BACK ENDOR 5'1m1f King Saul seeks advice from the witch of Endor NATASHA -- (knock, knock, knock, door opens, Romanian gypsy) Yes? SAUL ----- Good evening. I want you to tell my fortune. Can I come in? NATASHA -- Not so fast, therrre, big boy. I think you have the wrrronG house. I don't do forrrtunes. SAUL ----- But aren't you the witch of Endor? NATASHA -- Sorrry, darrrlinG, I do manicures and pedicures. Come back when you need yourrr nails done. (door close, knock, knock, knock, door open) Yes? SAUL ----- I hate to be a pest, but if this is Endor, and yours is the only house in town, you have to be the witch of Endor. NATASHA -- Sorry, darrrlinG, KinG Saul has outlawed forrrtune tellerrrs in Isrrrael. Good night. (door close, knock, knock, knock, door open) What is it now? SAUL ----- Please, I'm desperate. My God has turned his back on me. I have nowhere else to turn. NATASHA -- Arrre you trrrying to trrrap me, big boy? SAUL ----- No, I swear. I need guidance. My God won't speak to me in dreams or by the prophets anymore. Please help me. NATASHA -- Alright, darrrling, but if you rrreporrrt me to the KinG Saul, I'll... Say, big boy, you look a lot like King Saul. Yes... If you werrren't wearrring those rrrags, if you were wearrring rrroyal purrrple rrrobes and gold jewelrrry... Yes... you look a lot like King Saul. Sorry, I don't do forrrtunes. (door close, knock, knock, knock, door open) Yes? SAUL ----- Please let me in. NATASHA -- Sorry, if you'rrre not herrre to have yourrr nails done... SAUL ----- Please, I'm not King Saul. I just need to have you call up the spirits for me. Then, I'll go. I promise, you will not be punished for this. NATASHA -- Vell, alright, darrrlinG, come in. I vill call up just one spirit forrr you, then you must go. Who did you want to speak to? SAUL ----- Samuel. NATASHA -- Samuel? The prrrophet Samuel? SAUL ----- Yes. NATASHA -- He's dead. SAUL ----- Well, yes, of course. If he was alive, I wouldn't need you. So, call you call up Samuel's spirit for me? NATASHA -- Yes, darrrlinG, but there vas just the matterrr of my fee. Since you need this so badly, I vas thinkinG somewherrre in the neighborhood of... (klink, klink, klink, klink) Oooo, now that's a nice neighborhood! 200 talents vill be just fine. Come in and sit down, darrrlinG. I vas just thinking of cancelling my appointments for the rrrest of the night. I know lots of spirrrits you could speak to. SAUL ----- No, I just need to talk to Samuel. NATASHA -- Very vell, darrrlinG. Let me go into my trance and.... yoooong anggg... g g g g g... SAUL ----- Are you alright? NATASHA -- I'm fine, darrrlinG. Please sit down, while I go into my trance. I must go through this to bring up the spirits... yoooong anggg.... g g g g g... (deep, old voice) Saul... KinG Saul... vhy do you disturrrb me in my grave? SAUL ----- Is that you, Samuel? NATASHA -- (normal voice) So, you ARE King Saul. I'm tellinG you, it's getting so a perrrson can't trrrust nobody nomorrre. Get out. Out! SAUL ----- No, please, you're in no danger. I swear. I will personally see to it that noone punishes you for this. Please continue. Please? NATASHA -- Verrry vell, yourrr majesty, I vill go back into my trance.... Yoooong aaannggg g g g g g... (deep, old voice) King Saul, you schlimeal, Vhat do you want from me? SAUL ----- Samuel, I am in great distress. The Philistines are near victory in their fight against us. The Lord won't talk to me anymore. I need you to tell me what to do against the Philistines, just like you used to. NATASHA -- (deep, old voice) You'll get no help frrrom me, you disobedient jerrrk. The Lorrrd has turrrned his back on you because you refused to obey him and wipe out the wicked Amalekites. Now you shall sufferrr the consequences. Yourrr arrrmy shall be defeated and you and yourrr thrrree son shall die in the battle. Now, leave me alone and let me sleep. SAUL ----- You mean, I'm as good as dead? NATASHA -- (deep, old voice) Beforrre you die, big boy, give the witch of Endorrr another 100 shekels. SAUL ----- Nice try. NATASHA -- (regular voice) It vas vorrrth a trrry, no? SAUL ----- I'm as good as dead. NATASHA -- Vould you like to go forrr a second opinion? I'm rrrunning a special tonight. Buy two spirrrits get one frrree. So, who vould you like to talk to? Moses? Abrrraham? Joshua? SAUL ----- No, what good would it do? They'd just tell me the same thing, that I'll die in battle, along with my three sons. NATASHA -- So, stay for dinner. SAUL ----- I AM hungry. I've been so caught up with the battle strategy with the Philistines that I haven't eaten all day. NATASHA -- Verrry good. First, ve'll starrrt off vith a cold consume', then a tossed spinach salad vith a tanGy oil and vinegarrr drrressinG, then leg of Lamb ala rrrrang and finally forrr deserrrt we have a delicate rrrasberrrry sorrrbe'. (cash register, ching, ching) that'll be 200 shekels. ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |