AUDITION 3'3m0f An audition for the part of Judas

DIR -- (shouts to off stage) Send in the next applicant.

BOB -- (enters, hands A his resume) Hello.

DIR -- (stands shakes hands) Hi, I'm the casting director for 
Yahweh productions. Nice to meet you Mr (looks at resume) 
Johnson. Well, I see by your resume that you have a lot of 
acting experience.

BOB -- Yes, I'd like to read for the part of the head apostle.

DIR -- Oh, I'm sorry, but we've already cast a fisherman named 
Peter for that role.

BOB -- Oh, really?! Are you sure it's not too late? I saw the 
role of the head apostle as the arrogant loud-mouth. I do that 
role really well.

DIR -- I'm sorry, Peter is a perfect arrogant loud-mouth. I'm 
sure Jesus will love him.

BOB -- Bummer. Well, what about other roles are you casting, 
then? What about the warm hearted sidekick apostle, the one who 
has to write a gospel and several epistles?

DIR -- Sorry, we cast a fellow named John in that role. In fact, 
we've cast all the apostles, except the role of the one who 
betrays Jesus.

BOB -- Oh, you didn't describe him in your ad.

DIR -- It's not a big part, but it is pivotal to the plot.

BOB -- Does he have any lines that will end up in the Bible?

DIR -- A few.

BOB -- Do you mind if I read for that role, then?

DIR -- Not at all. For some reason, nobody else wants the part.

(hands Bob a script)

Here, read the highlighted response where the prostitute pours 
perfume on Jesus' feet.

BOB -- Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the 

DIR -- Good. Skip to page two, the conversation with temple 

BOB -- What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to 

DIR -- Good.

BOB -- All I get is one line per scene?

DIR -- Skip to page four, where the Jesus says, "woe to the man 
who betrays the son of man"

BOB -- Surely not I, Lord! 

Surely not I, Lord? Don't I have any lines longer than ten 

DIR -- Now, the scene where you betray Jesus, page 36.

BOB -- Greetings, Rabbi. 

Greetings, Rabbi? This guy is a man of few words.

DIR -- And, finally, the scene where you go back to the temple 
and tell them you made a mistake by selling out the Son of God.

BOB -- I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood.

DIR -- Good, you've got the part.

BOB -- No, thanks.

DIR -- But, you were made for the part. Listen, without you to 
betray him, he can't die for our sins. He needs you to do this.

BOB -- It says here that I go out and kill myself. Gruesome! No, 
thanks! (stands)

DIR -- (stands) Hold on, Mr.... Johnson. You know, less than 
half of the apostles have speaking parts. This part is a real 

BOB -- No, thanks!

DIR -- How many people do you know who get a role as a friend of 
the Messiah?

BOB -- Who'd be dumb enough to want the role that would land 
them in hell for eternity?

GOOFY -- (enters) Hiuck, hiuck, is this where I get to be an 

DIR & BOB -- Perfect!

BOB -- Sign him up!

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