BACK CHARIOT 4'2m0f Elijah's chariot of fire is in for repairs (phone beeps, ring) ELIJAH - (phone distortion) Hello. DAVE --- Hello, may I speak to the prophet, please. ELIJAH - Well, there two prophets in this house. Elijah and Elisha. Which did you wish to speak to? DAVE --- The one with the chariot of fire. ELIJAH - That would be me. I'm Elijah. And who am I speaking to? DAVE --- This is Dave, down at the garage. ELIJAH - Oh, yes, Dave, is my chariot of fire ready? DAVE --- Well, actually, no, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. ELIJAH - It's not ready? But, we're already in second Kings chapter two. I have to be out of here by verse eleven. DAVE --- Yeah, well, the chariot itself is ready to go. I just had to clean the gas nozzles and adjusted the burners. That baby will take you out in a blaze of glory. ELIJAH - Well, that's all I need. DAVE --- No, the specs call for a whirlwind. But the turbos on your whirlwind booster are only operating at 54% of efficiency. Verse twelve says the whirlwind has to powerful enough to tear the clothes off the other guy. ELIJAH - Elisha. DAVE --- Gasundheit. ELIJAH - No, that's his name. Elisha is the other guy, the who tears his clothes. DAVE --- Yeah, the other guy. Anyways, you ain't got enough whirlwind in that turbo to tear a kleanex. ELIJAH - No, you don't understand. Elisha is supposed to tear his own clothes, as a symbol of mourning. DAVE --- I thought this was supposed to happen this afternoon. Nobody said nothin' about having it ready this morning. ELIJAH - No. No. I don't need the chariot of fire until this afternoon. It's Elisha who will do the mourning. DAVE --- Wait a minute. Elisha's going to use the chariot in the morning, too? That turbo needs a complete overhaul before it can make another trip. ELIJAH - No, no. Forget it. Elisha will not be using the firey chariot at all. Just have it ready for me by this afternoon. DAVE --- I can't. ELIJAH - You can't? But you said.... DAVE --- I said that the chariot of fire would be ready, such as it is. I didn't say nothin' about the firey horses. ELIJAH - What's the matter with the horses? Are they sick? Injured? What? DAVE --- Oh, the horses are fine. They're eating me out of house and stable. ELIJAH - Then, what's the problem? DAVE --- Two problems, actually. ELIJAH - Alright, so what are the two problems? DAVE --- First, fuel injectors for the horses' burners are shot. They didn't pass the smog test. They need some new pumps, seal and filters.... ELIJAH - Alright, just tell me how much. DAVE --- These are not your average injectors. Not many horses have flame throwers.... ELIJAH - How much? DAVE --- 257 shekels. ELIJAH - I'm only going to be on the chariot a few seconds.... DAVE --- Suit yourself. No injectors, no flame. Your chariot goes out in a blaze of glory but your horses just sit there and smoke. Not a very good witness. ELIJAH - Alright! Alright! Put on the injectors. Just have it done by this afternoon. Now, what about the second problem? DAVE --- It's the flame-proof saddle blankets, you know, to prevent the horses from getting scorched. The E.P.A. says they contain asbestos. They say "Those horses ain't leavin' the stable with asbestos on their loins." ELIJAH - Oh, dear. DAVE --- Now, your standard fiberglass blanket linings are 322 shekels. But, for just 89 shekels more, I can get you some deluxe organic linings, which give much better mileage. ELIJAH - What mileage? I'm only going a few miles straight up. The fiberglass will do just fine. Can I have it by this afternoon? DAVE --- Sure. But listen, while I've got it up on the rack, you might want me to put on some new wheels. Magnesium alloy chariots wheels are on special this week. (click, buzz) Hello? �2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |