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TONGUES  4'2m?f Is speaking in tongues proof of salvation?

FRED -- (enters running, carrying brief case, hand raised) Hold
the bus! Driver!? (stop DC) Rats! (deep breath, looks behind him
as if looking for the next bus)

ED ---- (enters, carrying brief case, approaches Fred, points
ahead) I suppose that was the 91 bus that I just missed.

FRED -- Yeah. Oh, well, there'll be another one in a few 
minutes.

ED ---- (looks at watch, moves past Fred) I think I'll walk over
to second street and catch the 92 bus.

FRED -- Say, you work here (points over shoulder) at
Consolidated, don't you?

ED ---- (stops) Yes, I work in accounting, but I....

FRED -- You're the guy I see leading a Bible study in the corner
of the lunch room, aren't you?

ED ---- Yes, I....

FRED -- Kooks. (laughs)

ED ---- Excuse me?

FRED -- I used to think you Christians were kooks.... until I
became a Christian myself.

ED ---- Well, congratulations. Welcome to the kingdom.

FRED -- (swaggers) Thanks.

ED ---- How long have you been a Christian?

FRED -- (looks at watch) Just over 18 hours now.

ED ---- So you just made the commitment last night?

FRED -- Commitment? I didn't make any commitment. I spoke in
tongues. We all spoke in tongues.

ED -- You ALL spoke in tongues?

FRED -- Yes, see, that's how you can tell if a person is a
Christian... If he speaks in tongues. And I speak in tongues.
Did you know that the apostles spoke in tongues at the
pentecost?

ED ---- The book of Acts, chapter two.

FRED -- Yeah, there.

ED ---- So, what foreign languages do you speak?

FRED -- Excuse me?

ED ---- You said that you speak in tongues, so which foreign
languages do you speak?

FRED -- Foreign languages?

ED ---- You were talking about the apostles at Pentecost.
Pentecost was one of the seven Jewish feasts. There were
thousands of foreigners in Jerusalem that day to celebrate the
feast of weeks. They came from as far away as Italy, Africa and
Asia. The Apostles spoke in foreign languages so that the
foreigners, especially the unbelievers, would know what was
going on.

FRED -- Oh.

ED ---- So, if ALL the people with you last night spoke in
tongues, it sounds like you had a lot of foreigners in the room.

FRED -- I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, I had coffee
with them afterward. Nobody even had an accent.

ED ---- So, why were you speaking in tongues?

FRED -- To show that I'm a Christian.

ED ---- The apostle Paul said that the purpose of speaking in
tongues was to bring instruction or revelation to the people.
Did someone interpret what you said?

FRED -- Well, actually, I'm not sure that anyone could hear me.

ED ---- What do you mean?

FRED -- Everybody in the church spoke in tongues at once.

ED ---- So, how do you know that you were speaking a foreign
language and not just gibberish?

FRED -- The guy in the pew behind was saying the same thing as
me.

ED ---- EXACTLY the same thing?

FRED -- Actually, I was just copying him.

ED ---- Was anyone interpreting what he said?

FRED -- I think I was the only one who could hear him. You
couldn't hear yourself think in that room, it was so filled with
the spirit. This one woman... she wasn't even trying to speak in
tongues she was laughing and screeching... She was really in the
spirit.

ED ---- Yes, but, which spirit. (looks at watch, looks for bus)

FRED -- What do you mean by that?

ED ---- The Apostle Paul says that the fruit of the Spirit of
God is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Do you see any peace
in a room full of people all talking at once and nobody
listening?

FRED -- Well, no, but....

ED ---- Is there any gentleness or self-control in a woman who
screeches?

FRED -- Did I say that I was speaking in tongues?

ED ---- Well, as a matter of fact, yes, you....

FRED -- What I meant was, I was mimicking those poor misguided
people who were speaking in tongues. I'm a really good mimic,
you know. Here, guess who this is: (mimics George Bush) "Read
my lips. No new taxes."

ED ---- I think I'll walk over to second street and... (points)

FRED -- That was George Bush. Here, who's this? (mimics Bill
Clinton) "Read my lips, Hillary, no new indictments".

ED ---- (exits)

FRED -- (notices Ed gone, follows him) Okay, so, that wasn't
very instructional or informative. I also mimic bird calls.
Here, see if you can guess what kind of bird this is. (exits
whistling)


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