BACK SOLOMON 5'2m?f An interview with Solomon on values. FRED ---- Good evening and welcome to Open Forum, the talk show that interviews the brightest thinkers and greatest successes in history. I'm your host, Fred Thompson. Tonight's guest is both THE brightest thinker in history AND THE greatest success of all time. I am speaking, of course, of none other than King Solomon. Welcome to Open Forum, your majesty. SOLOMON - Thanks, Fred. FRED ---- I must admit that I have been looking forward to this interview with great anticipation, since my producer first announced that you agreed to come on the program. SOLOMON - Well, it's a pleasure to be here. FRED ---- I understand you're coming out with a new book shortly, your majesty. SOLOMON - Yes, the book is called Ecclesiastes. FRED ---- Well, as impressed as I was with your book of Proverbs and that very sensual book called Song of Songs, I must say I'm really looking forward to your new one. We'll talk about your new book at the end of the show. But right now, I have a list of questions as long as my arm about King Solomon, the man. Let's talk first about your lavish lifestyle. Is it true you have 700 wives and hundreds of concubines? SOLOMON - Yes, Fred, it's true. FRED ---- So, tell our listeners, how do you decide which wife you will spend the night with. SOLOMON - I don't. FRED ---- You don't? SOLOMON - Not anymore. FRED ---- May we ask why? SOLOMON - It was all for pleasure. And pleasure is meaningless. FRED ---- Meaningless. SOLOMON - Yeah, meaningless. It doesn't lead anywhere. There are no lasting results. Pleasure is meaningless. FRED ---- But, your majesty, among your wives are some of the most beautiful women in the world. SOLOMON - Beauty is meaningless too. It doesn't lead anywhere. There are no lasting results from it. Beauty is absolutely meaningless. FRED ---- You'll pardon me, your majesty, but you don't sound like the same man who wrote Song of Songs, that so poetically described the physical pleasure of the marriage relationship. SOLOMON - Meaningless. All of it. I'm sorry I published such drivel. FRED ---- Oh, dear. SOLOMON - What's that matter? FRED ---- Well, about half of the questions I have written here are about your wives and your lifestyle. SOLOMON - Meaningless. All of it. FRED ---- Yes, well, let's move on to some more serious pursuits. You have reached the pinnacle of your career. You are the most respected, the most revered man in the world. It is said that even the Queen of Sheba paid homage to you. Is that true? SOLOMON - Yes, it is, Fred. FRED ---- Well, how does it feel to be the most important man in the world? SOLOMON - Achievement is meaningless. FRED ---- Meaningless. SOLOMON - It's all meaningless, Fred. The status, the importance, the advancement, all of it. Meaningless. FRED ---- Uh huh. Well... there goes another ten questions. Well, let's see here, according to historians, early in your career, when the Lord told you that you could have ANYTHING you want, you chose wisdom. Now, scientists and scholars from all over the world come to seek your wisdom. SOLOMON - Meaningless. FRED ---- Wisdom is... SOLOMON - Meaningless. That's right. I've spent a lifetime accumulating wisdom and when I croak, my wisdom will be gone. FRED ---- But you worked so hard to put your wisdom down on paper. What about your books? What about the book of Proverbs and your new book... SOLOMON - Ecclesiastes. Meaningless tripe. All of it. Wisdom and 50 cents will by you a cup of coffee at McDonald's. FRED ---- Is there no redeeming value in all the work you went through to write all those books? SOLOMON - Toil. Toil is meaningless. Why make the effort? FRED ---- Oh, dear. SOLOMON - What's the matter now? FRED ---- The rest of my questions were about your books. I'm out of questions. Isn't there anything that isn't meaningless? SOLOMON - Nope. FRED ---- This is depressing. SOLOMON - Why? FRED ---- Well, you just wrote off everything on Earth as meaningless. SOLOMON - Boy, you got that right. FRED ---- You sound happy about it. SOLOMON - I am. FRED ---- But why? SOLOMON - I only have to spend a few years on earth in this frustrating meaninglessness, then I get to spend the rest of eternity with my Lord. FRED ---- Well, now that you've eliminated all my questions, let's spend the rest of the hour talking about your new book. I believe you called it Ecclesiastes. SOLOMON - Let's not bother. It's just a meaningless book. FRED ---- How did I know you were going to say that? ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |