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WHYME    3'?m2f God always gets credit for evil, rarely for good

LIZ -- (enters dejected) Why me, God?! Why me? (cries)

AMY -- (enters wearing white tunic, halo and wings optional) You
don't really want to know, do you?

LIZ -- (distracted, not looking) Huh?

AMY -- I said, you don't really want to know, do you?

LIZ -- Know what? (turns, gasps) Who are you?! What do you want?

AMY -- I came to answer your question.

LIZ -- Question? What question?

AMY -- You asked, "Why me, God?"

LIZ -- You heard that?

AMY -- Loud and clear.

LIZ -- Wait a minute. There was nobody else around when I said
that. How did you...

AMY -- (points toward Heaven)

LIZ -- (looks up)

AMY -- We hear everything up there.

LIZ -- You mean, you're a... you're an angel?!

AMY -- To be more specific, I'm your GUARDIAN ANGEL.

LIZ -- You mean, there really IS such a thing as guardian
angels?

AMY -- That's right. And I have been assigned to you.

LIZ -- So, you heard my cry!

AMY -- That's right.

LIZ -- And you've come to solve my problems!

AMY -- That's not what I said.

LIZ -- What DID you say?

AMY -- I said, I came to answer your question.

LIZ -- My question.

AMY -- (mimics) "Why me, God!? Why me!?"

LIZ -- Listen. If you don't mind, I'd like to change my prayer.
You see, if I had known I was going to get a personal visit from
an angel, I would have asked for something... tangible.

AMY -- I'm sorry, I have my orders and my orders say that I'm
supposed to answer your question and that's all.

LIZ -- Bummer. When do I get to ask for something tangible?

AMY -- When you restore the balance.

LIZ -- Balance? What balance?

AMY -- (unfurls a six-foot roll of adding machine tape) This
balance.

LIZ -- What's that?

AMY -- This is a record of times you asked "Why me?" during
times of trouble. As you can see the list is a lot longer than
the list of times you asked "Why me?" after God blessed your
life.

LIZ -- I'm sorry, I don't see the other list.

AMY -- It doesn't exist. You NEVER ask "Why me?" when everything
is going smoothly!

LIZ -- Oh. I guess I never do, do I?

AMY -- It's a much better time to ask, don't you think?

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- I mean, if justice was served, you'd be dead now. But
somebody died in your place. So, any blessings you get are
completely undeserved. THAT'S the time when you SHOULD ask, "Why
me, God?! Why Me?!"

LIZ -- I suppose you're right.

AMY -- Hey, pal, you're lucky I'M not running things. If I had
my way, all you humans would be toast. You're not worth the
trouble. But, God keeps ignoring your faults and sending you
blessings and you keep forgetting to ask "Why me?".

LIZ -- You make me sound so... petty.

AMY -- And the reason you SOUND so petty is...

LIZ -- ...because I AM petty. I'm sorry.

AMY -- Don't tell me, tell him. (exiting) HE's the one you
offended.

LIZ -- That's right. I'll bet that really IS offensive. The
truth is, there are about five billion people in the world would 
love to have my problems. I have food to eat, a place to sleep, 
I'm not in jail. I'm not in a hospital. I really am lucky, 
aren't I? (exiting) Why me, God?! Why me?!

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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