HEALING  3'2m0f Jesus heals the fever of Simon's mother-in-law

JACK -- (enters, crosses to podium, opens Bible) The gospel 
according to (Gary enters, crosses to podium, stands behind 
Jack, looks over his shoulder) Luke beginning at chapter four 
and verse thirty-aaaa... may I help you?

GARY -- No, you go right ahead. Everything is fine so far.

JACK -- What do you mean, 'so far'?

GARY -- The boss says I have to do the disclaimers.

JACK -- What disclaimers? What boss? Who are you?

GARY -- Oh, ah, I'm from the insurance company, you know,
liability insurance? And the, ah, you know, the special interest 
groups are suing at the drop of a participle, so the boss says 
we have to do the disclaimers.

JACK -- Disclaimers.

GARY -- If you say anything we could get sued for.

JACK -- Uh huh. So, you're just going to stand there and wait 
for me to make a mistake.

GARY -- Well, I... I suppose I could just give a general 
disclaimer to put everyone at ease.

JACK -- Please, (offers the podium) be my guest.

GARY -- The opinions of this spokesman do not necessarily 
reflect the views of this organization or any of it's 
affiliates. (offers podium to Jack, speaks the rest of his lines 
over Jack's shoulder)

JACK -- What opinions? I'm merely reading the Bible.

GARY -- Sorry, it's new policy. You know how things are.

JACK -- (sigh) The gospel according Luke beginning at chapter 
four and verse 38.

GARY -- So far so good. Keep going.

JACK -- You're so kind.

GARY -- Not at all.

JACK -- Jesus left the synagogue and went to the home of Simon. 

GARY -- This stunt was done on a closed track with a 
professional race driver, do not attempt this stunt at home.

JACK -- (pause and double take) Now Simon's mother-in-law was 
suffering from a high fever, and they asked Jesus to help her. 

GARY -- All cases are evaluated on their individual merits. Your 
results may vary.

JACK -- So he bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left 
her. She got up at once and began to wait on them. 

GARY -- Side effects include dizziness and drowsiness. Do not 
operate heavy equipment.

JACK -- When the sun was setting, the people brought to Jesus 
all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on 
each one, he healed them.

GARY -- Follow label instructions, if symptoms persist see your 

JACK -- Moreover, demons came out of many people, shouting, "You 
are the Son of God!"

GARY -- Void where prohibited, prices my vary, supplies limited, 
finance charge 22.5 APR, minimum finance charge 50 cents, wear 
your seat belt.

JACK -- You've got to be kidding!

GARY -- I call 'em as I see 'em.

JACK -- But he rebuked them and would not allow them to speak, 
because they knew he was the Christ. (steps aside, exits after a 
moment, shaking his head)

GARY -- (steps up to podium) Do not remove this tag under 
penalty of law, price excludes delivery and dealer prep, license 
and sales tax extra, some items subject to prior sale, 14 day 
advanced purchase required, purchase price is nonrefundable, 
batteries not included, some assembly require. (looks around)
Where'd he go? (shrugs, exits)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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