BACK NAAMAN 6'1m1f Elisha cures Naaman's leprosy, refuses reward (knock, knock, knock, door open) ALICE --- (hussy) I'm sorry, we gave at the office... Well! Aren't you a big boy! NAAMAN -- (manly man) I thought the prophet Elisha would be a man. You're not a man. ALICE --- I'm glad you noticed, big guy. You're not so bad looking yourself. NAAMAN -- Well, are you Elisha or not? ALICE --- Not. Say, with shoulders like that, I'll bet you're either a wrestler or a shot putter. NAAMAN -- I'm neither. I'm the commander of King Aram's army. Who are you? ALICE --- Well! I've heard of you! You're one of the most famous military strategists in the world. My mother always said that I would do well do marry a soldier. My name is Alice. I'm Elisha's housekeeper. And your name is right on the tip of my tongue. NAAMAN -- Can I talk to Elisha. He's expecting me. ALICE --- What's your hurry, big fella. Elisha is not nearly as good looking as me. So, what was your name again, gorgeous? NAAMAN -- Naaman. My name is Naaman. Can you please tell him it's me. He's expecting me. ALICE --- He asked me never to disturb him when he's praying and he's praying all day. NAAMAN -- But he's expecting me. Listen, this won't take long. I'm not going to spend the night or anything. Can you just ask him to come to the door? ALICE --- I can, but I can't tell you right now, he's not coming. So, why don't you and me get acquainted? NAAMAN -- But he's GOT to see me! He promised! ALICE --- Hey, don't get your shorts in a bunch, big guy. Alright, alright, I'll ask him. I'll just tell him Commander Naaman is at the door. It might help if I tell him why you're here. Do you want him to prophecy your future? He's a prophet, you know. He's real good at telling the future. Maybe matrimony is in your future... NAAMAN -- Just tell him I have leprosy. ALICE --- On the other hand, marriage isn't for everyone. I'll be right back. You stay outside. (door close, knock, knock, knock) NAAMAN -- Please don't lock me out. Elisha! Elisha! If you can hear me in there, please come out and cure me. (door open) ALICE --- Keep your voice down. Do you want the neighbors to know that we've got a leper at our door? NAAMAN -- Did you tell him I was here? Will he cure my (whispers) leprosy? ALICE --- He says it's a piece of cake. He says the Lord can do anything. Say, you should have told me about the leprosy right away. I mean, that stuff is contagious, you know... NAAMAN -- Listen, I hate to be rude, but I drove my chariot a hundred miles to get here. When is he coming out here to cure me? ALICE --- Getting a little testy, are we? Alright, Mr high and might army commander, the boss is still praying, like I said, so he won't see you today. NAAMAN -- (agitated) But how am I going to get cured if he... ALICE --- Cool your jets. I was coming to that. The boss says to go wash yourself in the Jordan River. NAAMAN -- That's it? That's what I drove a hundred miles for? To wash myself in a dirty river. I could have done that back home. If fact the rivers back home are cleaner than the Jordan. (afar) I'm out of here. ALICE --- It's not the washing or the river that will cure you, bone head. NAAMAN -- (afar) What? ALICE --- It's the obedience. NAAMAN -- (approaching) What are you talking about? ALICE --- You're a big smart military commander and you can't even follow a simple order from the Lord? Would you have preferred to do something tougher, like pat you head and rub your tummy at the same time? NAAMAN -- I get your point. Alright, what do I have to lose? I'll try it. I'll wash in the Jordan River. ALICE --- Seven times. NAAMAN -- Seven times!? ALICE --- Hey, it's your leprosy, if you'd rather pat your head and rub your tummy... NAAMAN -- Alright, alright, I'll wash, I'll wash exactly seven times in the Jordan River. No more, no less. (fading) I'll see you later. ALICE --- (shouting) Yeah, maybe if you get cured you and I can... (normal) Hey, wait a minute. What am I saying? What if he doesn't get cured? He kills people for a living. (door close, knock, knock, knock) (muted) Listen, Commander Naaman, if you didn't get cured, it wasn't my fault. NAAMAN -- It worked! It worked! My leprosy is gone! Praise the Lord God of Israel! (door open) ALICE --- I never had a doubt about it. So, Naaman, baby, how about you and me... NAAMAN -- May I see the prophet Elisha? I want to give him this gold and silver. ALICE --- Well, say, if it's gold and silver you're giving away, I'll be glad to take it off your hands. Elisha doesn't accept gifts for doing miracles, but I'm a bit more flexible on the subject. I'm sure I can find some needy people to give it to. NAAMAN -- Alright, then, here you are. (afar) See you later. ALICE --- On the other hand needy people are so... needy. What would they do with all this gold and silver, anyway. They'd just blow it on food and clothing. NAAMAN -- (approaching) While I'm giving to the needy, I should probably give this bolt of beautiful purple cloth. The poor can always use some... ALICE --- What... What's the matter? NAAMAN -- Oh, nothing. Oh, say, will you look at the time. I have to be going. ALICE --- What. You saw something. What did you see? Is it my face? What. NAAMAN -- (afar) Listen, I just got rid of my leprosy. I'd better keep my distance. ALICE --- Leprosy? You mean I've got leprosy? NAAMAN -- (afar) Listen, I'm really sorry if your caught leprosy from me, but I really have to be going. ALICE --- No wait! I didn't catch it from you. Elisha gave it to me for taking gifts from you. Here take them back. NAAMAN -- (afar) Right. You want me to touch them after you touched them. Well, I have an army to run, some battles to win. See ya. ALICE --- (fading) Wait a minute. I can wash the gold. Or better yet, I'll just put it into your chariot for you. You won't have to touch it at all. NAAMAN -- (fading) Sorry. Hyah! Gitty up, horses, Hyah! ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |