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TRINITY2 9'1m4f Deity and humanity of Jesus, trinity, cults

SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with unlit cigarette in mouth,
crosses strolling, to audience) You probably don't recognize me.
My name is...

LAWYER -- (follows carrying briefcase, wearing business suit)
Spade. Sam Spade. (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) I recognize this voice. This is the voice
of a lawyer. She recognized me because my name is Sam Spade. I'm
a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest
private investigator. And although I am the world's greatest
private-eye, on a previous investigation, this lawyer taught me
a valuable lesson, one which I will not soon forget. And here's
the lesson: collect a retainer fee UP FRONT. (turns) What do you
want?

LAWYER -- Is that anyway to treat a paying client?

SAM -- A PAYING client?

LAWYER -- Yes.

SAM -- That's what you said last time. And what did I end up
with? One percent of nothing. And one percent of nothing is
nothing.

LAWYER -- Well, that was just a little misunderstanding. (offers
thick envelope) Here, this should reimburse you for all your
previous expenses. (freezes)

SAM -- (peeks into envelope, to audience) She's right. This
money should make us even. But here's a tip from the world's
greatest private-eye: when a lawyer gives you money BEFORE a
judge's verdict, watch out. (to Lawyer) Alright, lady, the
needle on my baloney detector is off the chart. What do you
want?

LAWYER -- I have another client.

SAM -- Pardon me while I yawn.

LAWYER -- This client has money.

SAM -- You've got my attention if the next words out of your
mouth are RETAINER UP FRONT.

LAWYER -- (offers envelope) Retainer up front.

SAM -- (peeks into envelope) Alright, now you've got my
attention. Tell me about the client. Is this another one of them
cults?

LAWYER -- My clients prefer to call themselves God's one true
church.

SAM -- Don't tell me. This client of yours wants to sue the
mainline Christian church.

LAWYER -- Correct.

SAM -- And their claim is...

LAWYER -- They claim that the mainline Christian church changed
the gospel to make Jesus equal to God.

SAM -- Been there. Done that. (offers envelope)

LAWYER -- (pushes envelope away) Keep the money. I told my
client that you already investigated the identity of Jesus and
that the apostles all confirmed Jesus as God.

SAM -- But they're suing anyway?

LAWYER -- They claim it's a bad translation. They claim the
mainline Christians did a hack job on the translation from the
Greek language.

SAM -- So, what do you want me to do?

LAWYER -- Go back to the Hebrew.

SAM -- The Hebrew?

LAWYER -- The old testament. (exits)

SAM -- I knew that. Alright, the Old Testament it is. (turns,
strolls, to audience) As you may have already surmised, Hebrew
is not my strong subject. I went to the Library to get my
bearings. (to Librarian) Hiya, doll-face!

LIBRARIAN -- (enters opposite carrying a stack of books) Will
you please keep your voice down?! This is a library!

SAM -- Oh, sorry, doll-face. I need some info about a language
called Hebrew.

LIBRARIAN -- What about it?

SAM -- Who spoke Hebrew?

LIBRARIAN -- The Hebrews.

SAM -- I knew that. What I meant was, where were the Hebrews
when they spoke Hebrew?

LIBRARIAN -- In the middle east.

SAM -- Oh, you mean like Jerusalem?

LIBRARIAN -- Well, yes, but the Hebrews spoke Hebrew before
Jerusalem was even built.

SAM -- Who was the first guy to speak Hebrew?

LIBRARIAN -- I'm sorry, my memory is fading quickly.

SAM -- (pulls out money, offers it) Then, let me refresh your
memory.

LIBRARIAN -- Oh, I remember now. His name was Abraham.

SAM -- Lincoln?

LIBRARIAN -- You're off by four thousand years.

SAM -- Well, then, what was his last name?

LIBRARIAN -- In those days there were so few people that they
didn't need last names. And Abraham was the wealthiest man in
the middle east. Everyone knew Abraham.

SAM -- Tell me, did Abraham have much to say about Jesus?

LIBRARIAN -- Actually, Abraham didn't say anything specific
about the savior. That didn't happen until Moses and the
prophets.

SAM -- Moses and...

LIBRARIAN -- ...the Prophets: Isaiah, Joel, King David...

SAM -- Thanks doll-face!

LIBRARIAN -- (exiting) Keep your voice down!

SAM -- (turns strolls) I went back in time to visit the
prophets. (stops) Now, I can see by your expression that you
doubt me. But go with me on this. It's several centuries BEFORE
Jesus is born. (to Admin) Hiya, doll-face. I....

(all Biblical characters wear tunic and sandals)

ADMIN -- (enters carrying clipboard) If you're here to see the
prophet Isaiah, I'm sorry, he's booked solid (points to
clipboard) for the rest of the day.

