BACK GOATS 4'2m0f The parable of the sheep and the goats ED -- And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's parable comes from Matthew chapter 25 beginning at verse 31. "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.... FRED -- (sheep and goats bleating in background) This is your science editor reporting live from the county fair. Can you hear me in the studio? ED -- Ah, yes, but what are you doing at the county fair? FRED -- The county fair is the sight I have chosen to make public my finding that Jesus selected the wrong animal to inherit the kingdom of heaven. ED -- Well, Mr Science Editor, just how will you accomplish this momentous task? FRED -- I am about to give an IQ test to a sheep and a goat. ED -- An IQ test. Won't they have a little trouble filling in those little boxes on the paper? FRED -- Even at this great distance from the studio, I detect some insincerity in your voice. But I will ignore it. First of all, in order to give our listeners a sense of the authenticity of these IQ tests I want them to know that I am dressed in a white lab coat and I have a clipboard clutched in my left hand. ED -- Well, you can't get much more clinical than that. FRED -- Second, I have devised a simple, yet effective method of determining the relative intelligence of each of these animals. I took two identical red delicious apples, quartered them and arranged them identically on two identical paper plates. ED -- You're making good progress. You successfully used the word IDENTICAL three times in one sentence. FRED -- Ignoring the cynical comments from the studio, I now duck between the fence rails and step into the sheep pen. I now let the sheep smell the delicious apple slices for a few seconds. Then, I bend over, place the plate on the ground and cover the plate with an inverted bucket. Next, we wait and watch for exactly fifteen seconds to see if the sheep is intelligent enough to butt the pale with his head and expose the plate with the apple slices....No. As expected, the sheep is not intelligent enough to pass our IQ test...oh man! ED -- What's the matter? FRED -- I stepped in something soft and squishy. ED -- Not very scientific for our science editor. Perhaps, you could give our listeners more precise definition of the substance you stepped in? FRED -- Very funny. I now duck between the fence rails and step into the goat pen. I now let the goat smell the delicious apple slices for a few seconds. Then, I bend over, place the plate on the ground and cover the plate with an inverted bucket. Ed -- I caution you not to turn your back on the... Fred -- (bang) Agh! ED -- Goat...What happened? FRED -- Ahhh! Oh, man! Well, as expected the goat was intelligent enough to butt the pale with his head. But I was standing in the way when he did. Oh man! ED -- What's the matter? FRED -- There's only one thing worse than stepping in it. (afar) Anybody got a paper towel? ED -- Mr Science Editor, our audience is waiting with baited breath to hear what your IQ tests have proven. FRED -- Beyond a doubt, I have proven that goats are intellectually superior to sheep. ED -- Yeah, so? FRED -- So, it should have been the goats, not the sheep, who inherit the kingdom of heaven. ED -- I now want to remind our listeners AND our science editor that Jesus was not choosing an animal to inherit the kingdom of heaven in this parable. FRED -- He wasn't? ED -- No, he wasn't. When he comes again, Jesus will separate his PEOPLE into two groups: those who put their lives in his hands and those who turned their backs on him, LIKE a shepherd separate his sheep from his goats. FRED -- You mean I ruined a brand new lab coat and a perfectly good pair of shoes for nothing? ED -- Tune in next time for another edition of Parables on Parade. FRED -- (afar) Agh! I stepped in it again. ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |