BACK SNATCHER 5'2m0f Jesus' resurrection said to be body snatching ED -- (approaching) Alright, fella, I've thoroughly inspected the crime scene. Now I just need to get a statement from you. Name? FRED -- Flanigan, Fred Flanigan. You'd better make that "security officer Fred Flanigan", just in case this crime ends up in the newspapers. But you can call me Fred, since we're both crime fighters. ED -- Alright, Fred, you want to start from the beginning? FRED -- Yeah, like I said, they sneaked up behind me, whacked me over the head and stole the body. ED -- They? How many were there? FRED -- A couple. And mind you I'd have cleaned their clocks if they hadn't snuck up on me from behind and surprise me. This is probably going to make the papers, isn't it? ED -- Oh, I don't know. Body snatching is no big deal. FRED -- But, if the guy was pretty well known, it'll probably end up in the papers, don't you think? ED -- Yeah, maybe. Which way did you say the perpetrators came from? FRED -- From behind me. I didn't have a chance to defend myself. ED -- Which way were you facing? FRED -- Let's see, if I was sitting on this rock, watching the tomb, then they snuck up from behind me, from that way, there. Yeah, that's it. From that way, there. ED -- Both of them? FRED -- Yeah, both of them. ED -- If they both came up from behind you and surprised you, how could you tell how many there were? FRED -- Ah, it felt like two of them slugged me. ED -- So, you didn't see either one of them? FRED -- Well, no. ED -- So, there could have been more? FRED -- Ah, yeah, I never thought of that. There could have been more. ED -- Or less. FRED -- But probably more. ED -- Well, the wax seal on the tomb stone was broken and the stone was rolled way from the entrance. And the burial cloths were lying in a heap on the floor. FRED -- Yeah, so? ED -- So, do you want to tell me what REALLY happened? FRED -- What really happened. Let's see. These four guys jumped me and knocked me out, or I would have shown them a thing or two. ED -- Four? You said there were two. FRED -- Yeah, but they were making noises like four. I'll bet this will get into the papers now, huh? ED -- Not likely. There was no theft. FRED -- No theft? Oh, heck ya, there was maybe five or six of them and... ED -- Sorry. Try again. FRED -- What do you mean? ED -- If YOU were going to steal a body, would you take the time to unwrap it BEFORE you hauled it away and risk being described by a guard who was recovering from a head wound outside the tomb? FRED -- Oh, that! Well, let's see.... Those aren't the wrappings from the body. They must have brought some wrappings with them and dropped them in the tomb. Did I mention that there were 6 or 8 vicious thugs? ED -- Nice try. The wrappings had been soaked in burial spices. Are you saying that the thieves brought extra wrappings AND buckets of burial spices, so that the tomb would smell nice when the cops arrived? FRED -- It could happen. Did I mention that there were maybe 8 or 10 professional thugs? ED -- Are you sure you don't want to change your story? FRED -- Why. What did I miss? ED -- This is a garden that we're standing in. It was freshly cultivated on Friday before the Sabbath. There are no footprints at all in the direction you pointed to. FRED -- None? ED -- None. FRED -- Okay, so maybe dozed off a little before they got here. I have no idea which way they came from. The cowardly rats slugged a sleeping man, can you imagine that? Did I mention that there was up to a dozen hardened criminals with knives and clubs? You won't mention anything to the papers about me dozing off will you? ED -- I'll give you one more chance to get your story straight. FRED -- Alright, so maybe there was only one or two of them. Did I mention that they were both well over six feet tall? ED -- There are no footprints anywhere besides yours and mine. FRED -- Nobody's going to believe the truth. That's what they said and they were right. ED -- Who said? FRED -- The guys at the temple. They told me that nobody would believe the truth. So, I should make up a good story. So I did. I thought I did a pretty good job, too. Had you going, heh? ED -- No more lies. No more exaggerations, Just tell me what happened. FRED -- Alright, there was just one guy. And he didn't slug me at all. ED -- Alright, that's more like it! FRED -- He was an angel. ED -- Here we go again! FRED -- He rolled back the stone and unwrapped the body. ED -- Do you know what the penalty is for obstructing justice? FRED -- Did I mention that Jesus rose from the dead? ED -- (fading) Let's finish this statement down at headquarters. ED -- (afar) I told you you wouldn't believe the truth. ©2013 Bob Snook. 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