SAM -- Hey, I came a long way to see Isaiah. You can't just send
me away!

ADMIN -- Try to get by me and you'll see what I can do.
(freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) Now you are about to see the charm of the
world's greatest private-eye. (to Admin) Listen, sweet-cheeks,
let's not get our shorts in a bunch. I just need a little
information. I can see that you are a very smart person and you
probably know as much about things as Isaiah does.

ADMIN -- Darn right. What do you want to know? (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) Putty in my hands. (to Admin) Listen,
sugar-puss, I need the low-down on Jesus.

ADMIN -- Who's that?

SAM -- Oh, that's right. Jesus is not in this... time zone yet.
Let me put it another way: Did Isaiah ever say anything about
the savior?

ADMIN -- Absolutely.

SAM -- And?

ADMIN -- Where you been, buddy? Don't you know that the Savior
is God himself?

SAM -- God himself, you say?

ADMIN -- Yes. Isaiah says over and over again, there is no
savior but God alone.

SAM -- So, if I know a guy.... let's say his name is Jesus...
and this guy Jesus claims to be the savior...

ADMIN -- If this Jesus guy isn't God himself, he's a phoney.

SAM -- You're sure.

ADMIN -- Bank on it. And I'm not just saying that because the
boss said it. According to the law of Moses, sacrifices are one
for one.

SAM -- One for one.

ADMIN -- Yes, you slaughter one animal to pay for the sins of
one man. If a guy claims to be the savior, but he claims to be
only a man, his blood will only pay for the sins of one man.
Only God himself can sacrifice for the sins of the whole world.

SAM -- So, anybody but God it's just one for one.

ADMIN -- With God alone it's one sacrifice for all men for all
time.

SAM -- Bummer.

ADMIN -- Hey, that's good news! (exits)

SAM -- For you maybe. But for my client it's bad news unless I
can find another opinion. Thanks, doll-face. (turns, strolls, to
audience) My next stop was Jerusalem, a couple centuries
earlier. Time travel, remember? (to Bathsheba) Hiya doll-face!

BATHSHEBA -- (enters opposite) And who might you be?

SAM -- The name is Spade, Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator.
In fact, I'm the world's greatest private investigator.

BATHSHEBA -- Aren't they all?

SAM -- You're pretty snooty. I'll bet you're King David's wife.

BATHSHEBA -- I am. But if you're thinking about an audience with
King David, think again. He's busy.

SAM -- Not a problem, doll-face. I'm sure you can answer my
questions.

BATHSHEBA -- What kind of questions?

SAM -- It's about Jesus.

BATHSHEBA -- I'm sorry, I don't know anyone named Jesus.

SAM -- My bad. I know this guy named Jesus who claims to be the
savior of mankind.

BATHSHEBA -- No kidding?! Where is he?

SAM -- It's hard to describe. But he's a long way off.

BATHSHEBA -- Can't be too far off. According to prophecy, the
savior of mankind will be born in Bethlehem, like King David.

SAM -- Ah, yes, that's true. But...

BATHSHEBA -- But what?

SAM -- Well, this Jesus claims to be the creator of the
universe.

BATHSHEBA -- Well, of course!

SAM -- You mean, he is?!

BATHSHEBA -- Well, if this guy claims to be our messiah, our
savior, of course he will be the creator. Not just anyone can
save all mankind. The savior will be God in human flesh.

SAM -- But how do you know that?

BATHSHEBA -- King David is a prophet. He refers to the savior as
OUR SHEPHERD, OUR CREATOR, OUR JUDGE, OUR LIGHT.

SAM -- OUR CREATOR, you say?

BATHSHEBA -- Yes, if this person claims to be the messiah, he
will refer to himself as the one who spoke to Moses in the
burning bush.

SAM -- But that was God.

BATHSHEBA -- That's what I'm saying. The messiah, the savior
will claim all the qualities of God himself as his own, because
they ARE his own.

SAM -- You're sure?

BATHSHEBA -- Absolutely sure. One of my favorite Psalms of King
David is the one that starts "The LORD says to my Lord...."

SAM -- What does that mean?

BATHSHEBA -- It's a conversation between THE Lord and MY Lord.
That means that the one God we Hebrews call Elohiym is actually
two persons, maybe more.

SAM -- So, the savior is THE LORD.

BATHSHEBA -- Yes.

SAM -- Another dead end. (turns)

BATHSHEBA -- Are you crazy?! That's a good thing! (exits)

SAM -- (turns) Good news for you, bad news for my client. Thanks
for the info, doll-face. (turns, strolls, to audience) Well,
there you have it. Both the Old and New Testaments say that
Jesus is God. And another lawsuit is thrown out of court for
lack of evidence. Fortunately for me, (holds up envelope) this
time I collected my retainer up front. (exits)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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