BACK REUNION 8'1m0f Fearing death, Jacob tries to buy off Esau (phone dialing beeps) JACOB -- Hello, Mildred's Florist? Yeah, hi, Mildred, this is Jacob, Isaac's boy. Yeah it has been a long time. Listen, Mildred, I need to... Twenty years? Has it been that long? Where? I was at my uncle Laban's place. Tending sheep, mostly. Yeah. Listen, Mildred, I'm really in a bind here. You still sell roses don't you? Good. Could you package up 2 dozen roses right away... No, make that 4 dozen... long stemmed roses, Mildred. She? Oh, no, these aren't for a woman, Mildred. I'm married now. Her name? Rachel. Well, I'm also married to her sister Leah. It's a little hard to explain, Mildred. Listen, I really need those roses fast. Yes, Mildred, I have children. Twelve of them. Well, it wasn't my idea to have so many children, Mildred. It was kind of a competition thing between my wives. I know that sounds like a lot of children, Milded, but they didn't do it alone. Yeah, they had help. It's a little hard to explain, Mildred. Maybe we could take about it next time I'm in town... Okay, Mildred, if you must know, my wives each have a maidservant. I had some children by them too. See? I knew you wouldn't understand, Mildred. Listen, you just package up those roses and I'll send someone... Yes, Mildred, I already knew my brother Esau was back in town. That's who the roses are for. Why roses? Well, it's a little hard to explain, Mildred. The reason I left town in a hurry 20 years ago was because Esau was mad at me. The roses are a kind of a peace offering... Excuse me? Mildred, I really don't have time... Alright, I'll tell, you. He was jealous. Listen, I'm going to send my wife over to pick up the roses. Can you have them ready in five minutes? Would you mind if we talk about this later, Mil... Okay Mildred, I'll tell you, but time is awastin' here. I can see my brother across the valley and he's headed this way. Yes, Mildred, he still has red hair... all over his body. Mildred are you packaging those roses? Because I would hate to... Good... why Esau is jealous... Well, it turns out I'm inheriting twice as much from our father as my brother is. Yes, he IS the oldest, but... Yes, he should have gotten the larger share but, see, he sold it to me. How much? How are those roses coming, Mildred? He's headed this way. He'll be here soo... Alright, if you must know, Mildred, I caught Esau in a moment of weakness and bought his inheritance for a bowl of stew. That's right, Mildred, I said stew. Listen, I have to get off the phone now. I have to call my wife and have her pick up the roses and deliver them to Esau before he makes me into a grease spot on a rock somewhere. Alright, yes, Mildred, if you must know, there was something else that got him mad at me. But it wasn't my fault. My father gave me the blessing that Esau was supposed to receive. Now I'm in the line of the Messiah and Esau will live among the rocks... Listen, Mildred, I really have to go. I have to call... Yes, I promise I'll can you back as soon as I'm done. Yeah, thanks, Mildred. Goodbye. (phone dialing beeps) Hello, Rachel? Yeah, it's Jacob. Listen, Hun, I need to have you stop by Mildred's Flower Shop and pick up the 4 dozen roses I ordered for my brother. Thanks, Rachel. Well, I was sort of hoping YOU would deliver them to Esau. Well, I suppose he could be mad enough at me to kill you, but it's not very... Alright, Rachel, calm down. I tell you what. If it would make you feel safer, take the kids along with you. That should soften him up. Well, I suppose there's a chance that he could be mad enough to kill you all. Well, if would make you feel better, take Leah and her kids along too. Have the young ones hug and kiss him. They're cute. I'm sure he'd never... Well, I suppose there's always a chance that he could be mad enough at me... Yes, Rachel, he DID promise to kill me, but that was years ago. I tell you what. I'll call down to the sheep pens and have the shepherds count out 2000 sheep for you to give Esau. How could he hurt a woman who just gave him 2000 sheep? Well, I suppose there's a chance he could be mad enough to kill all of you AND the sheep too, but... Well, if it will make you feel better, send the two maid servants and all the kids ahead of you. Me? Oh, I couldn't possibly deliver the flowers, Rachel. Why? Why. Because I have to... prepare a feast for Esau when he gets here. Yeah, that's it. I have to prepare a feast. So, you... Well, I suppose there's a chance that he'll be mad enough to kill all the women and children, Rachel, but... Alright, if it will make you feel better, Rachel, I'll call down to my camel drivers and have them deliver half of my gold and silver to Esau before you get there. How's that? Then I'll owe you one, that's right, dear. Another baby? Don't I have enough children? I do, but YOU don't. I think I understand. Listen, Rachel, we'll talk about this later. Right now, you have some roses to deliver and I have to call the shepherds and camel drivers. Okay? Thanks, hun. Kiss kiss. (phone dialing beeps) Hello, Harold? Yeah, this is Jacob. Listen, Harold, I need to have you count out 2000 sheep and drive them over to my brother Esau, before he gets here. Yeah BEFORE he gets here. Can you do that? Good Thanks, Harold. (phone dialing beeps) Hello, Omar? This is Jacob. Listen, I'm in a bind here and I need to have you drive half the camels loaded with the gold and silver to my brother before he gets here. Can you do that right away? Good. Thanks, Omar. Oh, and oh, by the way, Omar, tell my brother what a great guy I am, huh? You're a jewel, Omar. Excuse me? Yes, this is the one with the red hair, why? Reputation? What reputation? Well, I suppose there's a chance that Esau could reject the gifts... but... Well, I suppose there's an outside chance that he could be mad enough to kill you, but, hey... A pay raise? Ah, sure. Why not. If I'm still alive when this is all over, you can have a pay raise. Good. Thanks, Omar. Goodbye. (hang up, ring) Hello. Oh, ah, yes, Mildred, ah, I was going to call you right back, but I just had to make a few more phone.... Mildred, my brother is coming to kill me. Could we just put off this.... Well, if you must know, Mildred, it wasn't really a mistake. I dressed up to look like my brother when my dad was ready to give the blessing to Esau. Alright, if you want to put it that way, Mildred, I tricked him. Is it so bad that I wanted to be in the line of the messiah that I tricked my father? It is. Well, then, I'm sorry, I... Well, yes, I suppose the Lord could have chosen the second born son to be in the line of the messiah. I hadn't thought of that. Yes, Mildred, God can do anything. Well, yes, including protect me from my brother. Well, yes, I still want to send the roses. Mildred. Don't you have them ready yet? He'll be here any minute. Well, yes, Mildred, I suppose if the Lord wants me dead, roses and gifts won't keep me alive. And, yes, if the Lord wants me alive, even Esau is no threat. So, you think I might have wasted all those sheep and all that gold? Mildred, I've got to go. Why? I have to cancel 2000 sheep and half of my gold. By the way, Mildred, cancel the roses. Too late? What do you mean it's too late? Already delivered. The sheep too? Not the gold too! (cries) (knock, knock, knock) Š2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK