EUTYCHUS 5'2m1f Paul's sermon puts Eutychus to sleep

(knock, knock, knock, pause, knock, knock, knock)

MOM -- (shouts from offstage) Come on in. It's open.

COP -- (enters cautiously) Hello? Hello. Police department.

MOM -- (enters wearing pajamas, bathrobe, slippers, hair in 
towel) Hi, sorry to keep you waiting. I was just taking a bath 
and getting ready for bed.

COP -- Getting ready for bed? The sun just came up. It's 

MOM -- I know. It's a little hard to explain. We've had a guest 
staying with us for the last week. Yesterday was his last day 
with us, so we had a going-away party for him last night. He 
kept us up all night. 

COP -- I think I know the one you mean.

MOM -- You do? 

COP -- I'll bet he's the one who died.

MOM -- Died?! No, he didn't die. Who told you that?

COP -- Rumor is that somebody died here last night. So, where's 
the body?

MOM -- There's no body.

COP -- Look, if somebody died here last night, there's got to be 
a body. 

MOM -- Listen, it's a long story and I'm very tired. I tell you 
what, why don't I get a little sleep, then I'll come down to the 
police station and tell you all about it this afternoon? (tries 
to usher Cop to exit)

COP -- (resists) Oh, sure. By then you'll have a chance to 
dispose of the body. Where is it?

MOM -- I told you there's no body. Everything is just fine. 
Really. I can explain it to you later.

COP -- Alright! Let's have a look in your back yard.

MOM -- I'm telling you, there's no body! (sigh) Alright, I'll 
tell you the story. But you're making a mountain out of a mole 

COP -- (writes in note pad) Alright, I'm listening.

MOM -- Where do I start? Okay, first you should know that my 
house guest was a preacher.

COP -- Was?

MOM -- Yes, he's gone now.

COP -- So you did kill him.

MOM -- He's not the one who died.

COP -- (writes) Uh huh, so now there's two bodies.

MOM -- No, I assure you, the preacher is very much alive, he was 
never dead. He's now on his way to Assos.

COP -- A likely story.

MOM -- Will you just listen? He was preaching to about thirty of 
us last night, (points up) right here in the upstairs room. It 
was a warm evening. And you know how preachers are. When they 
get in front of an audience, they tend to get a little windy. 
Anyway, after a few hours, my son got drowsy and dozed off, so 
after I woke him up, he got up and went over and sat in the open 
window, thinking that the cool evening air would revive him.

COP -- That's when you pushed him to his death?

MOM -- No, I didn't push my own son out the window!

COP -- Who, then? The preacher? Is that why he took it on the 
lam to Assos?

MOM -- (sigh) It was nothing like that. The cool night air 
didn't revive my son. He fell asleep again, but this time he 
fell backward out the window and landed on his head.

COP -- (writes) Broke his neck?

MOM -- Yes. He died instantly.

COP -- So, where's the body?

MOM -- I told you there's no body. The preacher came downstairs, 
put his arms around my son's body and miraculously brought him 
back to life.

COP -- Yeah, right.

MOM -- He did! I'm telling you, my son is very much alive!

COP -- You expect me to believe that your kid broke his neck and 
died, but he's still walking around?

MOM -- Well, he's not walking around....

COP -- Uh huh! I knew it!

MOM -- He's asleep.

COP -- Call him.

MOM -- I can't wake him now. He just got to sleep.

COP -- Call him or you're going to jail!

MOM -- Alright. (shouts back to exit) Eutychus! Eutychus! 

COP -- (pause) Nice try. Just come quietly.

MOM -- (shouts) Eutychus! Eutychus! 

SON -- (enters wearing pajamas, robe, slippers; scratches self, 
yawns) Yeah, Mom? You call me?

MOM -- Yes, this police officer....

COP -- I'll ask the questions. I don't want you giving him 
signals. (to Son) You the one who fell out of the window up 
there? (points)

SON -- Yeah, that was me. It was kind of embarrassing. I....

COP -- Did you hurt yourself?

SON -- Yeah, didn't Mom tell you? I broke my neck and died.

COP -- Yeah, right. Well, I see you two have had time to get 
your stories to match.

SON -- What's he talking about, Mom?

COP -- You're neck don't look broke to me.

SON -- It's not broken anymore, Paul healed me.

COP -- Paul? Did you say his name was Paul?

SON -- Yeah.

COP -- That's the preacher's name? Paul?

SON -- Yeah.

COP -- This wouldn't happen to be the Apostle Paul, would it?

SON -- Yeah.

COP -- (writes) Apostle Paul.

SON -- Can I go back to bed now?

MOM -- I don't think the policeman believes you....

COP -- Well, of course I believe you! I've seen Paul do that 
sort of thing before! (turns, exits) Why didn't you say the 
preacher's name was Paul? 

MOM -- (turns, escorts Son to exit) Silly me. I thought the 
important thing was that there was no body.

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