BACK PASSOVER 4'2m0f The arrangements are made for the last supper. PETER -- Oh, there he is. (shouts) Excuse me? LANCE -- (effeminate) Yes, were you talking to little old me? PETER -- Yes, ah, let's see here, ah, I'm supposed to say 'The rabbi asks: Where is the guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?' LANCE -- The rabbi... Oh, you mean Jesus! Yes, I know him! And don't think I'm not grateful. PETER -- Grateful? Grateful for what? LANCE -- Well, for obvious reasons, I don't like to repeat this, but Jesus really pulled my chestnuts out of the fire. PETER -- Excuse me? LANCE -- Do you remember the wedding in Cana a couple years ago? PETER -- Why, yes, I went to that wedding with Jesus. LANCE -- Well, I was the caterer at that wedding. And to this day I cannot imagine how I miscalculated the wine so badly. I was in a tizzy. PETER -- A tizzy. LANCE -- Yes, if it hadn't been for Jesus, I would have been persona-non-grata in Cana. I wouldn't even have been able to get myself arrested in that town. PETER -- I'm sure. LANCE -- Anyway, he turned about 120 gallons of water into wine and the wedding reception came off flawlessly, just flawlessly. PETER -- Flawlessly. LANCE -- Yes, and now I get to repay him. So, he wants to use my banquet hall upstairs? PETER -- If it's alright. LANCE -- Well, of course! How many in the party? PETER -- Twelve. No, thirteen, Jesus and his twelve apostles. LANCE -- That's it? A great big banquet room and there'll be just thirteen of you? PETER -- Ah, yes, ah, Jesus just wants it to be a... LANCE -- ... I know just an intimate little swaraj. Well, let me make a few suggestions. I make a beautifully light keesh Larane. PETER -- We'll have lamb. LANCE -- Lamb?! But lamb is so... so passe. PETER -- It's passover. We need lamb... It was lamb's blood that the Jews smeared on their door posts in Egypt before the Angel of Death passed over, remember? LANCE -- Well, then let me suggest my famous lamb kabobs, with bite size morsels of lamb, with bits of white and red onion, green and red bell peppers and artichoke hearts and those tiny little cherry tomatoes. It's very colorful and festive... PETER -- Roast lamb is what we need. Moses was very clear about that. LANCE -- Very well. Snow peas with delicate pearl onions or asparagus with hollandaise sauce? PETER -- Parsley. LANCE -- Parsley. PETER -- With salt water. As a symbol of bitterness. LANCE -- Uh huh. (pause) Then let me suggest my famous home-baked french bread, tender, moist, and flavorful inside with a light flakey crust. PETER -- We need unleavened bread. LANCE -- Unleavened bread. PETER -- Yes. At the time of passover, the Jews didn't have time to wait for their bread to rise. They had to leave Egypt in a hurry, you know. LANCE -- Well, passover is no excuse to be dull, big fellow. Let me suggest a light rose' wine, I have a perfect vintage for... PETER -- Heavy red wine... will be fine. The wine is a symbol of blood. LANCE -- You know, you're not giving me much to work with here. PETER -- We don't need much. BOTH --- It's Passover. LANCE -- I know, so you've told me. Well, there must be some way I can liven up this meal for you. PETER -- There's not much reason to celebrate. This is Jesus' last supper. LANCE -- Well! A going away party! Then, let me decorate the room for you: a few bouquets of zinnias and hydrangeas.... Balloons and streamers, perhaps? PETER -- That won't be necessary. LANCE -- Let me guess. It's Passover? PETER -- No. The fact is, Jesus is going to die tomorrow. LANCE -- Oh. PETER -- So, you'll have everything ready for us by sundown tonight? LANCE -- Yes, I'm sure I will. PETER -- Thank you. I'm sure Jesus will be very grateful. LANCE -- Say I hope you won't think I'm be too presumptuous, but who is catering the funeral? PETER -- We'll talk about it later. LANCE -- I visualize a bouquet of anthuriums and a tasteful ice sculpture as a center piece. PETER -- Later. LANCE -- Okay, Okay, so we don't have to be real fancy. How about a tray of cold cuts and some goose liver patte'? PETER -- (afar) Goodbye. LANCE -- (fading) Okay, okay. How about cream puffs with locks and bagels? Kiwi fruits are coming into season. Where are you going? We haven't talked about the sweet tray yet? ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |