bill. I'll pay it all when you're finished. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some wine, women and song to devour. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet." (chuckles) POOR -- Excuse me, Mr Fool, but I don't think that will work. RICH -- What won't work? POOR -- There's a pretty good chance that you will never pay me what you owe me. RICH -- What are you talking about? POOR -- Well, first of all, I heard that you cheated your farmers out of what you owed them in order to increase wealth. RICH -- Can I help it if those poor miserable farmers can't add two and two? But that shouldn't affect you. I'll pay you what I owe. POOR -- I doubt it. RICH -- What do you mean by that? POOR -- Mr Fool, did you give ten per cent of your harvest to the Lord? RICH -- Do you take me for a fool?! POOR -- (almost inaudible) Rich fool. (begins laughing, turns away) RICH -- Do you realize what ten percent of my harvest would amount to? POOR -- No. But I'm sure you.... RICH -- It could feed a small city for a year. If you think I would just GIVE AWAY that much grain, you're badly mistaken. POOR -- When you give it to the Lord, you're not giving it AWAY. You're giving it BACK. RICH -- Giving it back? To whom? POOR -- Surely, you don't think you could have possibly produced this huge crop without God's help, do you? RICH -- Did God negotiate a deal with all those farmers? Did God plant the seeds and harvest the crop? Did God swindle those poor stupid farmers out of their share of the harvest? God did nothing FOR me. So, he gets nothing FROM me. POOR -- My secretary was right. RICH -- Excuse me? POOR -- I WAS meeting with a rich fool. RICH -- Well, if you want to insult me, I'll take my construction business elsewhere. (moves to exit) POOR -- I doubt it. RICH -- (turns) Excuse me? POOR -- The Lord won't let you get away with stealing for very long, especially stealing from HIM. (exits opposite) Now if YOU'll excuse ME, I don't want to be near you when the Lord deals with you. RICH -- I am not going to let that hammer jockey ruin my party. (turn to exit) "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may...." (grabs throat, chokes, reels, exits dying) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. 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