BEGGAR   3'4m0f John and Peter heal a crippled beggar

(beggar seated DC, as John and Peter enter, pause)

JOHN --- Peter, why are we going this way? It's time to go to 
the temple and pray.

PETER -- We're going to the temple, John. I just want to go in 
through the other entrance.

JOHN --- Why are we going out of the way?

PETER -- According to the book of the Acts of the Apostles, we 
have to heal a crippled beggar at this entrance.

JOHN --- (opens Bible, they continue to across) Oh! You mean 
chapter 3, verse 6?

PETER -- Yeah, there he is. (they approach)

BEGGAR - Alms. Alms for the poor.

JOHN --- No, thank you.

PETER -- John, he's not offering us money. He's asking us for 

JOHN --- Oh.

PETER -- I'm sorry, fella, we don't have any money.

BEGGAR - Then, take a hike, buddy.

JOHN --- Let's go, Peter. (starts toward exit)

PETER -- John, we came here to heal this man. We have to 
heal him.

BEGGAR - Hey, you two, either drop some shekels into the can or 
move your buns. You're interfering with my visibility here.

PETER -- We've decided to heal you.

BEGGAR - Well, LA DEE DA. Aren't WE spiritual.

JOHN --- I don't think he wants us to heal him, Peter.

BEGGAR - What gave you the first clue, Bozo? 

JOHN --- Maybe we should go, Peter.

PETER -- Oh, sure, and then we erase the first 8 verses of Acts 
chapter 3?

JOHN --- Oh. Maybe you're right.

BEGGAR - (pushes them) Would you mind?! I'm begging here!

PETER -- Wouldn't you rather be able to walk?

BEGGAR - Hey, this isn't a bad gig. Jerusalem is full of Jewish 

JOHN --- What do Jewish mothers have to do with begging?

BEGGAR - Hey, there's enough guilt in Jerusalem for three 
cities. The begging business is booming. Step aside and let me 

MAN ---- (Enters, crosses) 

BEGGAR - (shouts) Alms, alms for the poor. 

MAN ---- (ignores beggar)

BEGGAR - Hey, hey, fella, I hear your mother is disappointed 
that you didn't become a doctor.

MAN ---- (drops coins in can, exits)

BEGGAR - What did I tell you?

JOHN --- Wow!

PETER -- Very impressive.

BEGGAR - Works every time. So, how about you fellas? Did you 
clean your room and make your bed this morning?

PETER -- Nice try. We don't have any money.

BEGGAR - Then kiss off. You're blocking my livelihood here.

PETER -- Sorry, the Bible says we have to heal you. Let's get it 
over with.

JOHN --- Peter, doesn't he have to have faith?

PETER -- John, John, John, John, John. Haven't you ever read 
Ephesians 2:8?

JOHN --- Peter, the book of Ephesians hasn't been written yet.

PETER -- Oh. Yeah. But when Paul writes it, he's going to say 
that faith is a gift from God.

BEGGAR - Hey, a gift is a gift. I'll accept a gift.

PETER -- Alright, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.

BEGGAR - Well?

JOHN --- Well, what?

BEGGAR - Well, I ain't walkin'.

JOHN --- Look, fella, you can't walk while sitting on your tush.

PETER -- Yeah, let me help you up. (grabs Beggar's hand)

BEGGAR - You're sure about this?

PETER -- I'm sure about God. Give it a try. (pulls him up)

BEGGAR - (walks cautiously at first) Hey! Check this out! I'm 
walking! I'm walking! (dances around)

JOHN --- Actually, he's dancing. Is he supposed to be dancing, 

PETER -- Gee, I don't know. Let's check the Bible.... (opens 
Bible) Acts 3:8... No. Dancing is not listed here, just walking 
and jumping, and praising God. 

BEGGAR - (Hoops, hollers, dances) Eeeeehaaah! Praise the Lord! I 
am awalkin'! Eeeeeehaaah!

JOHN --- He's dancing, Peter. (shouts) Hey, fella, Bible doesn't 
say anything about dancing.

BEGGAR - (Hoops, hollers, exits) Eeeeehaaah! Praise the Lord! I 
am awalkin'! Eeeeeehaaah!

PETER -- (Closes Bible as both exit) Oh, well, let's wait for 
the Philips translation.

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