MEEK     3'4m0f The meek shall inherit Southern California.

(birds and crickets)

JESUS -- Blessed are the [meek], for they will inherit the earth.

(high tech transition sound, low rumbling crowd sounds)

BAILIFF -- Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. This hearing will now come 
order. The honorable Judge Herman Johnson presiding. All rise.

(feet shuffling and chair dragging, gavel, knock, knock, knock)

JUDGE -- Be seated.

(feet shuffling and chair dragging)

This special session of probate court in and for the state of 
California is for the purpose of dividing the assets of Southern 
California should the meek suddenly inherit the earth.

LEROY -- (a hillbilly, afar) I'll take Disneyland.

(knock, knock, knock)

JUDGE -- Order in the court.

LEROY -- (approaching) I just gave you my order. I said, I'll 
take Disneyland.

JUDGE -- (knock, knock, knock) You can't just come in here and 
claim Disneyland.

LEROY -- Oh, I'm sorry.

JUDGE -- That's more like it.

LEROY -- I didn't know that Disneyland was already spoken for. 
Can I have Knott's Berry Farm?

JUDGE -- No!

LEROY -- Is Universal Studios available?

JUDGE -- Yes. No. Yes.

LEROY -- Well, which is it?

JUDGE -- You can't just walk into a probate hearing and claim 
Universal Studios. You have to qualify.

LEROY -- Oh! Well, in that case, put me down for Universal 

JUDGE -- And how do you think you qualify for Universal Studios?

LEROY -- Ah, what do you have to do to qualify?

JUDGE -- You have to be meek.

LEROY -- Oh! meek!

JUDGE -- Yes, meek.

LEROY -- Well, then sign me up. I'm the meekest guy around.

JUDGE -- You're boasting about how meek you are?

LEROY -- Heck ya. I'm the lowest of the low. I am a mouse. I am 
a rug that people wipe their feet on. I am the dregs. I am a 
loser. I am a bottom dweller. When you look up weak in the 
dictionary, you'll find a picture of me. I am a...

JUDGE -- I hate to interrupt your litany, but that's not meek.

LEROY -- It isn't?

JUDGE -- No. Meek is not weak.

LEROY -- No kidding. I mean, I knew that. But, just so I know we 
both agree. You tell me what you think meek is.

JUDGE -- Meek is being like Jesus.

LEROY -- Wull, I can be like Jesus.

JUDGE -- Jesus set aside his own interests.

LEROY -- Hey, I set aside my own interests all the time.

JUDGE -- He lived for the interests of others.

LEROY -- Hey, the interests of others is all I ever think about.

JUDGE -- He died for others.

LEROY -- Oh. Maybe I was just a little too ambitious about 
looking after the interests of others. I could do without 
Universal Studios. But I could negotiate for... say... Six Flags 
Magic Mountain?

JUDGE -- Meek is not weak.

LEROY -- Okay, okay. I'd settle for a mall, as long as it has an 

JUDGE -- Bailiff, show this man out.

LEROY -- (fading) I'll take a strip mall. There's lots of strip 
malls with arcades. 

JUDGE -- Out.

(door open)

LEROY -- (afar) I'll even accept a video store.

(door close)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.  email: [email protected]