BACK TABLOID 4'3m?f A sleazy newspaper looks at Sodom & Gomorrah EDITOR -- (background mumbling, shuffling) Okay, let's get this meeting started. FRED -- You want another doughnut, Ed? EDITOR -- No, thanks. Okay, now let's talk about the cover story for our next issue. NED -- I've got a great story about a couple from Canaan who were abducted by an alien. EDITOR -- I don't know, we've done alien abductions on 13 of the last 22 cover stories, Ned. Let's go for something fresh. FRED -- How about a prediction from a psychic. Those cover stories always sell our tabloid. EDITOR -- Hey, hey! We are not a tabloid, Fred. We are a legitimate weekly newspaper. ALL -- (laugh) FRED -- Yeah, right. NED -- I'm sure. EDITOR -- Alright, let's get serious. We are the number one selling supermarket newspaper in Babylon. And how did we get so big? NED -- By scrupulously avoiding real news? FRED -- By inventing the news? EDITOR -- No! By keeping our news fresh and meaty. So, let's hear some other ideas for the cover this week. FRED -- How about the amazing new cottage cheese diet? EDITOR -- We ran that last winter. NED -- And the winter before that. Besides, noone ever loses weight on those diets. FRED -- Yeah, but they sell newspapers. EDITOR -- Come on, guys, the deadline is approaching fast. What's a fresh, meaty cover story? NED -- How about the twins separated at birth, then reunited 43 years later? FRED -- That never came over the wires. When did that happen? NED -- It didn't. I just made it up. EDITOR -- Now, that's the kind of creative journalism that will keep us on top of the industry. Fred, you got anything that good? FRED -- Yeah, I think you'll like this one. EDITOR -- Well, make it fast. Deadline is staring us in the face and an so far all we have is another twins story. FRED -- Okay, this uncle and his nephew go their separated ways. The uncle, named Abraham, stays in Canaan, while the nephew, named Lot takes his family to live in, get this, Sodom and Gomorrah. NED -- (yelp) The twin sin cities. I like this one already. EDITOR -- You got any photos to run with this story? FRED -- I'm sure we do, but it gets better. Okay, so, God visits Abraham and warns him that because there's so much sin in Sodom and Gomorrah, he's going to destroy both cities. NED -- (whistles) You got a headline in mind for this one? EDITOR -- We'll talk about a headline later. Let, Fred finish the story. FRED -- Angels convince Lot and his family to move out of town just as fire begins to rain down from the the sky and burn both cities to a crisp. Meanwhile, the angels have warned Lot's wife not to turn back toward the city while they're fleeing for their lives. NED -- But she does anyway. Right? FRED -- Right. But, the moment she turns around, she turns into a pillar of salt. NED -- Wow, what a story. Is it true? FRED -- Every word. I confirmed it with two separate groups of itinerant merchants who went through the area and saw the ruins, still smoking. A couple of them even saw the pillar of salt. NED -- Well, what do you think, Ed? Do we have a cover story here or what?! EDITOR -- No way we can touch the story. NED -- What? FRED -- But, why? EDITOR -- First of all. It really happened. We didn't get to be number one by dealing in reality. And second. It's too fantastic. Who'd believe it? We'll run an alien abduction for this week's cover. Meeting adjourned. ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected]bsnook.org BACK |