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RHODA    4'1m1f Peter breaks out of jail, but noone believes it

(scene: bare stage except a free-standing door with edge to 
audience)

PETER -- (enters, knocks)

RHODA -- (ditzy, enters opposite) Who's there?

PETER -- (always whispers loudly) Rhoda, it's Peter.

RHODA -- (laughs) That's very funny. King Herod threw Peter in 
jail for preaching the resurrection of Jesus. Who's out there, 
really.

PETER -- Rhoda, it's really me. I broke out of jail.

RHODA -- No way Peter could have broken out of jail. He was 
hand-cuffed to two prison guards and there were two other prison 
guards guarding the door.

PETER -- Yes, but an angel of the Lord put them all to sleep and 
took off my hand cuffs. I walked right out of jail.

RHODA -- Oh, sure.

PETER -- Rhoda! Let me in! I'm a fugitive from the law.

RHODA -- Who are you really?

PETER -- Rhoda, let me in or I'll have you fired!

RHODA -- Fat chance. I've been a servant here for 10 years.

PETER -- Rhoda, let me in!

RHODA -- How do you know my name? Is this Harold from the 
singles ministry?

PETER -- No, I'm not Harold. I'm Peter. Let me in!

RHODA -- I'll bet this is Mordecai, the produce manager down at 
the market.

PETER -- Rhoda, I'm going to ring your neck!

RHODA -- My, aren't we feisty? Okay, if you're Peter, then 
you'll know what I'm wearing.

PETER -- Rhoda! I was thrown in jail yesterday. How do I know 
what you're wearing today?

RHODA -- Take a guess.

PETER -- Rhoda! If they catch me, they'll kill me! Just go get 
John. He'll let me in.

RHODA -- Sorry, John and the others are praying for Peter.

PETER -- But I'm Peter. Their prayers have been answered!

RHODA -- Oh, I've got it! You're the guy I ran into in the 
public library, right?

PETER -- Rhoda, when I get my hands on you, you are dead meat. 

RHODA -- I'm not afraid of a librarian.

PETER -- Remember, Ananias and Sapphira? I struck them dead right 
in front of me.

RHODA -- Peter did that. 

PETER -- I know that. I'm Peter.

RHODA -- Boy, you sure sound a lot like him.

PETER -- Rhoda! Let me in, or I'll break down this door!

RHODA -- Peter? Is that you?

PETER -- After I break the door down, I'm going to see to that 
you are eaten up by worms.

RHODA -- Peter? It IS you, isn't it?

PETER -- Yes. Now will you open the door and let me in?

RHODA -- John will be so excited! I have to tell John! (exiting) 
John! John! Peter is out of jail! John!

PETER -- Rhoda, don't go away. Rhoda! Just let me in! Rhoda, 
come back and open the door! Stupid woman! (pause)

RHODA -- (enters) Peter? Peter, are you still out there?

PETER -- Of course, I'm still out here. Where else would I go? 
I'll probably be here until the rapture.

RHODA -- Peter, I don't know how to tell you this, but John says 
that the person at the door is probably not Peter.

PETER -- Oh, great. And just who does he think is at the door?

RHODA -- He says you're probably an angel.

PETER -- Oh, really? Well, you go tell him that if he doesn't 
let me in in 30 seconds, his mother will be collecting on his 
life insurance and I will be writing the book of Revelation!

RHODA -- (exiting) Okay, I'll tell him.

PETER -- (aside) Calm down, Peter. The Lord got you out of 
jail. He can get you through a stupid door. Lord, if you have 
any fire and brimstone left over from Sodom and Gomorrah could you 
maybe....

RHODA -- (enters) ...Okay, Peter, John said that it's probably 
Peter out there.

PETER -- Then what are you waiting for?

RHODA -- Oh, yeah, I should open the door, ha. (pause) Okay, 
Peter, I'm going to open up the door now.

PETER -- That's very nice, Rhoda.

RHODA -- (opens door) Peter! It's you!

PETER -- Yes, isn't it though?! (starts to enter)

RHODA -- (stops him) Can I see some identification? 

PETER -- You know, I have never stuck a woman before, but...
(rolls up his sleeves)

RHODA -- (exits) John! John, help me!

PETER -- (follows) Rhoda, wait til I get my hands on you...


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