BACK THERAPY 5'2m?f Peter seeks a shrink after denying Jesus (door open) SHRINK -- Peter? Come right in. Please, feel free to lie down on the couch. (door close) PETER -- Thank you, doctor. But if you don't mind, I'll just sit in this chair here. SHRINK -- Suit yourself. The important thing is just to relax. This is a safe place to express yourself, Peter. What brings you to a psychiatrist? PETER -- Well, I'm not sure. I guess my biggest problem is that my Lord died. SHRINK -- So, what you're saying is that God is dead. PETER -- Yes. I saw him die. SHRINK -- You saw God die. Uh huh. Have you had these delusions before? PETER -- Oh, this is no delusions. SHRINK -- Tell me, Peter, have you ever spent any time in a mental institution? PETER -- Absolutely not! (fading) Maybe I shouldn't have come here. SHRINK -- No, no, Peter. Please, sit down. Tell me how this all started. PETER -- Well, it all started when my family and I were fishing. SHRINK -- And were you smoking or drinking any foreign substances? PETER -- Doctor! We're orthodox Jews. We don't do things like that! SHRINK -- Uh huh. Please go on. PETER -- Well, anyway, he came along and asked me to follow him. SHRINK -- He? PETER -- Jesus. SHRINK -- I thought you were talking about God. PETER -- I was. I am. See when God became a man, it was Jesus. SHRINK -- God became a man? I see. PETER -- You haven't heard about Jesus? SHRINK -- I've been very busy. Please, go on. PETER -- Well, anyway, the first thing Jesus did was change my name. SHRINK -- Your name isn't Peter? PETER -- Oh, everybody calls me Peter now, even my mother and Father. But my name used to be Simon until Jesus changed my name to Peter. SHRINK -- So, this total stranger... PETER -- ...Jesus, uh huh... SHRINK -- ...this Jesus came up to you out of the clear blue sky and changed your name. And this was alright with you? PETER -- Yes. SHRINK -- (mutters) Uh huh, easily manipulated. Please go on. PETER -- Then, I left my family and followed Jesus. SHRINK -- So, this Jesus fellow changed your name and then asked you to follow him and you went with him, no questions asked. PETER -- Yes. SHRINK -- Uh huh. PETER -- Well, he was the son of God, after all. SHRINK -- Uh huh. Tell me more. PETER -- Well, he taught us -- me and 11 other apostles -- how to heal people, drive out demons and... SHRINK -- Drive out demons, I see. (mutters) delusions of grandeur. PETER -- Huh? SHRINK -- Please, go on. PETER -- We fed thousands of people with just a few of loaves of bread and a couple of small fish. SHRINK -- This gets better and better. PETER -- Finally, when they tried to arrest him... SHRINK -- ...they tried to arrest this man?... PETER -- ...yes... SHRINK -- (mutters) ...none too soon... PETER -- ...but then I tried to stop them: I cut off the ear of one of the temple guards. SHRINK -- (mutters) ...extremely aggressive and combative. Listen, Peter, do I have anything to fear from you? I won't have to call Security, will I? PETER -- Oh, no. The palace guards were going to arrest the messiah! I had to do something! SHRINK -- And this messiah, Jesus, he encouraged you in this aggressive behavior? PETER -- Oh, no, in fact, he told me to put away my sword. He said it was time for him to die. SHRINK -- And so he died. PETER -- Not right away. They arrested him, tortured him and then they killed him. Now they're looking for the 12 of us too. They want to kill all of us who followed him. SHRINK -- Uh huh. (mutters) Paranoid delusions. So, you've come here begging me to stop you from ending it all, eh? PETER -- Not at all. SHRINK -- Oh. Then why have you come here? PETER -- Well, after Jesus rose from the dead... SHRINK -- ...he rose from the dead... PETER -- Sure. SHRINK -- (mutters) no grasp on reality. ...please continue. After this messiah rose from the dead... PETER -- Well, I had gone back to my family and we were all out fishing, when Jesus came and made us breakfast. SHRINK -- He made you breakfast. The messiah rose from the dead and made YOU breakfast. PETER -- Well, anyway while we were eating breakfast, Jesus told me several times to "feed his sheep". SHRINK -- "Feed his sheep"? That's what he told you to do? "Feed his sheep"? PETER -- That's what he said. So, what should I do? SHRINK -- Perhaps you should feed his sheep. PETER -- But he doesn't own any sheep. SHRINK -- Uh huh. PETER -- If he doesn't own any sheep, why would he tell me.... (snaps fingers) That's it! SHRINK -- Excuse me? PETER -- The Psalms of David always talk about God's people as sheep. Jesus wants me to teach his people and nurture them and guide them in the ways of the Lord. SHRINK -- Peter, I think perhaps we should schedule you for therapy sessions three times per week for at least a year. PETER -- Oh, thank you, Doctor, you've been very helpful! I know exactly what to do! Thank you! (door open) Good bye. SHRINK -- (shouting) Your welcome. Boy, am I good! ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |