ANNA     5'1m1f Herod's hit man stalks baby Jesus

ANNA --- (Very old, Jewish accent, enters, strolls across stage)

VINNIE - (Brooklyn Accent, enters, hand in pocket, as if holding 
a concealed weapon, shouts) Alright, don't make a false move or 
I'll drill you.

ANNA --- (turns) Keep your voice down, young man, you're in 
the temple of the Lord.

VINNIE - I've got a gun, lady. Don't you tell me what to do.

ANNA --- Young man, if you don't keep your voice down, you're 
going to have to leave. In fact, you're going to have to leave 


ANNA --- You're not wearing a yamulka.

VINNIE - A what?

ANNA --- A yamulka. A head covering. You can't be in the temple 
without a head covering. (pushes him toward the exit)

VINNIE - This gun is loaded, lady. I mean it.

ANNA --- Out! Out! Out! 

VINNIE - But...

ANNA --- Out! Out! Out!

VINNIE - (Backs toward exit) Alright, but when I come back, 
you're in big trouble, lady. (exits)

ANNA --- (Turns, strolls, shakes head) Mashuguna.

VINNIE - (Enters, wearing skull cap) Alright, lady, I've got a 
hat on. Now you're in big trouble.

ANNA --- It's not a hat. It's a yamulka.

VINNIE - Look, lady, you're really making me mad here. This gun 
is really loaded.

ANNA --- Yeah, so?

VINNIE - So, I could drop you like a bad habit.

ANNA --- You what?

VINNIE - I said I... oh nevermind. Just tell me what I want to 

ANNA --- Alright.

VINNIE - (pause) Well?

ANNA --- Well, what?

VINNIE - Tell me what I want to know.

ANNA --- You haven't told me what you want to know.

VINNIE - Oh. Yeah. Ah, King Herod sent me to find a guy who 
claims to be the messiah. He says a prophet named Anna knows 
where he is.

ANNA --- Okay.

VINNIE - Okay what? Tell me where she is.

ANNA --- She's right here.

VINNIE - (Turns, as if threatened) Where?

ANNA --- Right here. (points to self)

VINNIE - You? You're Anna?!

ANNA --- Yes. 

VINNIE - But, you're so... OLD.

ANNA --- What gave you the first clue, Einstein.

VINNIE - Don't you insult me, lady, or I'll drop you right where 
you stand.

ANNA --- Okay.

VINNIE - Okay? You ain't scared?

ANNA --- No, I'm ready to die now. 

VINNIE - You are?

ANNA --- Yes, I am.

VINNIE - Look, lady, nobody is ready to die.

ANNA --- I am very old and I have done everything the Lord told 
me to do. I am ready to die.

VINNIE - Oh. So, you're not afraid of this gun, heh?

ANNA --- No.

VINNIE - Oh. Okay, so, can you tell me something anyway?

ANNA --- I can tell you that you're stupid.

VINNIE - Don't you insult me lady, or I'll plug you.

ANNA --- Okay.

VINNIE - Oh, man! Why can't you be just a little scared?

ANNA --- Because I'm ready to die. I have seen the messiah.

VINNIE - Hey, that's what I wanted to know!

ANNA --- All you had to do is ask.

VINNIE - Oh. Yeah. So, where is he?

ANNA --- He just left. You just missed him.

VINNIE - Oh, man! I hate when that happens. Which way did he go?

ANNA --- Out the door.

VINNIE - I know he went out the door, lady. Do you think I'm 

ANNA --- Yes.

VINNIE - Why, you, I should blast you. Did he say where he was 

ANNA --- No.

VINNIE - Well, what did he say?

ANNA --- Nothing.

VINNIE - Don't lie to me, lady.

ANNA --- I'm not lying. He was asleep when he left.

VINNIE - Right. The messiah was sleep walking.

ANNA --- He wasn't walking.

VINNIE - Well, how did he leave?

ANNA --- His mother carried him.

VINNIE - I ought drop you right now.

ANNA --- Okay.

VINNIE - Do you really expect me to believe that the messiah was 
carried out of here by an old lady?

ANNA --- His mother is only 16 years old.

VINNIE - Oh, right! Now you're trying to fool me into thinking 
that the messiah is just a baby.

ANNA --- He is. His parents just came to the temple to give the 
sacrifice for a first born son.

VINNIE - Don't hand me that. Everybody knows that the messiah is 
supposed to ride into town on a white horse and liberate 

ANNA --- He will. In about 2000 years.

VINNIE - That's it. You're as good as buzzard bait. No wait. 
I'll bet you can tell me where he was going.

ANNA --- Yes. They knew you were coming and they went into 

VINNIE - How did they know I was coming?

ANNA --- I told them.

VINNIE - How did you know? You don't know me from Adam.

ANNA --- I'm a prophet, remember?

VINNIE - Oh, yeah. Alright, lady, tell me where they went.

ANNA --- No.

VINNIE - You wanna die, lady?

ANNA --- Alright.

VINNIE - Aw, man! That's okay, I don't need you. I can figure 
this out myself. Let's see. The messiah is in the line of David. 
That means he's going home to Bethlehem. That's only about 8 
miles from here. If he just left, I can catch up with him on the 
road to Bethlehem, and punch his ticket.

ANNA --- They're not going back to Bethlehem.

VINNIE - (exiting wrong way) Nice try, lady. But you can't make 
a fool out of me.

ANNA --- No, you do a pretty good job of that yourself. That's 
the closet. (strolls to other exit smiling)

VINNIE - (from offstage) I knew that. I was just looking in here 
to see if he was hiding in here. (knocks on door) Hey, lady, can 
you unlock the door? Lady? Hello? Is anybody out there. 
Hellllooooo! Anybody?

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.  email: [email protected]