SACRIFIC 4'2m0f Joseph buys the sacrifice for his first born

(door open, bells clang, door closes)

HAROLD -- (greasy) Well, hello, there! Welcome to Sacrifices R 
Us. May I help you find a sacrifice?

JOSEPH -- Ah, yes, we just had a baby and... 

HAROLD -- Well, congratulations! Is it your first?

JOSEPH -- Yes.

HAROLD -- Boy or girl?

JOSEPH -- A boy. 

HAROLD -- Well, congratulations! Then, I suppose you came to 
Jerusalem to consecrate your first born to the Lord.

JOSEPH -- Well, yes.

HAROLD -- You're from out of town, are you?

JOSEPH -- Yes.

HAROLD -- From your accent, I'd guess you're from way out in the 
sticks near the Sea of Galilee.

JOSEPH -- Why, yes. Nazareth, to be exact.

HAROLD -- And you don't get to town much?

JOSEPH -- No, I'm a carpenter and my business keeps me close to 

HAROLD -- Well, welcome to town.

JOSEPH -- Thank you.

HAROLD -- It certainly is nice to shake the hand of a carpenter 
from Nazareth. My name is Harold Nilmyer. And you are...

JOSEPH -- Ah, Joseph. Nice to meet you to.

HAROLD -- So, Joseph, you need a sacrifice in keeping with 
consecrating your first born to the Lord, heh?

JOSEPH -- Ah yeah, I was thinking of two...

HAROLD -- Well, then, let me recommend these two flawless 
unspotted lambs.

(baah, baah)

Try to picture yourself leading these two little gems to the 
temple. The chief priest will certainly be impress with you. 
He'll know that you're no hick.

JOSEPH -- Well, those are nice lambs alright, but I was thinking 

HAROLD -- I can see that you are a really shrewd shopper, 
Joseph. A real sophisticate. Alright, look over here. Look at 
the shiny, healthy coat on these two one-year-old goats. 

(baah, baah)

You can't go wrong with high quality goats for your sacrifice.

JOSEPH -- Probably, not but, I was thinking....

HAROLD -- You're right, Joseph. You're absolutely right. A more 
thoughtful sacrifice and much more visible to the high priest 
would be a pair of geese.

(honk, honk)

JOSEPH -- Well....

HAROLD -- Or perhaps, though they are a little less expensive, 
how about a pair of ducks?

JOSEPH -- The Torah calls for a pair of doves.

HAROLD -- Oh. You know the Torah.

JOSEPH -- Yes. 

HAROLD -- Listen, a pair of pigeons would cost you just a tiny 
bit more and wouldn't get overlooked among all those other 
run-of-the-mill sacrifices. Look at these beautiful, colorful 

JOSEPH -- Thanks, anyway, but I'll take a pair of doves.


JOSEPH -- Yeah, I need to stick to the strict instructions of 
the Torah. After all, my son is the Messiah.

HAROLD -- I see.

JOSEPH -- (pause) So, may I see the doves?

HAROLD -- You're son is the Messiah.

JOSEPH -- Yes.

HAROLD -- But the Messiah was prophesied to be born in 

JOSEPH -- Yes.

HAROLD -- But you're from Nazareth.

JOSEPH -- Oh. He was born during the census.

HAROLD -- And?

JOSEPH -- And my family is from the line of David and so we had 
to go to Bethlehem for the census.

HAROLD -- So, you're son is really THE messiah.

JOSEPH -- Uh huh.

HAROLD -- I see.

JOSEPH -- So, can I see your selection of doves?

HAROLD -- Are you sure that a pair of doves is enough of a 
sacrifice for the firstborn messiah?

JOSEPH -- I'm quite sure.

HAROLD -- I'll go get a pair of doves for you. They're in the 
back room. I'll just be a moment.

(door open, door close, door open)

Well, here we are.

(door close)

That'll be 6 minas.

JOSEPH -- One of these doves is dead.

HAROLD -- I'm sure he's just asleep.

JOSEPH -- Birds don't sleep belly up.

HAROLD -- I'm sure you're mistaken.

JOSEPH -- The other dove has a broken wing and no tail feathers.

HAROLD -- What do you want for 6 minas?

JOSEPH -- A sacrifice to the Lord has to be a real sacrifice. It 
has to be the choicest of doves.

HAROLD -- Those are the choicest that we have.

JOSEPH -- May I see the others?

HAROLD -- Those were the last ones. Therefore, they are the 
choicest ones we have.

JOSEPH -- Well, then, I think I'll take the choicest ones...

HAROLD -- That's more like it.

JOSEPH -- From across the street.

(door open, bells clang, door close)

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