YEARS    6'2m1f A collection of secular Valentine's Day skits

                       THROUGH THE YEARS

                         Show me yours
                     HATS: He -- baseball hat on backward
                           She - pony tail in scarf.

HE --- (strolling hand in hand) Aw, what's it going to hurt?

SHE -- Mom says nice girls don't do that.

HE --- But I like you a lot. Doesn't that count?

SHE -- Daddy says you never do that kind of thing on the first

HE --- Aw come on, I won't tell anyone.

SHE -- Oh sure, that's easy for you to say. Next thing I know
it's all over school!

HE --- It'll be our secret, I swear.

SHE -- But will you respect me in the morning?

HE --- I'll respect you like crazy. I just thought this would be 
an act of trust between us, the next step in our relationship.

SHE -- Gee, I don't know.

HE --- Well, just show me yours and I'll show you mine.

SHE -- Well, alright ...

(they quickly throw their yoyos as they exit)

(lights out, music up)

                       THROUGH THE YEARS


                        HATS: He -- none
                              She - none

            SET PIECES -- Two chairs facing audience

HE & SHE -- (Enter from opposite directions, in unison) -- Taxi! 
(both open imaginary cab door step one foot in)

SHE -- (withdraws foot) Oh, you go ahead. I'm in no hurry.

HE --- (withdraws foot) No, I insist. Ladies first.

SHE -- (As she steps in, sits) Well, maybe we can share the cab.

HE --- Well, I'm going uptown.

SHE -- Hey, I live uptown.

HE --- (sitting) I get off at the Gateway towers.

SHE -- (sitting) Hey, I live in the Gateway towers.

HE --- Gateway Towers, please driver. Nice wedding, huh?

SHE -- Were you at the wedding?

HE --- Yeah, I caught the garter.

SHE -- I caught the bouquet!

(they laugh)

BOTH -- That means you and I are ... (stare out window in unison)

HE --- Are you married?

SHE -- No ...

HE --- Neither am I.

HE & SHE -- But I'd like to be. (eyes meet, look away in unison)

HE --- You like kids?

SHE -- I love kids ...

HE & SHE -- Girls.

SHE -- You too? (eyes meet, look away in unison)

HE --- Yes, I think girls appreciate music more.

SHE -- I suppose you studied music too?

HE --- Music education, actually. Were you a music major?

SHE -- Yes ... at ...

HE & SHE -- (in unison, nodding) Stanford.

SHE -- Class of 93.

HE --- 91.

(eyes meet)

SHE -- Wow, I'll bet I saw you on campus.

HE --- Maybe you knew my girl friend, Susan Whipple?

SHE -- You're going with Susan?

HE --- Oh, not anymore. She just dropped me today for a guy
she just met at the wedding. A guy named...

HE & SHE -- (pointing at one another, laughing) Tony.

HE --- So, you're available.

SHE -- And so are you.

SHE -- I can't believe how closely our backgrounds match.

HE --- We think so much alike.

SHE -- (staring into each other's eyes) No two people have more 
in common.

HE --- Listen, I don't usually work this fast. But for some 
reason, I....

HE & SHE -- Will you marry me? (laugh nervously, look out the 
window for one beat, turn to each other) YES!

(lights out, music up)

                       THROUGH THE YEARS 

                          The Wedding 

                          HE --- top hat
                          SHE -- veil

Pastor - Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man
and this woman in holy matrimony. Who gives this woman
to be with this man?

ALL MEN IN AUDIENCE -- (in unison) I do.

SHE -- I take thee, John to be my lawfully wedded husband.

HE --- I take thee, Mary to be my lawfully wedded wife.

SHE -- Mary? Who's Mary.

HE --- Sorry. I take thee, Martha to be my lawfully wedded wife

SHE -- With this ring I thee wed.

HE --- With this ring I thee wed.

Pastor - If any man has reason why this man and this woman
should not be joined together, speak now or forever hold
your peace.

Dad -- One moment please ...

SHE -- Daddy!

(picks up his dauqhter's hand, examines the ring with a

Okay, go ahead.

(lights out, music up)

                       THROUGH THE YEARS

                         The Honeymoon
                       Hats: HE --- none
                             SHE -- none

SHE --  (hugging, looking at the sunset) Oh, darling, isn't this 
a romantic sunset? It reminds me of that wonderful evening in 

HE ---(puzzled) Monteray? I don't remember Monteray.

ALL MEN IN AUDIENCE -- (in unison) I do.

                       THROUGH THE YEARS

                       The Morning after

                        Hats: HE --- none
                              SHE -- none

Pastor -  Brothers and sisters, sin is running rampant in the 
world, in our nation, in our community, yes, right here in this 
very church. It was reported to me that late last night an 
original sin was committed right here in the front pew!

HE ---(stands from among the congregation, raising his hand then 
lowering self-consciously) Ah, was it a sin if they were 

SHE --  (stands, holds his arm) No, but it WAS original.

                       THROUGH THE YEARS

                         Never too late

                      Hats: HE --- fishing hat
                            SHE -- scarf

HE --- (waiving) Goodbye, Junior.

SHE -- (waiving) Nice to meet you, Sharon. (to HE) You mustn't 
keep calling him Junior anymore, hun. He's gonna get married next 
summer. (sighs) He looks a lot like you did at that age, Grampa. 
You were a handsome young man.

HE --- That Sharon is a real looker. Why, if I was twenty years 

SHE -- You'd still be old enough to be her father.

HE --- Well, I still have a little romance in my soul. What 
about that candle light dinner we had a couple months ago?

SHE -- Yup. Then the electrician came and fixed the circuit

HE --- Well, I don't need an excuse. I'm as ready as I'll ever 
be for a little dancin' and romancing. (jumps up and clicks his 
heals, comes down clutching his lower back) ooo. ah. oh.

SHE --  (As she helps him off stage, slowly) Here let me help 
you up to bed. Looks like you need a good back rub.

HE ---(to the audience) Works every time. (to gramma) ooo. ah. 

(lights off, music up)

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