RAHAB    5'3m1f Rahab protects two Hebrew spies in Jericho

RAHAB -- (door open) Howdy, boys, welcome to Madame Rahab's 
Cat House. I'm Madame Rahab. Come right in.

ELI ---- (Yiddish accent) Howdy, mam, don't mind if we do. My 
name is Elrrroy. And this is my sidekick Lerrroy. Come on in, 
Lerrroy. (door close)

LEVI --- (Yiddish accent) Howdy, mam. That sure is a nice dress 
you're almost wearing.

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) not to 
talk dirrrty (whack) to de women folk, Lerrroy? (whack) You have 
to excuse mine sidekick herrre, mam. He's been out on the 
rrrange too lonG und he's lost his manners.

RAHAB -- You boys ain't from around here, are you?

ELI ---- We surrre arrre, mam.   

LEVI --- Werrre from Egypt.

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) I do 
de talkinG?!

RAHAB -- You two is Hebrews, ain't you?

ELI ---- No, mam.            

LEVI --- How did she know?

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) I do 
de talkinG?! We don't know nothin' 'bout no Hebrews, mam.

RAHAB -- It don't matter to me one way or 'tother, boys. 
Everbody's welcome here at Madame Rahab's.

LEVI --- Maybe, ve should tell, her, Eli.

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) not to 
call me Eli (whack) in front of strrraangers?! (whack)

RAHAB -- It's okay, boys, your secret is safe with me. What are 
you doin' in Jericho?

ELI ---- Ve vas just a mosyin' on through, mam.   

LEVI --- Ve came to spy on de promised land.

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) not to 
tell people vhat ve're doinG here?! (whack)

RAHAB -- Everybody in Jericho has heard about the way your god 
opened up the Red Sea and let you pass on dry land, then he 
drowned them Egyptians.

ELI ---- Madame Rahab, please don't tell nobody about us? Ve 
arrre at yourrr merrrcy.

LEVI --- She surrre has a nice pair of....

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) that 
ve areee not herrre forrr dat sort of thing (whack)?!

RAHAB -- Listen, boys, I don't want no trouble. Your god ain't 
like no other god I ever seen before. He don't just sit there 
and look at you from up on some shelf. He's a powerful god. So, 
if you two will put in a good word for me with your god, I'll 
help you spy out the land. You promise not to harm me and my 

ELI ---- Honest injun, Madame Rahab. Vhen ve conquer Jericho, ve 
vill leave yourrr house untouched.

LEVI --- Vhen do ve get to go into de back room with the...

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) ve're 
not here for that schtick.(whack) 

(knock, knock, knock, knock)

RAHAB -- (whispers) That must be the sheriff. Somebody seen you 
come in here. Quickly, you two, up on the roof, hide under the 
pile of rags.

ELI ---- (whispers) Quickly, Levi, up the ladder!

LEVI --- (afar, whispers) Then do we get to go into the back 

ELI ---- (afar, whispers) How many times (whack) I got to tell 
you (whack) we ain't herrre for that?! (whack)

(door open) 

RAHAB -- Howdy, sheriff, what brings you out at this 
time of night?

SHERIFF- One of your neighbors reported seein' a couple of them 
Hebrews in the neighborhood. You seen 'em?

RAHAB -- Why, yes, sheriff, they was a couple of boys in here 
claimed they was from Egypt, but they was in and outa here in no 
time. If they was Hebrews, I speck they's headed for the hills 
by now.

SHERIFF- Which was was they headed?

RAHAB -- I don't ask you where you're headed after you leave 
here, do I, sheriff?

SHERIFF- Shshshsh. (whispers) You don't have to talk so loud do 
ya, hun? (aloud) Well, I speck if they came up from Egypt, they 
went thataway. I'll send a posse after 'em. Good night.

RAHAB -- Good night, Sheriff. 

(door close) 

(whispers) Okay, boys, you can come down now.

ELI ---- (approaching) We arrre much obliged to you, Madame 

RAHAB -- You'd better use a rope to lower yourselves to the 
ground from my window. Then head west. The sheriff is sending 
his posse north.

ELI ---- Our lord will trrreat you kindly, Madame Rahab. He may 
even put you into the line of the messiah. You go first, Levi.

LEVI --- (afar) If the Lord don't put you into the line of the 
messiah, I'll put you into mine.

ELI ---- How many times (whack) I got to tell you (whack) not to 
talk to de women folk that way?! (whack)

LEVI --- (afar, fading) Aaaaah!


ELI ---- Looks like I von't have to tell him no more.

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